Wife does not know if she wants me.

I am very very down at the moment.

First I have to say I have not been the perfect husband and not always listened to my wife of 1.5yrs and done what she has asked.

Two days after xmas this year she told me she was not attracted to me and does not know if our marriage is ment to be. She told me she has had this feeling before we where married. It has gotten to the point where she hangs out with other people including guys and knows this hurts, but does it anywise and says she does not know why.

Since then I have mad some major changes in my life and have gotten things done and done my part to do chors.

My wife has no idea what she wants and why she is acting this way. We have started to go to a counselling about a week and a half ago and have another appointment on Monday comming.

She has started to talk sepperation, since in her mind it might help her understand she has a good thing.

I don't know what to do... I have been trying to talk with her and she says she does not know how to talk about it. She has a million things to say not sure how to say it.

I love this woman so much and don't want to loss her. I have tried from the start again and trying to seduce her. last week before she came home I set the bathroom up with candles and music. She loved it ! This Friday I am taking her out for dinner and mini put. I even made an invation for it and will buy a rose on my way home to go with the invatation. The only bad thing is when we get home we have to look after our nephew.

I am so lost and scared and I guess I needed to vent more....

Andrew-Thankyou for posting this dear. First of all a real man will do all the things you are doing for her. Also I did similar stuff to my new hubby as she did. I quit doing my crap cause I love that MAN so damned much and don't want to do that no more.

We try again and it works alittle each time. So there are not any exact promises yet there is glimmers of discovering love together as a team. Breathe more Breathe more

You can spread amoris affection to her and she will get it.

Now Andrew-Some women are different. Each is different so there aren't any promises from me here. I hope she is a good one. There are good ones and there are medeocre ones and really stinkey ones Andrew.

Keep in mind "You" are ok! Keep in mind "YOU are a fabulous MAN with out one shadow of a doubt Andrew."

So..........Certainty is not in the world for any of us but believing in the best outcomes is good. Please take care of yourself because "YYou " are worth it and always have been!

If "She" Throws your love away like trash, than she is a loser not you. She is also stupid and ***** and a stinker. There are others that arent---Remember THAT.

Improvement always feels so good and is to be valued. "Virtue " like "love " is so full of spledor. A woman develops it in marriage and learns it from the man. The feeling "Virtue" is almost orgasmic but is all a mind state of pure balance due to a sharing of good love. It isn't "actually a orgasm and is not a sexual thing;" No, the feeling of "Virtue, "is bliss , in another way and a couple really can relish that feeling. Sometimes a couple gets to that feeling level, but today, this day in age, I personally in my opinion only don't think too many couples "EVER" get it, how so sad so bad.

I hope I did not say anything offensive or marshmelloing to you and if I did please forgive me. Razel

YOU ARE GOOD AND DESERVE THE BEST, NOTHING BUT THE VERY BEST MAN.

razeljenny...

Thank you very much for the kind words !

I am trying so hard to re-win her over. I just hope it is not to late and that she sees the light per say.

I know she is torn over this since she gets upset sometimes when we talk and cries.

I am doing my best to help her talk about it.

Kudos!

I wasn't going to post on this one but I have to.
first of all Andrew you do what you think is best to "win" her back over. the problem is these days most people stop working at relationships after they are married. At least she is considering counseling at this point. that is a plus.

razel don't you think you calling his wife stupid and a ***** is a little harsh? maybe it isn't if you know them but geesh! I would not want anyone calling my husband names like that even if I did post our issues here. just my thoughts. please think before name calling.

