[SilentGirl808]

I had been constantly putting myself down more than usual ever since I physically lashed out at my dad back in February. He seemed to be afraid of me then and he probably still is, at least scared to go in my room. I did that once and I automatically think I'm abusive. I might be becoming like my dad's mother. She used to physically and emotionally abused him while he was growing up. My dad never physically abused me - and I don't think he was ever emotionally abusive but I know he's not really gentle with my feelings.

Not until sometime in the beginning of May, this memory came out of nowhere that caused me distressed and confused, but I believe it to be unreal because I don't think I was doing anything that could trigger the memory and it was late at night. I could very well be sleep deprived. The mind can cause false memories, right? This false memory I had was when I was somewhere around the age of seven or younger - I'm not sure, and I was in bed and it must have been after my dad read me a bedtime story. Anyway, I visualized him touching me inappropriately. Although, I may have misinterpreted the touch. I was never exactly a touchy-feely child. I didn't like hugs much back then.

You think if I try to push myself to go join specific social activities that this memory will eventually go away? Talking about it to someone could make things worse, and besides it can't be real. Just thinking about that false memory and what I did to my dad made me feel so terrible about myself. In fact, I'm beginning to punish myself by self-harm.

[glok]

Hello, SilentGirl808. My thought is professional help may be appropriate to help you work through the issues you describe.

[Travelinglady]

SilentGirl, I also recommend that you see a therapist. Please don't hurt yourself. Okay?

[SilentGirl808]

Okay. I think I'm going to find a new therapist to work with, though. I feel as if there's something not quite right with the current one - and maybe it's just my imagination.