FAQ/Help |
Calendar |
Search |
Poohbah
Member Since Nov 2006
Location: Washington
Posts: 1,395
17 3 hugs
given |
#1
by my self-centered leech of a daughter! Take, take, take, use and abuse me and then tell me what else she wants me to do while I'm still reeling!!
She moved back in with me RENT-FREE for the last 6 months and is telling everyone and anyone who will listen that she can't stand to live with me, that I have zero respect for her and she has no say here. I love her, support her, meet her needs financially, take care of her dog while she's at work or out partying, drive her around all afternoon so she can pick up her check, cash her check, take the dog to the groomer, pick the dog up from the groomer, go shopping at Big Lots to buy new stuff for her new apt. -- and I also buy new stuff for her apt!! I keep her on my insurance policy so she'll have medical and dental. And she doesn't even say thank you. EVER!! I'm done. No more. Not doing, or buying, or helping with ANOTHER THING!!! I'm done. I feel....inconsolable. Thanks for listing, Okie __________________ |
Reply With Quote |
Legendary
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: ohio, us
Posts: 15,446
(SuperPoster!)
19 23 hugs
given |
#2
((((((((((((( okie ))))))))))))))))
i understand. i firmly believe what i've read...that the mother-daughter relationship is the most complex that there is. i hope you find peace soon. KD __________________ |
Reply With Quote |
Poohbah
Member Since Nov 2006
Location: Washington
Posts: 1,395
17 3 hugs
given |
#3
Thanks for the hug. It is just all so very painful. I remember that this is a difficult age....I think I treated my own mother horribly at that time in my life. Time is going by so fast, it's all a blur. My grandmother, my mother...pretty soon we'll all be on the wrong side of the grass.
__________________ |
Reply With Quote |
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
#4
The first question that comes to mind is, why? why are you doing all this for your daughter if you know she is this way? Why are you driving her around? why are you allowing her to live with you rent free?
|
Reply With Quote |
Legendary
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: Ga
Posts: 13,936
19 34 hugs
given |
#5
oh I so understand where you are coming from hon! I have that same kind of relationship with my daughter and it HURTS!! you do and do and do and nothing nada zip! they expect it from you. no thanks ever given. my daughter lived with us for 4 yrs rent free. not offering to pay one thin dime. borrow money and never repay it.
I feel the same way as you do! you are not alone hon. (((Hugs))) __________________ He who angers you controls you! |
Reply With Quote |
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
#6
do you watch Super Nanny? okiedokie, it's your home, your car, your life, your heart, your money and she doesn't respect you. why are you doing all of this for her? how old is she? isn't she in her 20s?
i hate to be so blunt, but it won't be better if you continue enabling her disrespect. she's got it made and you're paying for all of it. money and emotionally. if she's old enough to have an apartment, she's old enough to support herself. your pain is so apparent. please seek some help and change the patterns of your relationship with her. love, pat |
Reply With Quote |
Pandita-in-training
Member Since Sep 2006
Location: Maryland
Posts: 27,289
(SuperPoster!)
18 550 hugs
given |
#7
Good suggestion with "Supernanny," Pat, I was thinking "Reba" :-)
Do everything you do for yourself and because it's a reflection of the person you want to be, not for the other person. They're always going to have a different perspective and you're always not going to give enough, hear bad things secondhand, etc. You know your heart and how much you love your daughter and I think she will (eventually) too. It's very sad your daughter can't see beyond her own nose at the moment, is so anxious to get out on her own she doesn't recognize a good thing when she has it. (((Okie))) __________________ "Never give a sword to a man who can't dance." ~Confucius |
Reply With Quote |
Wise Elder
Member Since Jul 2004
Location: PA USA
Posts: 7,878
20 14 hugs
given |
#8
also this may help teacher her respect, at the end of each pay week, prepare a bill
Rent $00, Cleaning $00, Cooking $00, Laundry Services $00, Taxi Services $00, Medical Insurance costs $00, tell her if your so bad she can start paying you for services rendered as she would a maid, or she can treat you as the caring mother she ignores __________________ A good day is when the crap hits the fan and I have time to duck. |
Reply With Quote |
Most Legendary Elder
Member Since Jul 2003
Location: CA
Posts: 22,211
(SuperPoster!)
21 397 hugs
given |
#9
Like Dr. Phil says "You teach people how to treat you." He also asks "Is it working for you?"
I'm sorry. I know how it feels, believe me. __________________ Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. |
Reply With Quote |
Poohbah
Member Since Nov 2006
Location: Washington
Posts: 1,395
17 3 hugs
given |
#10
Thanks you guys! Pat, she just turned 21. You are all correct, for sure. I'm changing things a little at a time. I think part of it is that she knows that as her mother, I will love her forever, no matter what, more than anyone else in her life. I think she considers me "safe." What Dr. Phil refers to as a "safe place to fall." If I could just teach her not to pee in her life boat!
__________________ |
Reply With Quote |
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
#11
well, okie, both of my daughters know i love them but i don't pay their rent or their utility bills. and they know that i would be a safety net, but i wouldn't do it at the peril of my own safety or sanity. 21 is old enough drink and vote. so, she's sure old enough to support herself and live on her own.
you don't "owe" her anything. you gave her life and shelter when she couldn't provide it herself. now, she can provide it. the longer you put it off, the longer it will take for her to have pride in taking care of herself and being self-sufficient. it may not look that way, to you, but that's the way it works for people. being dependent upon someone else doesn't foster pride or insight......it just keeps them dependent. love, pat |
Reply With Quote |
Grand Magnate
Community Liaison
Member Since Oct 2006
Location: OHIO
Posts: 4,344
17 45 hugs
given |
#12
Hello Ihope htings get better for you soon. I think and feel that you need to set some rules for your daughter in your home. The first rule is to respect you and figuring out what she needs to pay to stay in your home. Rent Free is not acceptable to someone your daughteers age and it is not responsible on your part to let he live off of you. Perhaps you getting money from your daughter for her own car would be a good idea. There is always Metropolitan Housing in every state and this goes by income generally 30%. Your daughter may need to live in different housing than with you. You are enabling your daughter to disrespect you by letting her disrespect you, by not setting the GROUND Rules, and the boundaries. There is nothing wrong with wanting to live your own life and have your daughter have her own life, since it a conflict for you and your daughter to get along at this time. I have an older daughter 22 so I know where you are coming from but sometimes it is better to let go of the children when they become adults to be able to live their life and your own. I am really concerned about your mental health as well, you need to feel safe in your own home and with yourmental health. If your daughter is capable of working and supporting herself perhaps the best thing is to let her get a car with the money she is not payng for rent and let her live by herself. You dont have to feel alone or guilty for making the right decisions for youe life. I hope the best for you. Take care and stay safe Soidhonia
__________________ The Caged Bird Sings with a Fearful Trill of Things Unknown and Longed for Still and his Tune is Heard on the Distant Hill for the Caged Bird Sings of Freedom |
Reply With Quote |
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
#13
|
Reply With Quote |
Most Legendary Elder
Member Since Jul 2003
Location: CA
Posts: 22,211
(SuperPoster!)
21 397 hugs
given |
#14
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
If I could just teach her not to pee in her life boat! </div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> LOL Sometimes they have to learn that on their own... the hard way! That's also a part of loving her... TOUGH LOVE. They'll never learn to fly if you don't kick them out of the nest. __________________ Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. |
Reply With Quote |
Reply |
|
Similar Threads | ||||
Thread | Forum | |||
Feeling Destroyed | Depression | |||
Destroyed | Depression | |||
Destroyed-My cat died | Depression |