[SHEHARI13]

My sister, whom I helped raise, has had multiple problems since her teens. She is aware but will not help herself or accept help from anyone else. I love her but we live in the same house(aging mother) and frequently being around my sister has gotten unbearable for me. I am 63 and she is 53. I've been married and all that jazz. She..never. Lived at home all her life and try as I might I have lost the ability to understand her. Our other sister, just 1 year older than the 53 died in 2011. We talked about the youngest and she told me she didn't understand her either. I'm hoping to find others in similar situations who may have some coping ideas. I'm not saying I'm perfectly sane either, but at least I can cope with life. Grateful for any comments, suggestions. We live in a rather backward area and I don't want to keep harping on this with my friends who are sympathetic but can't really help.

[spondiferous]

Hi SHEHARI13, welcome to PC...do you have an outlet for yourself? Stuff that you do in your own life that has nothing to do with your family? Social circle, supports, a way to get out of the house when things get tough? You're right about not being responsible for her. There's only so much you can do for another person, especially if they don't want help.

It's tricky that you're living together. I have a situation very similar with my youngest sister, though we don't live together and don't talk much. But it's frustrating trying to talk to her most times because unless we talk about exactly what she wants to talk about, and don't focus on the ways that she harms herself and others, she will not talk, or cooperate in any way.

I wish you luck. I don't really know what else to say. It sounds like you have made the decision to dedicate yourself to your mother's health right now, and so probably your best bet would be to find things outside of the house that enrich your life and detract from the situation at home, especially if your sister is unwilling to hear you about her impact on your life (or lives, if it's affecting your mother as well).