[Wu_chen]

My mother is a wonderful lady. She is very loving and on the rare occasion she has made some comments that seem to harbor much wisdom! The reality though, is that she is not in a good place right now. She just sleeps all day and watches TV all night. Sometimes loudly even when I ask her to turn it down because my little brother is trying to sleep and has to wake up for school. She always makes sure to feed us but it’s always starchy white bread, cheese, chicken nuggets, and pastries. I cleaned out the fridge recently, dumping out bags of expired milk, cheese, other weird jars of stuff. I try to buy lots of vegetables, and healthy grains, but then she goes and orders take out and the stuff in the fridge is forgotten. I have long given up on her.


She is an adult, she can make her own decisions, fine, but it is affecting my little brother. He is 13 and a bit slow, so he has a tutor and we put him in any extracurricular that will take him so he can socialize with other kids. He is overweight (my whole family is), and is pretty much addicted to his ipad. He doesn’t voluntarily go outside. I drag him out and he begrudgingly complies. He gives up fast and he is old enough to be on his own. He stays up until 2 sometimes even when i take the ipad and phone away, I once got home from work and he had eaten a very large danish for dinner while my mom was sleeping on the couch. I know she has some problems sometimes and the is seeing a therapist but this is terrible. I am only home for the summer and I will be leaving far away for school, and eventually work. It pains me to know that he is child with so much potential but my mother is a toxic, lazy shopaholic (definitely could have used that jewelry money for a personal trainer for him, or 3). Sometimes I wish she had a mental condition so we could send her to a home and start fresh and visit her and she would be happy just hanging out with the others there (she also has no friends due to her obnoxious personality). My sister has definitely given up entirely. She can’t even have a conversation with my without wanting to slap her.


I try my best to be patient but it’s just so sad that my brother is being raised (not really) by her. I have tried my best to talk to him and my mother, trying to explain that I love them and I want to help them help themselves but nothing seems to work. I can’t kick her out of her own house, I can’t change her, and I will be leaving to go to school soon. What can I do?

Even if you don’t have answers, just knowing if someone is in the same boat will be emotionally helpful.

[Travelinglady]

Hi, Wu_Chen, and welcome to Psych Central!

I can understand why you would be concerned about your brother.

I am wondering where your father is. Is he in your life at all?

I haven't had this kind of experience, but maybe someone else who has will see your post before too long.

[Iwanttochange]

Originally Posted by Wu_chen

My mother is a wonderful lady. She is very loving and on the rare occasion she has made some comments that seem to harbor much wisdom! The reality though, is that she is not in a good place right now. She just sleeps all day and watches TV all night. Sometimes loudly even when I ask her to turn it down because my little brother is trying to sleep and has to wake up for school. She always makes sure to feed us but it’s always starchy white bread, cheese, chicken nuggets, and pastries. I cleaned out the fridge recently, dumping out bags of expired milk, cheese, other weird jars of stuff. I try to buy lots of vegetables, and healthy grains, but then she goes and orders take out and the stuff in the fridge is forgotten. I have long given up on her.


She is an adult, she can make her own decisions, fine, but it is affecting my little brother. He is 13 and a bit slow, so he has a tutor and we put him in any extracurricular that will take him so he can socialize with other kids. He is overweight (my whole family is), and is pretty much addicted to his ipad. He doesn’t voluntarily go outside. I drag him out and he begrudgingly complies. He gives up fast and he is old enough to be on his own. He stays up until 2 sometimes even when i take the ipad and phone away, I once got home from work and he had eaten a very large danish for dinner while my mom was sleeping on the couch. I know she has some problems sometimes and the is seeing a therapist but this is terrible. I am only home for the summer and I will be leaving far away for school, and eventually work. It pains me to know that he is child with so much potential but my mother is a toxic, lazy shopaholic (definitely could have used that jewelry money for a personal trainer for him, or 3). Sometimes I wish she had a mental condition so we could send her to a home and start fresh and visit her and she would be happy just hanging out with the others there (she also has no friends due to her obnoxious personality). My sister has definitely given up entirely. She can’t even have a conversation with my without wanting to slap her.


I try my best to be patient but it’s just so sad that my brother is being raised (not really) by her. I have tried my best to talk to him and my mother, trying to explain that I love them and I want to help them help themselves but nothing seems to work. I can’t kick her out of her own house, I can’t change her, and I will be leaving to go to school soon. What can I do?

Even if you don’t have answers, just knowing if someone is in the same boat will be emotionally helpful.

First of all, I want to say that I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you have to deal with this. I know you aren't asking for "pity" and thats not what I'm trying to give you. I just want you to know that its not okay that this is happening and its not okay that you have to bear all of this burden. You said that your brother is involved in some extracurricular activities. Is there a coach, teacher, or other adult that can kind of take your brother under their wing? It sounds like your brother is going to need some one to push him when you are away. What about your sister? Is she willing to help out more? You're right, you can't make your mother change, but there is still hope with your brother! And who knows, maybe eventually your mother will see the hard work that you and your siblings have put in and start to want to change?