feeling left out in my relationship please help

me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 6 years. most of our relationship is great other than the problems here and there but who doesn't have problems in their relationships. im writting this because i want a little advise on the ways i have been feeling lately....like i said we have been together almost 6 years, hes thirty and im 25. lately i feel like im being left out not just in his life but us together as a couple. i know im only 25 and im younger than he is and all his friends, but lately all his friends have been getting married and having kids. we both agree we don't want kids but im feeling left out in the fact that he and i aren't thinking of marriage in anyway. sometimes it really bothers me and i don't think he loves me enough or he would have asked by now, (its been almost 6 years what are you waiting for mentaility kicks in) but i never bring it up to him or push him towards asking, i want it solely to come from him. and unfortunately hes a major flip flopper in anything in life, there have been days he will say things about what our wedding would be like or what he wants to do for it, then theres days where he says weddings are stupid and waste of time and money....so which am i supposed to believe....i understand im only 25 which is still young and i myself am in no rush to get married but some kind affirmation that its a possibility in the future would be nice. i find myself going with him to all of his friends weddings and feeling left out and sad that its never going to happen with us...is this wrong or selfish?

its not just that issue thats leaving me feeling left out, lately hes been pushing me more to the side for social media, his friends, and just generally lacking in the affections department. i ask him if somethings wrong and most of the time he says he just in his own little world...but again im feeling left out of the relationship for not getting the positive affection i need from him, and im not asking alot, a kiss or hug here or there to actually listen to me when im talking. he'll say that we have been together for so long people just kind of get used to one another i should just know things are fine and he doesn't need to do all these things anymore....but i don't want things to be like that i want to feel im loved not just told......so again my question is should i be feeling left out or is this just me being selfish and craving to much attention and affection from him?

also as a side note to feeling left out about getting married both our families and friends are constantly asking when he and i are getting married...it gets harder and harder for me to answer and it makes me sad when they ask, and we always just look at each other and brush it off and nothing more is said, it can be frustrating at times, cuz in some ways i feel like im wasting my time, but i do love him and want to be with him, im not going to leave just because i can't have a wedding im not that egotistical

Sounds to me like he's taking you for granted. If you want more out of life, youre going to have to do something to get it.

I hate to say it but as I read your posting I get the feeling that you really do want to get married and are upset because he does not. My husband was a confirmed bachelor when I met him and never wanted to get married. When our situation changed and we were not geographically close anymore I told him I could not be his friend. He was either going to marry me or forget about me. He needed that push to commit. We've been married for over 35 years.

As for him taking you for granted, the hugs and kisses are hollow acts if you have to ask for them. Try starting to show your appreciation for him by giving him affection, thanking him when he does something for you and pay attention to only him when you are together. He may get the hint and start acting the same way.

If he ignores you and takes you for granted he is treating you like many men treat a wife. Go for the wedding so you get the legal rights along with the other things you gain in a marriage.

any time we are around each other i do make the effect by showing him attention and affection, and he'll pull away saying im being weird or clingy, whihc in turn upsets me more. i would like to be married but at the same time in not in a rush to just get married right this second.
but i honestly think him seeing all his friends getting married and having kids is putting pressure and pushing him extremely slowly in the right direction, he'll openly talk about it when his friends are around, but then silence when it is just he an i, or i get the odd out of nowhere " when we/i have a wedding it'll be like this..."
the biggest compliant i have is just how he he seems to be out of the honeymoon stage of our relationship, but im not. its very irritating at time when im told im being weird or annoying when i do things he used to be all about me doing for him

and just to add a little to the story pretty recently we did break up for about a month, he kept talking to me and wanting to see me, but it was causing my depression to be worse, so i flat out one day told him look if were not getting back together i can't be your friend and i can't talk to you anymore at all.....so he literally turns around minutes later and says he wants me back but to take things slow...within minutes of that he was telling me how much he loved me and missed me and only wants to be with me??? it was very strange so im not sure how to really take what he says to heart, like days he says he doesn't want to get married but then turn around and openly talks about it to his friends....hes a huge flip flopper and its very annoying at times and its a big reason i feel neglected

