Do I have daddy issue? If so,how can I solve it??

I'm 26 and I've always have a thing for older men. I've been happily together with my same-age boyfriend for over 3 years now, but sometimes I can't help to fantasize myself to be sexually involved with some older men. I don't like this, I feel like doing something wrong!

I grew up pretty much without my dad, not his fault though. He was a construction worker, earns very little, he couldn't afford to have all of us(me,my mom,my older brother,my older sister) living in the city together, plus my mom couldn't get a permanent visa to stay in the country (excuse me I don't want to reveal where, not the U.S though), so she,my bro and I had no choice but to live in the rural village where my dad was born. My mom has given all of her love and care to me, she is such a great mom. As for my sister, she lived in the city across the boarder with dad. They only came back once or twice a year until my dad passed away because of cancer. I was 8. After that, I and my brother moved to the city to live with my sister, however my mom couldn't due to visa issue. My sister was only 15 then, but she already needed to take up the responsibility to look after me and my brother who was 12 then. My brother was no help to the family, he ditched responsibility all the time, so my sister and I had to take care of things by ourselves, such as fixing tv, changing lightbulb. I had to cook dinner for all of us since the age of 9 and my brother wouldn't even help me with the dishes. That's how I grew up. Of course things have gotten a lot better since my sister started working after finishing high school.
The first guy I dated was my age. Then I was with a guy who was 4~5 years older than me for 1.5 years. After that there were only some dates with a few different guys. It only started to change when I was 20. I met this guy online, he was 30,divorced. He was something new to me, he was smart, knowledgeable, considerate, and he had taken care of me in many ways. He had treated me like a treasure, listened to me and guided me through my life. Whenever I was with him, I felt protected, I felt safe and he would take care of everything for me, I felt like a loved baby. I was madly in love with him , however I wasn't the only girl he loved. He wasn't looking for a serious relationship, he didn't want to be tied down again...we were on and off for 3 years, during that period of time, I had tried to go out with other older men, it didn't work. However I realized only older men interest me. I like to spend time with them because they are more interesting to talk to. I had nothing in common with guys similar age.
After 3 years of that messy relationship, I finally decided to leave. Thought a year away from him would be good. Then I met my current boyfriend while I was in England. Totally unexpected. He's very mature for his age, we have similar interest, we enjoy each other s company. He loves me with all his heart, puts me ahead of everything, tries his best to give the life I want. He's also protective, he wouldn't let anything happens to me. But not controlling. A healthy relationship in a nutshell.
But there's this secret desire inside of me I can't ignore - I want to be wanted by older men. The idea of an older man wanting me badly turns me on, that makes me feel needed and special. manipulating their feelings with my body and attention makes me feel powerful. This sounds just sad! The saddest thing is I know my boyfriend wants me more than any other men, but how come I don't get as much satisfaction as I get from older men wanting me?? I like to seduce older men, I find them sexy and attractive. What can I do to solve this??? I really don't want to lose my relationship over my obsession with older men, I love my boyfriend and we are so happy together. I did tell him I used to date men who 10~15 years older than me, he thinks they are sick for going out with a girl (me) that much younger than them. Though I don't think it's that serious. Sooooo...what can I do?? I don't want to fantasizing having sex with older men or seducing them anymore, that makes me feel guilty and terrible!

Hi, Equal_Square, and welcome to Psych Central! I was okay about your dating older men (and it will be less of a problem as you get older, because it will be more accepted.) But then I got to the part where you like to seduce older men.

I am not a professional, but I would say you are looking for what you didn't get in a dad in some ways.

The only way I know to solve it is to get some therapy.

I would try to figure out why I found this fantasy appealing. Sometimes it's not so much the situation as the way the situation makes us feel, and it can be helpful to pick out those elements. Perhaps there are aspects of it that aren't related to age that you could explore with your boyfriend.

But, yeah, having fantasies you don't want to have gets old. I find that if I stop indulging in them, I think about them less often.

I'm not sure it matters why you fantasize about older men.

The issues here would be whether it is causing you distress, or making you want to act out on this fantasy.

I'm one of the mindset that pretty much everyone has some daddy or mommy issues to one extent or the other. We can talk about what caused our challenges in life til the cows come home but at the end of the day that isn't what helps us with our problems because at least for me all it does is make me go "ok this is why I do this." That's not a solution for me. I'm not sure why people push to find out the roots of their problems and outside of very severe issues like ones causing PTSD, most issues do not need to be revisited in order to fix them. I know this is just my opinion but take it as you wish.

About the only part I can see as a problem is the fantasizing about older men making you feel special. And the part about feeling power over them could be a problem say if at one point you were in a relationship with an older man again. Thing is one should never need to feel power over another sexually or emotionally. The root of this comes from your own feelings of powerlessness in life and thats the part that you should be addressing. Find a way to satisfy this need independent of other people whether young or old and the fantasy will take on a more healthy structure. Work on your self worth, value and self esteem as an individual so you won't feel the need to rely on a man to make you feel that.

I don't know if you have daddy issues. I'm just not sure it matters.

If it is something that is causing you to be unhappy in your relationship, you should figure out either how to change your thinking and fantasizing or you need to decide to move on and find what makes you happier. Either way, outside of considering that the other person will be hurt, neither is wrong or right.

I don't think I explained what I meant about figuring out what was appealing about the fantasy well. It's hard to think of a family-friendly way to put it.

Some fantasies are attractive because they involve certain power dynamics or a sense of taboo. If OP can identify exactly what it is about the fantasy that is appealing (being a temptress may be one aspect), there may be a way that she can incorporate that into her life with her boyfriend. Sort of trade one fantasy that's slightly disturbing for one that is more mutually enjoyable.