[9doorsdown]

About 3 years ago, my brother ran away from home. Just up and left. Maybe it was a reaction to all the stress. When he first became sick, he couldn't move. He spent most of the time in a ball or in front of the computer playing computer games or reading posts on reddit. The most he had ever moved in two years was on that day when he walked so far and tried so hard to get away from the house where he spent day in and out in hell. His story is long and complicated, but he finally found someone to stay with. Yet, two weeks later, he attempted suicide for the first time.

After that life has never been the same. He stopped talking to my parents because they basically triggered his attempt (long story there too; extremely complex person). I, his sister, felt like I was walking on egg shells after his attempt. I did not want to trigger another attempt and that is how I had been treating him ever since. Until we had our fight. We were really close. It was the first time since we were probably 10 and 11 that we had a verbal dispute. We were always really close. Of course, his reaction was to run away and not to talk through what we were fighting about. Still mad about that, but I realized I was wrong to stop walking on egg shells. I had accidentally used his trigger words. I checked in with the campus police of his school and found that he was ok. Every day since then has been a struggle. Not knowing if he is ok. Not knowing if he is struggling. Not being there to give him a hug or a push of motivation. I see his google calendar and I am still friends with him on facebook, but he doesn't want to talk to me. He shunned me out like he did my parents. It sucks cuz I know it is his illness speaking and not the brother I grew up with.

I have my own illness to deal with, but the worst part of this whole situation is not knowing if I will ever see my brother again. If statistics don't lie, he may attempt again.

I have his email. Should I send him emails with words of encouragement? Should I send him emails with updates about topics that might hurt him like "I wish we fought more, so we can appreciate each other more." My parents joke when they get "signs", saying that "at least he is still alive." I really can't deal with them right now. I just need to move on. But then I feel guilty.

[hvert]

I don't really know what would be best in your situation. My brother went through a period where he cut off all contact with the family, but he eventually got back in touch.

How long has it been since you had the fight? Do you think you just need to give this more time?

[9doorsdown]

I'm glad to hear that your brother got back in touch. I think my brother is just working through stuff. Still stings though. It's been almost a year.

[hvert]

A year does sound like a while. A friendly email probably couldn't hurt? I would avoid sensitive topics, personally.