Hello

I'm not sure why I'm writing, I guess because depression has me wanting to skimp out on meeting somebody new for the first time in years. I was with my previous partner for over 6 years but have been alone the last 5 and have been so depressed at certain points I actually felt alien and could no longer relate to other people and had no desire for or understanding of close relationships.

Fast forward to now and I'm feeling slightly better but my situation is still crap (SSDI, renting a room from family). But I contacted somebody close-by with similar interests and demeanor in a lonely moment. They seem great and haven't judged me at all for the bits and pieces of depression/sickness I've shared online and we're planning to meet this weekend.... I just can't seem to get the little depressive nagging voice out of my head that says I'm not ready, I'll never be ready, I'll never be accepted, I'll never connect or relate to them now due to the alien feeling, may as well just go out and binge eat for the rest of the week and skip, etc.

Has anyone ever successfully ignored that voice for long enough to truly let somebody get to know them? I am afraid if I give in and back out I will keep doing this "not well enough" stuff for the rest of my life and I think only half of me wants somebody to be close to while the other half wants to stay alone. Not to mention it would be rude to her to skip but it's also not something you can really discuss in the first few emails. But I feel so worthless that skipping seems like maybe doing them a favor too.

I understand I am still very much in the thick of my depression, it hasn't relented all these years no matter what medication/therapy i'm involved with so I've almost come to accept it as a fact of life and am learning to start managing. Just not sure if acceptance also means I have to be alone.

Not sure what to do.

[healingme4me]

Falls in line with, if they can't appreciate you, at your worst then they aren't able to accept you at your best.

Sent from my LGMS323 using Tapatalk

[curley]

Hi KitKit, Yes you should go on your date. It will be fun. Just relax and enjoy the company of your new friend. It is a date and not a life time commitment.
Please do not listen to the voice in your head if it is so negative about you the person the voice should love the most!!
Don't worry about being depressed, etc, just try to have a good time!!!