I'm planning to write letters to my dad, former best friend and grandmother wherein I state that I forgive them for hurting me and dropping them in their mailboxes while I'm in my hometown on vacation.

I'm hoping to rid myself of the ruminations and pain through forgiveness. My best friend betrayed me, my dad manipulated me and abandoned me and my grandmother worked hard to tear me down.

I want to take away their power over my emotions through forgiveness.

Sent using Tapatalk

[gloamingone]

If you truly do forgive them, I think that would be fine. Do you want to be in contact with them again?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[marmaduke]

I would write those letters, then in a little ceremony, burn them. While you burn them let go of any hate or resentment and accept they are c##p people that are best out of your life. Let them go.

I hope this don't sound too bad, but I longed for my mother to love me, longed for her to care, to notice me, to hug me. I hurt so bad, felt so lonely. I tried so hard to make her love me, just to be put down and rejected time and time again.
It was, it did, destroy me.
It had to stop.
So (years ago now) I decided she was dead. I imagined the funeral, the flowers, guests, the cards. I imagined the vicar what she would say. Imagined the cremation.
Mother was dead.
I cried for a month. I had no mother.

Since then I've felt better. No longer do I beg for crumbs of attention, plead for some show of love (that I was never going to get)
I have not forgiven, I can never do that, some things cannot and in my opinion should not be forgiven. But I have accepted that in all but name I've never had a mother. Emotionally I have always been an orphan.

If they hurt you badly it might be best not to contact them. I find abusers, narcissists feed off hurt, the less you tell them the better.

But that's just me.

Originally Posted by marmaduke

I would write those letters, then in a little ceremony, burn them. While you burn them let go of any hate or resentment and accept they are c##p people that are best out of your life. Let them go.

I hope this don't sound too bad, but I longed for my mother to love me, longed for her to care, to notice me, to hug me. I hurt so bad, felt so lonely. I tried so hard to make her love me, just to be put down and rejected time and time again.
It was, it did, destroy me.
It had to stop.
So (years ago now) I decided she was dead. I imagined the funeral, the flowers, guests, the cards. I imagined the vicar what she would say. Imagined the cremation.
Mother was dead.
I cried for a month. I had no mother.

Since then I've felt better. No longer do I beg for crumbs of attention, plead for some show of love (that I was never going to get)
I have not forgiven, I can never do that, some things cannot and in my opinion should not be forgiven. But I have accepted that in all but name I've never had a mother. Emotionally I have always been an orphan.

If they hurt you badly it might be best not to contact them. I find abusers, narcissists feed off hurt, the less you tell them the better.

But that's just me.

Thank you so much for this. Your advice applies 100% to my dad and grandmother. I need to grieve what I'll never have from them. My dad is a narcissist and has never been there for me. My grandmother is racist and just negative. My former best friend I consider to be maybe worth reconciliation.

Sent using Tapatalk

Originally Posted by gloamingone

If you truly do forgive them, I think that would be fine. Do you want to be in contact with them again?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I want to be in contact with my best friend again but there's a big problem. She is my stepmother though divorced from my dad and remarried. I found out she was telling my dad everything I shared with her in confidence. As a result of ending my friendship with her I don't really have a relationship with my little sister that my stepmother and dad have.

Sent using Tapatalk

[hvert]

I love the suggestion about writing the letters and not sending them. The letters are for you.

That must have really hurt when your stepmother/best friend betrayed your confidences like that and for this situation to have had such a negative impact on your relationship with your sister. Could you write a fourth letter to your little sister to let her know you want to be there for her?

I really want to see my little sister before I leave town in a few days. Would it be a bad idea to leave a note in my stepmothers door asking permission? I don't have her number.

Sent using Tapatalk

[marmaduke]

Originally Posted by rouge198

I really want to see my little sister before I leave town in a few days. Would it be a bad idea to leave a note in my stepmothers door asking permission? I don't have her number.

Sent using Tapatalk

You could ask as you want to see her, just don't expect too much, I don't know if your stepmother will agree.

Thank you, I sent a terse email to my step mom last summer and I am not sure how she currently feels about that. My little sister may not know about it. I also would like to see my godchildren and need to ask their mother who also betrayed my trust. Same is true for my sister and I miss my niece. I really detest the fact that my relationships with these ppl fail and I miss out on the relationships with their kids who are also my relatives

Sent using Tapatalk

[avlady]

according to my religious beliefs, forgiveness is always a good thing, even if you dont see the people anymore, it helped me in my life but my situations aren't as bad as yours, it is a good question, if you should try to keep in touch, i would just forgive them in your heart first, then go from there, God will do the rest, just keep praying for them too.in the end you'll be the better person for forgiving them no matter what happens and you can know in your heart you tried.

[marmaduke]

Originally Posted by avlady

according to my religious beliefs, forgiveness is always a good thing, even if you dont see the people anymore, it helped me in my life but my situations aren't as bad as yours, it is a good question, if you should try to keep in touch, i would just forgive them in your heart first, then go from there, God will do the rest, just keep praying for them too.in the end you'll be the better person for forgiving them no matter what happens and you can know in your heart you tried.

I am not religious, but in the Bible does it not say 'Ask, and you will be forgiven'
So what if someone does not ask, what if someone does not repent?

So I delivered the letter to my younger sister. Have since left town and didn't hear from her.

Sent using Tapatalk

Originally Posted by marmaduke

I am not religious, but in the Bible does it not say 'Ask, and you will be forgiven'
So what if someone does not ask, what if someone does not repent?

That's a great question. I guess I still try to forgive even without their repentance for myself. I need to take away their power and I don't want me doing that to be contingent upon their admission of guilt since the forgiveness at that point if for me and my health.

Sent using Tapatalk

[hvert]

I'm sorry that you didn't hear from your sister before you left town.