[august burning]

My bf and I have been together for four years and we have five kids between us. The first six months were pure bliss. Since that time, things have been a roller coaster and are often very rocky. I struggle with BPD and a lot of our problems are rooted in my personal, internal battle. It doesn't take much to set me off and I am so easily offended and hurt. When we fight I feel horrible and often feel like every little thing is my fault. I even accuse my bf of intentionally causing me to feel bad, get angry, or push my buttons just so he can tell me how wrong my thinking is. I'm so emotionally distraught most of the time to even honestly know what I'm upset about or what was or wasn't really said or done. I know I am pushing my bf to his limit with me. I am closer to losing him than I would like to admit. I don't know how to get what I need from him emotionally and I am often convinced that he only stays with me to make sure I keep hurting. That little rational part of me knows that isn't true, but I can't help feeling that way. He doesn't have mental or emotional issues and has a difficult time understanding me and accepting my disorder. Is there any way I can salvage what's left of our relationship but it dies?

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[itsme45]

Have you thought of going into therapy? Reading your post it I feel in the state you are In any relationship would be difficult. I am myself a very over-wrought and nervous person, not to forget my recent trauma ( you can rad it in my posts) and I am seriously looking at calming techniques like mediation and prayer. I think you'v already made the first break...recognising and speaking of your issues. Get professional help for yourself. If you get yourself sorted out the relationship will be then clear to you and you will know whether the relationship is worth saving or not. Hugs!