[Aoikun]

I have a 4 year old son that lives back and forth between two houses. The first is my parent's house where I currently live and he and I share a room together. The second belongs to his father and his fiance with where he shares a room with a slightly older mentally disabled child and there are also two other children there as well. He spends more time there. My son takes naps there and does not take naps here but has what we call 'quiet time' instead where we do quiet activities. I do not force him to nap because he doesn't seem to need or want it; partly I believe it's because he wants to spend more time with me and his grandparents because he sees us a little less.

Recently the fiance told me that he absolutely must take his naps and that it's a problem that he and I share a room. While I agree that eventually I will move out and achieve this goal, the only other room we have is a small one being used as a library and as my mother's computer room. I do not know where we could put what's in there and it's also my mother's house. When I tried to explain this the fiance said that if my mother truly loved my son, she would give up the room.

Perhaps I do need to be a bit more strict on nap times. But still, advice is fine, but I do not like being told I need to do something by someone else who does not live with me. I also dislike confrontation so when these situations happen I typically cave. However this feels a bit much as it would inconvenience the rest of my household. Saying this however would not stop any opposition so if I say no I will get backlash from it. Should I take what comes at me? I don't know how I could defend my decision.

[hvert]

Tact is not my strong point, so I'm not going to be able to come up with a suggested phrasing -- but you are parenting your child the way that you see fit. You do not have to take instructions from anyone else as to how you take care of your son.

[MissyD]

I don't see how the quiet time should be an issue, you can look up plenty of articles on children and nap time that say when a child is done with naps you know, because they don't want to do it anymore and quiet time is what almost all of them suggest. My 4 year old doesn't nap at all anymore and hasn't since she was 2 1/2 - 3. However, if he doesn't nap and ends up going to sleep way earlier than he should and waking up again when he should be going to bed, I could see that being a problem.

I don't see what the issue is with you two sharing a room or why they should have a problem with that. If they don't have a legitimate reason I'd tell them that it's not a good idea right now, and until they can think of how it's negatively affecting him they shouldn't request that.

You definitely shouldn't cave. You're raising your son too, and your opinion is as important as theirs. As far as confrontation goes, maybe try an email or text first?

You have to stand your ground on some of these things, or else in the long run you may regret letting them make all the rules and decisions. There could come a time when their defense is that you didn't have a problem with blank rule at first, why do you now?

I hope that helps and you get everything straightened out! I know it's tough to be the one who gives in and lets others make all the decisions with your child when you know what you want done.

[Aoikun]

Originally Posted by MissyD

I don't see what the issue is with you two sharing a room or why they should have a problem with that. If they don't have a legitimate reason I'd tell them that it's not a good idea right now, and until they can think of how it's negatively affecting him they shouldn't request that.

Well her way of thinking is that if he isn't taking naps then it means he doesn't have his own private space so I should move out of the room. I'd like for him to have his own room in the future of course but right now I personally don't see much of a problem with it. In their house, the other child and my son have to share a room because there's literally only the essential rooms left (living room, kitchen, bathroom). She does have three children so I'm guessing this is based on her experiences and such. I just don't like the way she says it, like it's absolutely necessary and overrides my way of thinking. Also I get nervous about standing up for my thoughts because the father has more rights than I do to our son.

Thank you both for writing in, it's a lot more reassuring to see your advice. I'll do my best to be firm my beliefs while at the same time not be aggressive and avoid possible fighting.