[Perplexed husband]

Hi,

I've got a pretty serious relationship issue.

My wife and I have been married for 15 years, together for 20. We seem to have a pretty good marriage, overall. Two young kids, so always tired and worn out, but we get along well. We fight, like most couples, but are mostly quite happy with each other, or at least so it seems to me.

A few years ago, my wife began losing any interest in having sex with me, and now we almost never have sex; perhaps once every 6-12 months. We're both 47. She says it's her, not me; that she doesn't want to have sex with anyone else; and that she's not repulsed by me. She just doesn't want to have sex. No interest.

I've asked her many times to see a therapist, and offered to attend couples counseling. She agrees, but then doesn't make the arrangements to see a therapist. I could arrange the couples counseling, but was hoping we'd each go see a therapist first.

What should I do? How do I interpret this?

[outlaw sammy]

I'm fifty-nine and twice divorced because of my symptoms of manic-depressive illness - but in both cases however, the end of the physical intimacy one and a half years earlier signaled the approaching end of the marriage. Ironically, in both cases, I was married twelve and a half years and my libido was/remains at full throttle, but my wives lost interest. Perhaps, I should have insisted on getting couples counseling. If I had to do it all over again - I would fight tooth and nail to get therapy/counseling.

[Webgoji]

I think outlaw Sammy is right, therapy is necessary. It's also possible that menopause is starting to kick in messing everything up, but yeah, the loss of intimacy can be big.