[HelpMeUnderstand]

Hi,

I'm pretty new here. I was looking for an active board where I could post. Is it alright if I vent for a minute? I have no one else to vent to who would fully understand. I don't know if this is the right place to discuss this, but I'm not sure where else to go. I have ocd, my brother who lives with me and our mom (she has Alzheimer's) has bipolar. I also have social anxiety disorder, depression, a sleep disorder...

So, basically, my brother's "bad moods" really trigger me anymore. I just say one innocent thing and then he gets in his mad phase after that. He can be extremely rude sometimes. Sometimes I really lose it, and cry and also spiral down into a depressed state. I also get angry even though I keep reminding myself it's his bipolar, not him. But, he said he doesn't even have bipolar anymore - he just gets frustrated. Um..NO. Being frustrated doesn't mean being extremely rude to people, not talking to them for the rest of the day - not even looking at them when he passes by. He's never been a mean person, it's his bipolar. BUT, he won't take any medicine for it for fear it will ruin his immense creativity which he thinks he needs in order to make computer games, which is one of his dreams. It's making me angry because Mom and I have to put up with his "moods" and it stresses us both out. I think, isn't his family more important than his creativity?? No, we just have to suffer along.

I'm also upset and sad that I've sort of "lost" my brother, who's always been like a best friend. He doesn't even acknowledge me when I tell him something sometimes...not a word, a nod, nothing. Somedays he won't exchange a word with me. On rare days, when he's like his old self, he'll actually have a conversation with me and we'll joke and laugh and have fun like we used to. This doesn't happen often though.

I'm sick of not having anyone to talk to (except for those rare times) -I have no in-person friends at the moment [Ican't due to my disorders]- he doesn't even care about his not having friends. He's a loner. But, I'm not. I'm isolated and lonely, and the only person around I have to talk to, most often isn't there anymore. I try to share a joke with him and he seems fine, then he snaps and he says he doesn't care about hearing it. I'm sick, sick, sick of the rudeness, being ignored (great for my social anxiety!), feeling alone.

Alright, I'm done. Thanks for listening. I have no idea if anyone here is familiar with bipolar and can relate, but I didn't know where else to go.

P.S. Please don't bash me for what I've said. I know bipolar sufferers can't help feeling the way they do, I'm just venting and expressing my frustrations. Thanks.