first of all i will say this, you don't want to rush into marriage.marriage is a serious commitment that most people nowadays take way to lightly. the fact that he has mentioned it from time to time is a very positive step..when and if you guys get married you want it to work and not get married for the wrong reasons. you should get married after and only after you know that..
1) communication between the two of you is excellent and not combative
2) you have plenty in common and you genuinely enjoy spending a lot of time together
3) you have been through several crises and instead of working against each other you came through them as a team.
4) you are sexually compatible and enjoy making love to each other whenever either partner desires
5) you are affectionate and loving to each other and meet each other's needs in that area
6) financially you are capable of getting married and the costs involved and in agreement on what type of wedding you will have.
7) there are no major outside factors that could negatively affect your union left unresolved..i.e family members and relations with them, friends and relations with them.
8) you are on the same page when it comes to the subject of money.

as you look through this forum you will see it is littered with examples of what can happen and what does happen when a marriage goes south, i strongly urge you to read through these examples. like a relationship a marriage requires a lot of work and commitment...too few people realize when you get married it is no longer about just "you"..me becomes "we". for too many people the importance of this statement does not translate.

i get the opinion he is taking the mature approach to the subject..letting you know he is interested, but not rushing into it..you would be wise to follow his lead on this.

already i see problems in your relationship now.

any thought of marriage should be put on hold until these issues are resolved.
your emotional and affectionary needs are not being met..this is a problem already which will only intensify after you say " i do". you don't want "i do" to turn into "i don't". you are still very young and you have your whole life ahead of you there is no rush to get married..when you do it you want to do it right.
whether his friends are getting married or not should have no bearing on your situation...if they were all getting divorced would you want to be in that boat too? i think not.

worry about your relationship and you guys' happiness, what others are doing is irrelevant in your life, too many people get married because their friends are, or they had a child, or they are 20, or 25, or 30..these are silly reasons to get married.

ask yourself this question...if things stay the way they are in your relationship, would you be content to have it remain that way for the rest of your life? if not..marriage should be off the table until you are satisfied.

i sincerely hope you consider my advice.

do not succumb to outside pressures, you have to live with this man every day..they don't. simply politely answer..when we are ready you'll be the first to know. it is rude and insensitive for them to pressure you into such a serious decision..take your time, there is no rush. you want to get married when the BOTH of you are ready, not before.

if you guys are pressured int a wedding and things don't work out, you will seriously regret it..it is you guys' decision and yours alone, no one else's.
stay strong and be mature about this and you'll be glad you did.

ace333 i can see the red flags from a mile away, you guys have some underlying problems in your relationship that need to be addressed.the fact that when you attempt to show him affection he pulls away and says you are being "weird" or "clingy" is not normal.

let me ask you..has he always been like this?
how long has this been going on?
what in your relationship has changed?

apparently the two of you are not speaking the same "love language".
there was a poster on here who had a real good post on that a while back.
i would search and find it and it has an excellent link, it would do you some good to look into it.

again i cannot stress enough you want to get married for the right reasons not the wrong ones, in a previous post i mentioned the right reasons to get marrried, now i will do you the service of listing the wrong reasons.

1) because other people are doing it
2) because of pressure from friends or family
3) because of any legal or financial benefit
4) because of "security"
5) because you don't want to be alone
6) because "it feels right"

these reasons 99 out of 100 times will lead to either
a) an unhapy marriage or
b) a divorce.

these are all terrible reasons to get married and yet people continue to make the same mistakes every day.

the divorce rate in the united states is a whopping 50%, that is horrible.
take my advice, work out your problems with this man, be patient,
and make sure you guys do it right so you don't become a statistic.
most of all of my guy friends are married and are miserable, don't get me wrong.
marriage is a wonderful institution..it just needs to be done right.
they like to joke with me and tell me i was smart by not getting married, i inform them and correct them..it's not that i am smart, and i do plan to get married someday,
but when i do..i'm doing it right..me and the lucky lady are going to be on the same page about everything. no outside pressure, no crazy reasons to get married, we will be of one accord as simple as that..i'm patient..i can wait.
and my friend so can you...i hope this helps and i wish you luck in your situation

If he is not showing you affection now - for whatever your reasons are...do not "hope" it gets better - it does not..unless there are some underlying circumstances that need to be looked at - and maybe changed.