[Depletion]

So dating people has always come easy to me. I've had several serious relationships, and am now engaged to my bf of five years. The relationship has undergone some major stressors including, me being assaulted, him recovering from an addiction, and both of working though some major family trauma. These things have never been the easiest things to work though, but with lots of communication and honesty, we learned how to support each other. I feel at home in this relationship, and am completely comfortable with the level of honesty and communication that are required to make a romantic relationship work.

But I am just terrible at friendship. I often feel like people don't like me, and I really don't know howto get a friendship going. I'm terrible at small talk, and want deep connection right away. I don't really know how to invite someone in who I'm not pursuing. I often feel that the things that are on my mind are too controversial or deep for people to want to talk about in social situations, so I just say nothing or wind up making awkward off color jokes. I don't really know how to show anyone who I'm just meeting who I really am, because I fear that they won't like it, or will disagree with it.

And when it comes to being friends I'm not really sure what it is suppose to look like. I've had a few friends here and there, but a lot of them have been major flakes, or I end up being the person who initiates things all the time. And when that happens I start to assume this means the other person doesn't like me. But I never talk to them about this because I'm afraid of conflicts in friendships (but not in romantic relationships).

Does any one else struggle with this. Is there some way to transfer my romantic relationship skill to the "friend zone?"

[StuckinRut]

I strongly identify with a lot of what you wrote. I'm also terrible at small talk. This can lead to lots of long difficult silences when I'm in the company of certain people. I tend to gravitate towards deep thought and conversation. But I have discovered that a lot of people have a real aversion to this. I'm not sure what to advise, but maybe you should use the skills you already have for finding someone that you have a connection with. Someone once told me something, which I found useful in connection with friendships. He said that he maintained a range of friendships on different levels, some deep others shallow. This seems like god advice.

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by Depletion

So dating people has always come easy to me. I've had several serious relationships, and am now engaged to my bf of five years. The relationship has undergone some major stressors including, me being assaulted, him recovering from an addiction, and both of working though some major family trauma. These things have never been the easiest things to work though, but with lots of communication and honesty, we learned how to support each other. I feel at home in this relationship, and am completely comfortable with the level of honesty and communication that are required to make a romantic relationship work.

But I am just terrible at friendship. I often feel like people don't like me, and I really don't know howto get a friendship going. I'm terrible at small talk, and want deep connection right away. I don't really know how to invite someone in who I'm not pursuing. I often feel that the things that are on my mind are too controversial or deep for people to want to talk about in social situations, so I just say nothing or wind up making awkward off color jokes. I don't really know how to show anyone who I'm just meeting who I really am, because I fear that they won't like it, or will disagree with it.

And when it comes to being friends I'm not really sure what it is suppose to look like. I've had a few friends here and there, but a lot of them have been major flakes, or I end up being the person who initiates things all the time. And when that happens I start to assume this means the other person doesn't like me. But I never talk to them about this because I'm afraid of conflicts in friendships (but not in romantic relationships).

Does any one else struggle with this. Is there some way to transfer my romantic relationship skill to the "friend zone?"

i think dating & regular friendships are very similar, just with a different goal..every person you date isn't going to work out/turn into a full blown relationship as well same thing with friendships..the reality of the situation IMHO is most people are only going to have a few , close TRUE FRIENDS..the litmus test is to see how many of those people will help you when you need some money, that separates the real from the fake, for the most part, most of the people you meet in life will end up being acquaintances and not true friends, so i probably wouldn't worry too much about it..just be yourself and the people that matter will like you for who you are!