[lostbeauty]

I'm so sad, confused and lost....I need advice. I've been married for 14 years now. I have 3 kids. my self-esteem is bad. I wish I was strong enough to stand up for myself. at this point, I want out. I feel trapped when he's around. I feel like I can breathe when he's at work and its just me and the kids. he's never been physically abusive but I know mentally he has. I try and make decisions and he gets mad because I didn't ask him or tell him first. like letting my kids go to my parents house or going to the park. I just wonder why do I have to ask for permission if I'm a grown women?!?! everything I do isn't right or good enough... I'm a bad wife and mother when I don't do what he likes or says. he even told his friend one time, if you don't show her who's in charge right off the bat, she's gonna think she's in charge of the whole relationship. what the heck is that?!?! I'm not like that, I'm not trying to control anyone,I wanted our relationship to be equal... ever since I got married he's wanted nothing to do with my family. the only time he's put up with them is when there helping us with our money issues and my parents ask why is he the way he is. I never know what to tell them but that he is that way and I can't change him. I loved him when we first met. I would have given him the world if he had stayed the way he was when we first met. he treated me like I was somebody... now he just kind puts up with me. I know he loves me but it's just not the way I thought it would be. I don't want to spend the rest of my life hating him, yet still with him out of not wanting to be alone. I get attention from other guys but I just wish he was sweet like when we first met. all that changed when bills, kids and his attitude started.

[LaborIntensive]

Oh no, sounds like some very bad control issues. The first step is to seek out help in these matters. Counseling is a good first start to remedy a broken relationship but if he refuses and becomes angry over the issue repeatedly then a next step may need to be taken. Just be sure your talking to a professional first. You can try your church as the first point of contact.

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by lostbeauty

I'm so sad, confused and lost....I need advice. I've been married for 14 years now. I have 3 kids. my self-esteem is bad. I wish I was strong enough to stand up for myself. at this point, I want out. I feel trapped when he's around. I feel like I can breathe when he's at work and its just me and the kids. he's never been physically abusive but I know mentally he has. I try and make decisions and he gets mad because I didn't ask him or tell him first. like letting my kids go to my parents house or going to the park. I just wonder why do I have to ask for permission if I'm a grown women?!?! everything I do isn't right or good enough... I'm a bad wife and mother when I don't do what he likes or says. he even told his friend one time, if you don't show her who's in charge right off the bat, she's gonna think she's in charge of the whole relationship. what the heck is that?!?! I'm not like that, I'm not trying to control anyone,I wanted our relationship to be equal... ever since I got married he's wanted nothing to do with my family. the only time he's put up with them is when there helping us with our money issues and my parents ask why is he the way he is. I never know what to tell them but that he is that way and I can't change him. I loved him when we first met. I would have given him the world if he had stayed the way he was when we first met. he treated me like I was somebody... now he just kind puts up with me. I know he loves me but it's just not the way I thought it would be. I don't want to spend the rest of my life hating him, yet still with him out of not wanting to be alone. I get attention from other guys but I just wish he was sweet like when we first met. all that changed when bills, kids and his attitude started.

sounds like you have a lost cause there, the comment "if you don't show her who's in charge right off the bat,she's going to think she's in charge of the whole relationship" is a humongous burning red flag. a relationship is not about who is in charge, a relationship is a partnership, a team ,two people that love each other and are working together for a common goal. none of this i'm in charge and she's not or i'm in charge and he's not. either he has got to toss that attitude or it's best you move on! IMHO, hope this helps! good luck!