full spectrum of emotions on current events .....

I dont know how to start this other than an overview then to the current events.. and how I am feeling or even what to feel anymore .
The boyfriends children moved back in 6 months ago , they have previously resided with thier mother for the past 4 years . they are a girl { this one I have the most problems with, will go more indepth later } she is 14 the boy is 15 { hes not great but, managable }
During the time with thier mother supervision wasnt really there and they essentally ran around the neighborhood doing whatever, whenever. { mother was employed as a bartender } she had her older son " watch them" but, he was busy with his drug dealing ect to be of any real use .. the house was raided variety of occations .. the mother has since joined the carnaval and is touring with them .. now in the off season is bartending again.. The daughter at best is difficult I have a 13 yr old ..{ 14 end of March } is a generally a good kid ..other then the typical teenage stuff ..
He has either blinders or just outright chooses NOT to see what manulipuations they are doing or he is just going thru his male menopause or second childhood .. he allows them to run around do just about anything they want to they have no real disapline for bringing home bad grades .. or for wrong behavior. the girl of his gotton pregnant and had a miscarraige { according to her }
its more I am just the maid and cook here his daughter is just foul mouthed to me .. he wont do anything about it .. neither one does any chores its all dumped on my daughter and me. I try to have a general conversation with him .. his daughter intrupts he ignores me .. I get angry. he wont listen when I try to give my opinion of the differences in raising kids . he is " allowing them freedoms" .. which is wrong his daughter is barely 14 and gotton pregnant . the boy has gotton someone else preg. { in a different state } she miscarried he now has VD from some other girl over here.. they are simply little animals I find it discusting. at such a young age ..
We have been together for 8 years and I am wondering if the relationship is just simply over because of the different views of raising children. I try to talk to him I am either getting playcated or the brush off or basically ignored. I have tryed to communicate even wrote a letter he knows I am unhappy but doesnt make efforts to work on it or try to see what is wrong I am frustrated, angry, depressed , sad { I believe there are differences on being depressed and sad .. different variations } He isnt open to counceling at all ..... I have approached that also. I dont know if the better thing to do i move out and struggle financally or just accept this ..I love him and he is or was the one decent man I have been involved with. .. previous relationship was abusive physcally . I dont know i am on the fence per say and need to do something before I go insane or worse

its more of what does it matter anymore what I say or i am no longer your concern .. anymore or so it feels like anymore . I will end this on my still being completely confused more .

laverly, it seems to me that your boyfriend has two strikes against him. Number one is that this kids DEFINITELY need some disipline, and he is not providing it. I don't know what his reasons are, maybe he thinks he is doing right, maybe he doesn't care, or maybe he is afraid to, but in any case if you think about it, it is really a selfish thing to do because his kids are going to suffer for it. Where are they going to end up 5, 10 years from now without some disipline to at least try to set them straight?

Second thing is not caring about your feelings. Whether or not he is doing right by his kids, just the fact that it upsets you and causes you more work and grief makes it worth his attention if he cares about you.

Of course only you can decide how much you want to do and can do. Can you get counseling yourself if he is unwilling to do so? It might help with your peace of mind, might help clarify things for you, might give you some options. Could you offer some discipline to his kids and risk upsetting him if it might make things better? Also have you considered not picking up after them, have you and your daughter only clean your own stuff, and make it clear that if they don't want to live in filth then they have to help out?

Anyway good luck with this and keep posting here. There are people here with more experience with this kind of thing and I am sure they will have some suggestioins as well.

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
-- <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.idexter.com>http://www.idexter.com</A>

Thanks for your post Dexter

I have attempted to set boundries and disapline them I recieve foul remarks of " your not my parent or gaurdian so I dont have to do anything you say. " I have protested and not did some cleaning chores and I honestly think it bothers me more than them. I am not sure what counceling is avail for my income in this rural area. he has offered to " pencil me in to talk on saturday " ... nice, as if it would an imposition his children are going to thier mothers for spring break . I dont know if it to discuss me moving out and what belongings I am to take .. when I did mention I was considering it 3 months back.. he only responded with what are you going to take ? .. its just STUFF man .. it can eventually be relplaced .. I had to remind him that I am not like his ex wife and when I seperated from my ex husband I left him everything .. dont think i would change now and get materialistic
now, I just avoid being here as much as possible . I have joined a health club in the evenings and going to start college in the summer semester. its sad when you look forward to work instead of the weekends...
anyway, thank you for your reply
Still on the fence ...........