[Makarenko]

1. Hello,
   
   23m Brazilian here, I came here to ask about a friendship problem.
   
   I am working on an indie PC game with my long-time friend of 6 years, beginning last May 2013.
   From February, some of our meetings started to worsen. Sometimes, when I would offer an idea, he would shoot it down asap if he had a bad mood. Ex. If I included a new monster, he would say why it won't work, and when I said why could it work, he'd say "Well I do not agree, so it won't be included".
   I didn't mind a few times and tried to find fault on my side - I don't mind to check my ideas that might not be as good as they seem. Or, he might be just moody and we can work on the game another time.
   
   Two days ago, as our meeting passed, he became less and less interested in helping me work on a new game feature I proposed, instead again going "I do not agree, so too bad". I proposed leaving it to a betatest (where I would truly see if it works or not, and which has to be done anyway), again, no. If there was three of us, the problem would be solved; I have assembled a group I get feedback from on the mechanics when we are not sure, but he does not listen to that either.
   
   In the past half year, he had some bad luck; a girlfriend of 4 years broke up with him and he cannot find a new one, he has a tremendous pressure in the company he works in, people from his aikido club of 10 years seem to overlook him and his band of 4 years had fallen apart, including some of his closest friends. Just two days ago he mentioned he feels much more withdrawn from people and seemed a lot more nervous and anxious then usual.
   
   I feel he starts to act more like an executive than a partner; I am slowly starting to burn out. Ideas do not come so often and I become less interested in the game. This must stop, but I do not want to be rude to him: we have basically bet our friendship on the success of the game. If I attack him back, the game might dissolve, and so our friendship. On the other hand, I have had just enough of this and want to proceed as even partners. I can finish the game solo, but I would rather work with him. I have the same say as he has.
   
   Two days back, he even started pestering me about not leaving tips when we ordered two cups of coffee, saying he is embarassed by me and verbally attacking me. I got that he might be just sad and depressed, but this is really going over the top.
   
   Any advice how to process next is much appreciated. I was thinking of telling him my feelings and considering a pause, or keep working anyway? I do not like having my ideas shot down by an even partner as if he was my superior. I also get that it might be because of his mood. Is there another option?

[Rose3]

Sounds like you would like to make some progress with things, yet this partner seems sort of negative or disagreeable or criticizing. As you have tried to understand what might be happening in his life that would be possible factors, it seems that there's imbalance. Perhaps a pause would be helpful? And perhaps your efforts to communicate with him about things will be helpful too. About the not leaving tips - maybe the two of you could discuss that too, and find out what each one of you considers to be appropriate (and discuss his feelings of embarrassment).

Quick question: in addition to considering the above, have you ever told him exactly how you feel about what's going on? There's a lot of frustration coming from your words, so I was wondering if you told him that and he didn't acknowledge what you said.

[Makarenko]

Originally Posted by herpoorsoul

Quick question: in addition to considering the above, have you ever told him exactly how you feel about what's going on? There's a lot of frustration coming from your words, so I was wondering if you told him that and he didn't acknowledge what you said.

I did not. Throughout all the years, we have gotten through problems without ever talking to each other about them. Maybe by intuition, I don't know. Last time I have talked to him about it (in a very general way, just talking about our lives), he does not appear to grasp what is going on, not because he would be stupid, but as if nothing was going on. Maybe I really should tell him about it.