[kat-hui-kim1993]

My boyfriend and I haven't been together long. We started talking in March and started dating in April. I moved in with him at the end of April. Well a week in advance he told me that he had a job opportunity in florida and he's taking it. He said he still wanted to be together....but he's 7 hours away. The thing is thatvwe were running a personal care home together where we both live and i have two choices. Quit my other job and do the care home fulltime which will significantly reduce my income....or keep my other job and have nowhere to live. He left me in a bind. He says I'm being selfish bc ai want him to come back and help me and stay...but I feel like he's being selfish by leaving me this way. He says he loves me and he cares but I don't see how. I've been conatantly depressed. I've cried myself sick over the situation. I don't know what to do. Should I stay with this man? Should I quit my other job in order to keep a roof over my head? I'm just ....ugh.

[Travelinglady]

Hi, kat and welcome to Psych Central! That is quite a dilemma. It does bother me that he didn't sit down and discuss all the plans with you, but just up and left. I'm not sure that shows a man who truly does love you.

Let's see what other folks say.

First thing I see is either or both of you are very impulsive people. After about 2 months you moved in with each other. This poses a lot of problems even without considering the financial bind you're in.

I am of the thought that real love does not come quick and easy but it grows with time and comes from trust, and understanding each other. There is no way on this earth that in my mind you were truly in love, and I hate to be harsh but it's not surprising that he's capable of an impulsive decision to just up and leave like that. True, it doesn't reflect well on him but it comes as no shock to me, tbh.

Choose what you're going to do with your life, job and living quarters but I will be blunt here. Move on. I don't know all of the circumstances for how you've met but in the very short amount of time, he's already shown he's probably not stable, doesn't likely understand the meaning of loving someone, let alone be the type of person to think of you, but only his own needs and wants. In essence he wants what he wants and doesn't want to give up "having" you as a gf but isn't about to sacrifice his goals or compromise them at all for you. Is that the type of relationship you want to go into?

Why sacrifice for him? There is no good reason to remain with this person. GEt yourself together and do what you need to for your life to become stable, whether staying at your job or taking the one that allows you to have housing. Work on you and be independent. As long as you NEED him for your stability you're going to remain at a disadvantage to his whims.

One thing regarding jobs and finances. It is true you'll make less on the job where you do housekeeping, but don't forget the factor that (what it sounds like anyways) is your housing. If it's giving you housing that's a huge chunk of financial burden that's not on you. Sure you might seem to make a bit more at the other job but you'll also be responsible for 100% of the rent or payment when you do find something so factor in how much that cuts into this higher finacial salary and you'll have a better perspective.

[hvert]

I guess you can be thankful that he showed you his true colors early on. It sounds like you will be better off without him. He sounds like the selfish one to me.

Would it be possible to find someone else to help you run the care home so you can keep your job and your place to live?