Andrew ~ I really have no right to post this since I am new BUT as a recently devastated wife I only wish and pray my husband would try to win my love like you are trying to do with your wife. Your post brought tears to my eyes and just reminds me of all the things I am missing!
If she's worth it keep trying ~ but sometimes we can't make other people love us the way we love them!

andrew, i hope your "wake up" call didn't come too late and your wife responds as you need her to. don't put off today what you can do tomorrow when it comes to working on the relationship. you have to be 100 % invested in making this work.

it sounds to me as if you're taking it seriously and hopefully things will work for the two of you.......xoxox pat

I'm sorry you are going through that, Andrew! It is refreshing to hear these sorts of thoughts and insecurities from a man. Anyways, just a couple of comments about yours and others' posts. I think you should continue to do anything in your power to show her your love and support. However, there is only so much one person can do. Don't break your neck trying to "win" someone back- what I mean is, continue to put yourself first. Secondly, I do not agree with name-calling of your spouse, especially since nothing in your post even indicated that your wife was those things. Troubled and confused about a relationship does not equal b#!*%!. And, my third little bit of inut is that someone else stated that it is difficult to get someone to love you the way that you love them. Not only do I think it is difficult, but I think it is nearly unobtainable. No two people feel or show love in the same way, so I sometimes feel that when someone in a relationship starts thinking, "he doesn't do 'x' and I do 'x' all the time!- he must not love me the way I love him"- I just think that sort of thinking sets a person up for warped thinking and feeling.

That's just my thoughts on this topic.

Good luck with everything and keep us posted! You sound like a wonderful person who deserves wonderful things- whether that end up meaning with her or without her!

well said!!

Hi Andrew, I'm sorry you are going through all this with your wife. I'm glad to hear you are both going to counseling together, that's wonderful!

One thing that you said that struck me was that when you both get home from your date, you have to take care of your nephew. Does he live with the both of you? The reason I ask is that you and your wife are newlyweds. If you are having to take care of a child, especially one that is not your own, it can put a strain on your relationship. Could your wife be feeling like she is stuck in a situation that changes what her ideas of what your marriage would be or should be like? Maybe I'm way off base here, it's just a thought.

I wish you both well and hope you can work through your issues.

Hugsssssss
Jean

Hello Andrew. I am glad to hear that you are in counseling, but have you considered that your wife may have a mental health issue? This will probably be discovered in counseling, and you really need to focus on getting your wife a diagnosis if her behavior is based on a mental health issue. Some people make decisions that are not rational at times if they have a mental health disorder. Dr Scott Wylie. Psisci in the drug forum has a chat today at 2:30 PM maybe he could give you some insight on your wifes problems. I think you need to think that there is something going on that needs to be addressed more than just counseling, in case it is mental health based and your wife needs more in depth help. I think it is very admirable of you to help as you do you must be a very good husband to your wife. Take care I hope the best for you and your wife. Soidhonia

Thank you all !

We managed to work something out in regards to our nephew and I will pick him up Saturday morning so that we have a nice night tonight.

So last night I went to the store and picked some things up for dinner and a rose to go with my invatation for dinner tonight. I got home and started on a nice spaghetti dinner with fresh garlic bread. She came come and we ended up working in the kitchen together. It was nice !

my wife loved the rose and invatation I made for her for our date tonight.

We talked some more and I am starting to understand her points. She did tell me it is something we can try work on. She used the example of a ball of wax building up and it is now rolling down hill. We have to reverse the trend.

I am looking forward to our date tonight! she has been wanting to go for chicken wings so we are going to a place that has some good wings. Then it is off to play a game of glow-in-the-dark mini golf. She loves to play that and we have not been in ages.

wonderful!!!! I think one very important key in a marriage is to continue to date each other! it helps keep it alive and thrieving. good luck!

You are a special guy and she is lucky to have you. I think she realizes that and I'm so glad she is willing to work through your issues. Best of luck to you both and have a wonderful time!!

Hugsssss
Jean

Dear Andrew --

I certainly support your efforts and your wife's to build a good marriage and relationship. One things I'd like to add about "winning her back," is that we cannot make anyone love us. Love is a mysterious thing.

I do hope and pray that the counseling helps both of you.

Hugs and prayers.