[offthegrid]

I have been going out with a guy for about 5 months now, I knew him a year before that. So far things have been progressing nicely. He has been treating me well and we get along great and I am attracted to him physically. For personal and religious reasons I am adamant about not engaging in any kind of sexual activity until after I'm married. I have no hangups about sex or aversions to it. That isn't something I want to compromise on. I didn't outright bring that up when we first started dating (I did tell him I didn't feel comfortable with certain physical interactions at that point in time, approximately a month in). He took it well and didn't push the issue.

A few weeks ago I was stressed out about this and wanted to be direct. I did tell him blatantly about my standard. Again, he took it well and stated that he was okay with it and has so far remained respectful of this. Every now and then I can't help but wonder if he is this accepting or if he may be indulging himself elsewhere (he hasn't given me reason to think this though). IDK, part of me thinks I'm just naive and this whole relationship is too good to be true. From some things he's said, he has been physically intimate before so I suppose that matters. I'm feeling a little anxious about this for some reason. If I bring this up, will he think I'm being insecure? I have a lot of insecurities that frankly I try to hide because I don't want to run him off.

Originally Posted by offthegrid

I have been going out with a guy for about 5 months now, I knew him a year before that. So far things have been progressing nicely. He has been treating me well and we get along great and I am attracted to him physically. For personal and religious reasons I am adamant about not engaging in any kind of sexual activity until after I'm married. I have no hangups about sex or aversions to it. That isn't something I want to compromise on. I didn't outright bring that up when we first started dating (I did tell him I didn't feel comfortable with certain physical interactions at that point in time, approximately a month in). He took it well and didn't push the issue.

A few weeks ago I was stressed out about this and wanted to be direct. I did tell him blatantly about my standard. Again, he took it well and stated that he was okay with it and has so far remained respectful of this. Every now and then I can't help but wonder if he is this accepting or if he may be indulging himself elsewhere (he hasn't given me reason to think this though). IDK, part of me thinks I'm just naive and this whole relationship is too good to be true. From some things he's said, he has been physically intimate before so I suppose that matters. I'm feeling a little anxious about this for some reason. If I bring this up, will he think I'm being insecure? I have a lot of insecurities that frankly I try to hide because I don't want to run him off.

On the one hand I can understand your fears. In today's world it's easy to expect that everyone is doing it and it's a given that most men will expect sex from their partner, even outside of marriage. There is truth in that, but I will tell you honestly, it's not outrageous to think that he's actually being acommodating and finds other things in the relationship more important than sex right now.

i say this from experience. I am not necessarily one that would abstain from sex if I were with someone, but I also would not rush. moreover, if she were adamant about abstaining from it until marriage I would have no issue at all respecting that and I personally have no need to "get it elsewhere" Sex for me is not a need but a want and something that I can put off. If he's anything like me, and as committed as I tend to be, you have nothing to worry about. Just because you don't give into sex now does not mean he will go and find it elsewhere.

There is always that possibility and that will continue into marriage. The type of man that would do that now, it won't matter if you are giving him sex or not, he's the cheating type right off the bat. I believe that you should trust him until otherwise given reason not to. It doesn't sound like he's actually done anyting to break your trust at this point so this is probably your own fears only.

Not sure what to say to him to bring it up, I don't think if he's being honest with you, telling you repeatedly that he's not doing anything is going to help, I think it's something you need to work out in your head.

[hannabee]

Well said s4ndm4n2006!! Since this info and advice is from a male, I would listen. Men are sometimes not as complicated as we think. He is enjoying the "chase", if you will, and you have, no doubt, earned his respect. Don't compromise your values.

Originally Posted by hannabee

Well said s4ndm4n2006!! Since this info and advice is from a male, I would listen. Men are sometimes not as complicated as we think. He is enjoying the "chase", if you will, and you have, no doubt, earned his respect. Don't compromise your values.

Thank you. I might add that, personally if one waits for it, there is so much more relationship growth. I think that sex too soon can stunt the other aspects of a relationship at times. I don't think I'm alone in thinking this way at all.