[BlueFaith]

I have a few friends here at PC, and I am grateful for that. But I have a problem making friends and connecting to others in real life. And that makes me question things alot. Such as.... What is wrong with me... Do I say or do the wrong things...Do people just not like me because I AM me? Why do people in real life dislike me so much? Am I just odd or weird? Whatever the reason, I am tired of it. I'd like to think that I am worth getting to know. But apparently no one else thinks that.

[Sabrina]

Oh how I wish I could answer your questions .. but I go through the very same thing.

I do know that there is nothing wrong with us but my wisdom seems to end there.

I totally relate and identify ........... I look forward to comments.

[lenjan]

Hmm, I'm just the opposite -- I have friends IRL, but everybody at PC hates me.

I guess I would ask what makes you think nobody likes you IRL. From what I know of you here, you're a very caring person with a good sense of humor. Are you more shy in person, or more doubtful of what you have to offer people? A lot of social interaction is "fake it till you make it." I'm disgustingly charming and witty and fun when I have to interview people for work, which is not at all how I see myself, but I put myself out there that way because it relaxes people and makes them more calm about talking to me.

I dunno. I don't really have any good answers for you, except to say I like you just fine.

Love, Candy

[Perna]

I think there's a big difference between not having friends and deciding we don't have friends because we're disliked? I don't have any irl friends near me and don't see those irl friends I have very often. What if things were on the other side, look at how you look at other people you'd like to be friends with? Do you think they have more friends than you do or an easier time making "real" friends? The only good friends/relatives I know well who have more "friends" than I do, their friends have been around for a long time (like mine) or they aggressively went out and joined/did activities and talked to people (brrr, too scary for me :-) I think wanting to have friends and having trouble doing so once one is an "adult" is a universal wish/difficulty. I've made most of my friends as neighbors, coworkers, at volunteer/club/church (common activity) meetings, etc. I don't know any other "places" or "ways" to do it, especially when by one's self (my husband and I use to have some "bar" friends because we frequented the same restaurant the same night(s) every week)?

Do you have any PC friends you live close enough to to visit? I've met people IRL that I've met online and that often develops into a good friendship if you live close enough together to visit often enough.

[BlueFaith]

It's not like I don't put any effort into it, Perna. That's not the case. The people I DO meet just don't seem interested in being friends with me. I don't know what the deal is with it. Maybe I'm too quiet and shy when it comes to making friends. I have 3 kids that I have to take care of, so that leaves little time for anything else. I don't work and I don't go out to bars. And no one here at PC lives close enough to me. Maybe I'm just not putting myself out there enough to make friends. Thanks.. I appreciate your input.

[Perna]

Do you call the people you do meet and want to be friends with to go "do" something? How about any of your kids' friends parents or other parents from their activities?

Some people are really friendly so they attract friends. My daughter-in-law is like that and makes me jealous :-) My stepsister has loads of friends she's kept from her soriority in college, nearly 50 years ago -- married her second husband a couple years ago from that college group that was all interdating (he'd married a soriety sister of hers who had died and my brother-in-law had died) and having friends like that (they still have "pot luck" dinners together and a large group of them were at the wedding (I remembered them from when I was 6 years old so couldn't figure out why my sister was hanging out with all these old ladies, I've never seen her as getting older :-) and I'm a bit jealous of that situation too.

I asked my husband to move to townhouses like we're in now hoping being more close together (we had a large suburban rambler with an acre of land) and having more people "around" might help and it does a bit in the back yard where we all hang out in the summer in the evenings but hasn't gotten me a "friend" to hang around with :-(

[charlajustin]

I wish I had some answers for you. But, in general I don't want friends it takes to much energy and time to nurture that kind of relationship. But in the back of mind I want friends the kind who understand me without me having to go into every single detail of my life. But, then most of the time I usually just end up being disappointed by friends.

I am probably the last person in the world who should be answering this question.

Hi MentalPollution,
You strike me as a very likable person. Maybe your insecurity/shyness is making people think you aren't interested in being friends with them?
I feel the same way too, I think it's my own insecurities that push people away-perhaps I do it subconsciencely?
I either pick a bad friend or a good friend who I don't feel like I'm worthy of.
MentalPollution, I'm curious-what's your relationship like with your brother/s and sister/s?
((((((((((Mental Pollution)))))))))))))

[BlueFaith]

My relationships with my sisters aren't very good at all. They only call me or come to my house if they really need something that I can help them with.

[nothemama8]

Number 1 to both you and Poopiebears response, IMHO you are BOTH very likeable ppl and when we do finally meet IRL I would be proud to introduce you both as my close friends to everyone here in Erie
Angie

Hi again,
I asked because I think when we have problems with our relationships with our kin-we tend to also have problems with our friendships? I don't know. I'm not qualified to make a diagnoses about such things but it's something I've noticed about people, their kin and their friendships.
My relationship with my sisters is really messed up because of family dynamics and I find myself putting myself in the same role with friendships as the role I'm "expected" to play in our family.
Have you noticed anything like that? It could be just me.
I hope you're feeling better. ((((((((MentalPollution)))))

[bebop]

MP I know the feeling well. I have only a couple of friends or people I actually associate with irl. I often wonder why people irl can't see me the way my pc friends do. I am the same person here as in person and I am sure you are as well.

Candy I like you! (((hugs))))

[seeker1950]

Hi, All,
First, let me say that all of you who've responded to this thread have shown yourselves here and in previous threads to be kind and loving people! Why would any of you think you are not liked here....I really like seeing your posts...all of you.
MP...I can relate to what you're saying because...at your age!!! ....I felt the same way. When I was in my 20's, raising my daughter, I reached out to people all the time to relate and be friends, often feeling the sting of rejection or indifference. As time has passed, and I've raised my daughter (age 28), divorced, and lived thru many ups and downs, reaching out to find friends has become a non-issue for me. I think this comes with age. If people want to respond to me, I receive them. If they don't, that's okay too. Not everyone is going to like you/me!
You're a lovely, LOVELY person! You have your hands full with your three children and the ups and downs of your own life. I am proud of you for you caring nature, your attention to your family and responsibilities.
I wish I had reached this point of self-acceptance much earlier, while your age. I hope this for you also. People admire you here, and if friends are true, they will be there for you in real life as well as here on PC.
Love,
Patty

I posted to you the other day and I guess the PC gremlin ate it. I like you ALOT. You have been such a good friend to me here and you always know the moment to send me a PM.......

I agree with Patty about changing as we age. I rarely ever reach out IRL because it's just become a non-issue with me also. I could probably welcome more friends, but I just continue with my pets, books and photos......

I'm glad you are here at PC, Jenn!!!! love you, pat

[(JD)]

I know my own personal standards for the "definition" of a friend is really quite high. I have to change that... I am expecting too much of someone to be a friend in the current definition, so I'm allowing anyone to be a friend if they are in any way friendly to me. I'll hold the stricter definition for a "confidant" or "best friend" maybe?

What is YOUR definition of a friend, and of the people you know and associate with, what catergories do you place them?

Hope this helps (((hugs)))