Hi all,

I have a question, if anyone with experiences like these can answer. It's always upset me, but I keep calm about it and try to think it out. I can't answer it. It's about step parents, and how some seem unhappy with the kids, or kids seem unhappy with the step parents. I've never had a step parent myself. When my parents divorced, my dad tried dating other woman. I was happy for it. I hoped that I may even have the mother I never had, seeing how my own was quite selfish, or even just a good older friend with a motherly attitude.

So, when may Dad met a lady, even one with kids herself, she did act motherly once and awhile. I put on a smile and gave her compliments, trying to get closer. But, it still didn't change anything. It didn't help that I was shy. She was usually upset around me, and jumped at the chance to leave our house when she could. Her face would go from unhappy and sad to very joyful, and she would sometimes chat and ignore me as she left. One time she and my dad were leaving, and when I came up behind her to ask something (I forgot what it was), she didn't look behind her and slammed the door . I was very hurt (emotionally), and those days, I saw Dad less and less... But, he seemed happy. He seemed to have distanced himself from me. I didn't realize it at the time, but it was a good thing. I could have used the chance to learn to be less clingy, which I had issues with. However, the lady became more and more short with me...

Sadly, that relationship didn't last, but the next woman did exactly the same thing, even though she was a very different person! What was going on?

Did they feel bad about spending time with Dad and I wasn't invited, or was it the opposite, and was upset Dad spent time with me? I was only an adolescent. I did need my Dad for things, after all, to survive and for emotional support until I grew up. I didn't mind Dad going out with them at all! After his depression when mom left, I was just so happy to seem him smiling and hopeful again.

Can anyone explain this? Whenever I think about it, I always feel down. Like I did something bad... Did I?

[kaliope]

you have to know that you didn't do anything wrong here. it is great that you were happy for your dad to have new relationships. there are plenty of great step parents out there who are loving and supportive. you unfortunately did not end up with any of them, it seems your dad attracted a certain type of woman. some people don't like to share. some people resent the responsiblilty of caring for antoher persons child. some don't like the competition for dads time. your dad obviously attracted these type of women. it wasn't about you. it was about their personalities and their possessiveness over your father. you were in the way. you had every right to be there. you came first. your dad should have defended you to these women. you may have put his need for happiness over your needs and not told him what you were experiencing. but what you experienced was a common dynamic. do not accept blame whatever you do. take care.

Thank you kaliope. You've made me feel better. I have known kids who have step parents that love them greatly, so that's definitely true. I've even met at least one person who took on their partner's kids when they passed on. It sounds very sweet. I suppose it's different for each family. About my Dad... Hmmm, that could be very true. I don't know for sure, but I do know my mom was much like the women you described.

I can understand that there may be a lot of uncomfortableness at first with parents new partners and the kids, but that doesn't mean it can't turn into a healthy relationship or at least a nonaggressive relationship at first. I know some kids turn WAY against the new person their parent is dating, so I can also understand if the new boyfriend/girlfriend is unhappy at first with the kids. But, they are children, and not adults. I think that a good person does at least try to be understanding. Also, my Dad loved me a lot since I was born. If the women were jealous, could it be because not only my Dad spent a decent amount of time with me, but also because they may have not received that sort of love from their parents as well? I may be thinking too much into this, though.