[JohnDoe198429]

My girlfriend of 4 and a half years has been going through a lot of issues, predominantly family issues. Her whole family tries to use her. A quick run down of what she's been through. She was raped by a man who was a "friend" of her mothers, her dad was a pedaphile, her mom was on drugs, she had her first child at 19 which was a special needs child who lived to be 7 years old until she died in 2010. My girlfriend has also lost a few family members, that's just a quick run down. What I need advice on is should I stick by her she goes through fazes every month or so where she doesn't want me, then after a few days she's in love with me, we had and to get married this August (2014) idk if that should happen, I love her a lot, we have a son together he'll be 4 in July. Her and I have also been through a whole lot but somehow stick together; however, it's to the point that I'm not happy at all, don't want to waste anymore time I'm not getting any younger her and I are both 29. She claims she's going through "a midlife crisis" and she's scared of getting old and she says she's never been with "anyone this long before" I need advice. Thank you.

[hvert]

I don't know enough about your situation to give you advice about whether or not you should stay, but here's one thing I would do. I'm not sure how to phrase this, so bear with me

I would set aside the reasons *why* your girlfriend acts the way she does from your decision process. This is a completely different example, but if a woman had a boyfriend who beat her, her decision about whether or not to stay with him shouldn't be affected by the fact that her boyfriend grew up with a father who beat his mother.

In that example, it is fine if the girlfriend has sympathy for her partner for his abusive circumstances, but it doesn't make it okay for him to abuse her.

I'm not trying to say that your girlfriend is abusing you or anything. I would just try to focus on the behaviors themselves and how to change or cope with them (if that's possible), rather than her history that led up to the behaviors.

[hannabee]

29 is still quite young. in fact they say the human brain is not fully developed until 26, I think. If she is getting therapy, you should be going with her to help the both of you cope. You have another person to consider here, your son. He should be your main concern at this point. Good luck.