[hvert]

A 'friend' of mine who moved away let me know that she is going to be in town next week and asked if I would be around. At the time she asked, I had no plans, so I said yes, probably.

She's never gotten back to me with specifics. I suspect she is just using me as filler, so I'm not feeling that guilty about planning a camping trip for this weekend. She was here a few months ago and kept me waiting an hour while she had lunch with her boyfriend -- so, yeah, very little guilt.

How long do you keep your calendar free for these requests? If you suggest getting together with someone on a weekend, how long do you wait for them to accept or decline before making other plans?

[i dont matter]

Clearly your friend is being rather unfair to you.

If no specifics are laid (meeting on friday at 6pm at Joes pizza shack) - then I do not believe you are obligated to keep it open.

You can honestly reply that you did not know if the event was going to happen or not and in the meantime something else came up.

[Silent Void]

I'm almost glad I'm a recluse. I don't have this problem. I don't answer the phone unless I recognize who it is and I don't answer the door unless I'm expecting someone.

[offthegrid]

That's rude of her. You have every right to make plans if she hasn't gotten back with you specifically. If you are feeling bad then maybe ask her if there would be a time when you may be available before /after your trip for you guys to get together? But really, just be honest.

[hvert]

Yeah, with this particular situation I am just going to do what I want. I'm just never sure what to do when this happens. I don't feel like it's my job to hound people.

I guess it usually happens when I am ambivalent as well.

[A Red Panda]

It doesn't always mean filler when someone leaves things loose. Sometimes it's just that they're wanting to try and keep their time low-key and not have plans at X, Y, Z that would be stressful to achieve.

Keeping you late for over an hour is a total douchebag move. A friend of mine did that to me once... after I spent 2 hours driving to the town where she lived (I was with my parents... which was stressful as it was). She ended up giving me like an hour... whereupon my mom checked her hair for head lice (her parents and my parents have been friends since well before either of us were born). Because she made plans with her bf... whom she lived with. I completed wasted that day. We aren't really friends anymore because that was how things always were and it wasn't fair to me.

If someone asks if I'm free, and doesn't solidify plans? Then I am free to do what I want... I'll usually message and go "Hey, I've got plans at X time, so let me know when you are free".

When someone is vague like your friend was I wouldn't even give plans with her a thought. Whatever her situation is, she didn't make clear plans with you so you have no obligation whatsoever to sitting around and waiting for her.

[hvert]

Oh boy, I'd be pretty mad if I drove two hours with my parents just to be more or less stood up! That sounds similar to my last meeting with my friend -- she was late because she was hanging out with her boyfriend, showing him her old haunts. He went back to the car 'for a nap' 15 minutes after they finally turned up.

I am noticing that if I don't really want to see someone, I use the vagueness as an out. If this was someone I wanted to see, I'd have nailed down a time and place already.

[ChipperMonkey]

You ask a friend and they say "maybe", then make sure you ask to solidify plans by such and such a date. Say ok, well, we'll touch base on Wednesday about the weekend. Don't leave it open ended.

A friend asks you vaguely, then you are under NO obligation whatsoever to leave your plans open. I've been burned too many times by this. I won't block out time for someone tentatively unless it was someone really important like my sister flying in from the coast or something like that.