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Newly Joined
Member Since Feb 2014
Location: Lebanon
Posts: 2
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Feb 18, 2014 at 01:52 PM
#1
My boyfriend is not interested in sex anymore. To be brief.. we met online about a year ago, and have been together ever since. We're very close, he's extremely affectionate with me, attentive, thoughtful. I know he loves me and cares for me. He pays attention to all the little things I like and tries extra hard to be there for me, and I appreciate it so much.
When we first started talking, we were all over each other, which is natural. We have amazing sexual chemistry, we connect so much, and we both always talked about how compatible we were. It was very satisfying, despite the distance. It's been a few months now though that we don't ever connect like that. And it doesn't make me happy. I feel insecure about it, and I torture myself remembering how things were when he was all over me.. Now I'm lucky if that kind of intimacy happens once a month. I tried talking to him, and he explained it to me in several ways, most of it being the frustration of the distance. I don't know what to do. I get very sad thinking about how things were, and I tried talking to him many times. The last time we discussed it, he told me he'd try to reevaluate how he sees that connection, and not just look at it as >what we can't have for now<. But nothing has changed. I don't know if it's selfish of him, because he knows what this does to me, and he's not really making effort to work on that connection again. Thoughts? |
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Sep 2010
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 48,244
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Feb 19, 2014 at 07:09 PM
#2
Hi, Scone, and welcome to Psych Central!
 In many relationships the sex is really great at first and then eventually cools down some.I agree, though, that the distance is a problem. He doesn't see you for awhile, then all of a sudden he's with you, and you're expecting him to perform. To be honest, it sounds like he is deciding whether he wants to continue the relationship. Long-distance relationships are tough to maintain in the best of circumstances. If you and he do see each other again, then it might be best to just try to have fun/enjoyable times together, getting to know each other, and not push him for sex. Maybe over time he will respond again. Those thoughts are what come to my mind off hand. |
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 EZBL13
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Feb 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 4,703
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Feb 19, 2014 at 10:49 PM
#3
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Veteran Member
Member Since Feb 2013
Location: Chicago
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Feb 19, 2014 at 11:27 PM
#4
I think you need to have a more serious talk with him. My ex suddenly became disinterested in sex. I told him that sex was important to me and that the lack thereof could result in our break up. He put forth no effort to change and we ended up breaking up. I was happier for it.
__________________ Bipolar I, Panic, GAD, Chronic Insomni OCD and Agoraphobic tendencies Possible Borderline Personality Disorder Meds: Lamatical |
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Veteran Member
Member Since Jan 2014
Location: Backstage
Posts: 523
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Feb 19, 2014 at 11:36 PM
#5
Cooled down after a couple of years together with me, on his part, I was still very attracted to him and I hadn't gained weight or anything, I weigh only 128 lbs., he just lost that new feeling that I always had with him. It happens. All's fair in love and war.
__________________ Swim, just swim. Keep your head above water. 
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New Member
Member Since Feb 2014
Location: Irvine
Posts: 3
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Feb 20, 2014 at 10:12 AM
#6
As a guy that actually has been through the same thing as your boyfriend. While I was still very much psychically attracted to my ex fiance, sex became a chore. It wasn't fun anymore, I gave up trying to spice it up. She never bothered to dress up or anything for me anymore, nor did I for her. Us guys are very visual and logical creatures. Women try to appeal to our emotional sides and it rarely works. We want what we can have, honestly once I realized that I couldn't have sex with my ex anymore, I was more sexually attracted to her. While the distance would definitely put a strain on things, give him something to look forward to. Tease him a lil, he knows he can have you. Give him a night he can't forget and break your routine. Routine kills relationships.
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Poohbah
Member Since Feb 2014
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,210
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Feb 21, 2014 at 10:38 PM
#7
My boyfriend and I haven't had sex in six or seven months, and I can't say for sure what the problem is. In my opinion, sexual intimacy is a very important part of a relationship. I just want you to know you're not alone in this. I don't know what I'm going to do ultimately, but sex is a deal breaker for me. :-(
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