I have been in a off and on again semi long distance relationship for about 3 years now. We have been with people between during the offs and sometimes during the ons. We had both been unfaithful, him more than me. It has been a year since we have last had infidelity's that I know of at least. He seems to have changed when it comes to cheating . He is more emotionally supportive when it comes to my frequent break downs and Problems with my OCD , Bipolar, and Depression. I do still love him, just the same issue comes up. He lives 2 hours down the interstate . He doesn't drive, I do but I can't make it down the interstate because my anxiety and slow car. When we do see eachother it is by his dad driving him to see me or pick me up. I don't like being picked up because I can't depend on his dad to have gas to bring me back in time for my frequent appointments. He frustrates me because he is 27 and lives at home with no drivers license and no job. He says he will work on it and blames his dad over the license.. He is emotionally immature and when he does apply to jobs he never checks in on them. He spends all day playing video games and settles for what he has rather than working to live better. I have had 3 jobs since we started dating and he has had 0. He keeps telling me he will get there but I am worried I will continue to put effort into a relationship that will have no future. It isn't enough for me to keep working if he won't work too and help out to moving in with eachother so we can finally start our lives.

I just want him to start caring about these things. I love him and honestly couldn't stop contact even if we broke up which would get us back together again eventually. I don't feel like I am strong enough to let him go just yet, but at same time I feel as though if I stay and he never improves I will have spent all my years holding onto someone who can't truly be there. It's like I have a relationship on hold all this time. We lived together a few years ago for 2 months but the fact he didn't apply for jobs and I had a job I didn't have gas money to get to and his trailer was nasty and the hot water went out.

I just HATE getting into this situation and I am so emotionally attached to him because he truly is a great guy he is emotionally supportive as mentioned, he is always there when I need him, and we get a long so well. Just wonder how we can keep doing this.

Sorry for the ramble just needed to get out.

[Travelinglady]

I have to say that I am wondering, too, if this relationship could be successful in the long run. Only he can decide to make changes, and he seems to make promises but not follow through.

I know this suggestion would be hard to implement, but I suggest you keep an oar in the water with him, but also start lseriously ooking around for other fish in the sea. It's not fair to you to have to be the one who works when he is not even trying. Surely there are other guys who are responsible and more mature at his age who would make you a nice permanent relationship.

My opinion, anyway.

Thank you for your reply your opinion is appreciated.

[hvert]

The distance would really get to me. Two hours is just too much, imo, especially if you have to rely on someone else for rides.

It doesn't sound like he is actively working to make changes in his life that would allow the two of you to be together, which makes me think that he is fine with things as they are.

Sometimes we fall in love with people we can't practically be with because they live too far away or have something going on that prevents a relationship. It hurts, but sometimes all we can do in those situations (that we have no control over) is to recognize reality and move on. I don't know if that is your situation or not, but your second paragraph had a lot of truth in it.

Originally Posted by hvert

The distance would really get to me. Two hours is just too much, imo, especially if you have to rely on someone else for rides.

It doesn't sound like he is actively working to make changes in his life that would allow the two of you to be together, which makes me think that he is fine with things as they are.

Sometimes we fall in love with people we can't practically be with because they live too far away or have something going on that prevents a relationship. It hurts, but sometimes all we can do in those situations (that we have no control over) is to recognize reality and move on. I don't know if that is your situation or not, but your second paragraph had a lot of truth in it.

Thank you for your reply. you are right. He and I recently decided to try and be friends . We are really codependent on eachother so breaking up and stop talking would be too much.