am I seeking the truth or simply seeking

As I begin to put to words here what has been running through my mind, I wonder how much of this is my illness talking. I have bipolar disorder, and surprisingly, at age thirty-one, I have found myself in my first successful relationship, where it is not with someone who is an addict or who is cheating on someone else. Everything in this new healthy relationship is calm, albeit boring. I have an urge to confront my boyfriend, Ramon, about being too dependent on me. He says he would be nothing without me. It is just way too weak. He almost has emotional, feminine characteristics sometimes. I find myself challenging him to see if he will defend himself, if he has any man in him. I thought I would date him as a statement about being now in my thirties, to convince myself I was out of my bad boy phase. I still flirt with my ex-boyfriends who are more macho. There is a counseling center we go to that is opeb tomorrow night, we both could go in together. The other thing about Ramon is that he will not stop holding my hand, not for one second. I have a stick shift car, and I have to keep one hand on the wheel, one shifting gears, and he will not let go of my hand even long enough for me to shift gears!! I hazve told him time and time again I NEED TO SHIFT GEARS!! He always says over and over, I love you, I love you, even when I am trying to have a different topic of conversation! Perhaps part of growing up and maturing is not being in a manic kind of relationship, but perhaps I've gone too far in the other direction. He also doesn't provide much intellectual stimulation. If I go into the counseling center with him, how can I see if he is too dependent on me, if he has no sense of self?

<blockquote><font size=1>In reply to:</font><hr>

He says he would be nothing without me. It is just way too weak. He almost has emotional

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I wish my boyfriend would be that way telling me such sweet things. I can understand if you are feeling smothered by it.

Him telling you over and over again that he loves you, doesn't that make you feel wonderful?

Why do you think he is girlie? (so to speak) Just cause he shows more emotion? My boyfriend shows NONE, so i'm almost envious that he can show it with you.

<font color=red>~Sundance~</font color=red>

<font color=blue>"Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business."</font color=blue>

<font color=black>Norman Vincent Peale</font color=black>

It is nice to have your boyfriend tell you that he loves you, but i understand that sometimes it can be too much. sometimes it seems like my boyfriend has nothing else to say so he just says I love you. About the car and the stick shift thing, have you tried telling your boyfriend anything like well try loving me from your own seat? Or maybe tell him, well if you love me like you say you do then you'll alow me to drive safely, and that requires that i don't have any distractions on my hands? Just a thought.

I dont think it's all that bad. It must be nice to hear your boyfriend tell you he loves you. Do you love him? Or like the idea of having what you call a "successful relationship" He does sound a bit dependent on you and obviously this is annoying you. Tell him! "Hey honey, your pouring on a little thick dont you think"? Then laugh He'll think your joking and he'll get the point.

"you only have one chance to make a first impression"

I have decided to break up with Ramon. One detail I left out, his I.Q. is 60. I finished first in my class at the best college in my area. I wrote a little about my past experience with bad boys. This is what drove me to try the opposite. To tell you the truth, I only had 2 two month relationships with bad boys and two shorter relationships with people out of their mind. I had found myself a thirty year old who had never experienced anything that at all resembled a relationship. The loneliness was eating away at my brain. So I found someone who let me call the shots, who worshipped my decisions and viewpoints. The opposite of a bad boy or screwed up person. I wanted to feel what a relationship felt like, one that wasn't breaking the law. Well, now I know. And the end doesn't even hurt that much, though I fear once I tell Ramon the pain will be enormous. I cannot think of a time when he uttered one intelligent word....there's other fish in th sea! I feel like I've grown and the mystery of what a relationship feels like is unraveled...

I heard it said some time ago "If someone says they need you, run like hell!"

<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>