[tommytom]

I wasn't sure where to place my question so I write it here - hopefully it's OK.

It's probably one of many questions I will ask in order to understand my partner and perhaps, with a bit of luck, save our relationship.

Few years ago we used to live in house with other people -family and friends.

First set of people looked like this: my girlfriend, her brother, her "step-cousin" and his friend. All was fine. Then "step-cousin" met a girl and she moved in. My girlfriend was negative about her and hostile. Soon I moved in and problem disappeared. Things were OK.

Then her brother met a girlfriend and she moved in. My girlfriend gave her a very hard time - she was delighted to move out. Now, after few years they are friends but back then it was horrible.

Let me just mention that anytime we had spare room to let out she was always looking for offers from men.

I thought she matured up, we used to live alone as a couple without any other people and things were fine. Few years later we moved in to the house and rent out room to her nephew. Despite her being 12 years older they are good friends.

Her nephew met a girl. She came to stay for few nights with him and then the hell started again. It end up with my girlfriend banning that new friend of her nephew from any visits in our house. I agree that this new girl in our house was socially awkward but I was shocked with the way my girlfriend treated her.

All I know in her teenage she had none but one female friend.

For me it looks like she's very insecure and jealous. I tried to talk to her but she thinks I'm wrong.

Please help me to understand her attitude towards other women - especially those who happen to live with us.

[JeanneDoe]

I would guess insecurity and jealously as well. I could understand if it was a single woman living with you or coming over but if it is the cousins girlfriend for example and that doesn't make sense to me. I get jealous myself because I worry that the man will cheat on me. But i have always been comfortable with other guys girls around my boyfriends. When you talked to her about it what did she say? She doesn't think she is jealous, so what does she think? Maybe she just doesn't like other women? some ladies are like that.

[tommytom]

Originally Posted by JeanneDoe

I would guess insecurity and jealously as well. I could understand if it was a single woman living with you or coming over but if it is the cousins girlfriend for example and that doesn't make sense to me. I get jealous myself because I worry that the man will cheat on me. But i have always been comfortable with other guys girls around my boyfriends. When you talked to her about it what did she say? She doesn't think she is jealous, so what does she think? Maybe she just doesn't like other women? some ladies are like that.

I know it doesn't make much sense. But it has to be bigger than just her not liking other women.

I confronted her on that but she says she knows she has a problem and nothing else.

For me she behaves in similar way mothers sometimes behave when son brings his girlfriend home. But this would mean she got strange relations with her cousin and other men in her life...

[JeanneDoe]

Originally Posted by tommytom

I know it doesn't make much sense. But it has to be bigger than just her not liking other women.

I confronted her on that but she says she knows she has a problem and nothing else.

For me she behaves in similar way mothers sometimes behave when son brings his girlfriend home. But this would mean she got strange relations with her cousin and other men in her life...

I guess it is possible she is insecure by all women. Was she cheated on? Maybe she worries that all these women are a threat to your and he relationship. I hope it all works out. Maybe some counseling will help her. I know what a big stress this kind of behavior can be on a relationship, I hope it all works out.

[hvert]

Maybe she just doesn't like living with women? It really doesn't have to be any bigger than that. Some women don't care for the company of other women.

[unaluna]

If you ever plan on having children with her, i would urge her to get therapy. Otherwise she could be horrible to any daughters she has. There is something wrong here. I wouldnt let her boss you around on this, or else you will one day be explaining to little children why you and they are tiptoeing around mama's temper. My dad always told me "somebody had to keep peace in the family" - usually at my expense.

[ChipperMonkey]

Was she ever abused by a woman? Mentally, emotionally, verbally, physically or sexually? I ask because I have issues with women as well, as I was abused as a child by two different women. I am not hostile or negative toward women, but I do have my issues. It is hard for me to be friends with a woman. Actually, right now I have no female friends. I cannot be in a room of only women, or else I start having flashbacks and panic attacks.

[InTheProcess]

I would automatically think insecurities as well(being i am super self conscious and usually feel awkward around other females, even friends. Notto mention if I lived in a house with multiple people I maybe iffy as well with my boyfriend- although I feel I can trust him) anything from you falling for or having sex with one of these other women, to just not being the prettiest in the house.

I could also see her being uncomfortable if any of them were 'loose' and tried to come onto you, but I cant imagine everything single one of them being that way. However, to be straight up rude is weird. Like she is being an alpha-female.

Try discussing or asking her why she is like that, beside bringing up jealousy (which I could see being a reason) do you know she has those problems? If not maybe it really isn't the problem.

Good luck

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by hankster

If you ever plan on having children with her, i would urge her to get therapy. Otherwise she could be horrible to any daughters she has. There is something wrong here. I wouldnt let her boss you around on this, or else you will one day be explaining to little children why you and they are tiptoeing around mama's temper. My dad always told me "somebody had to keep peace in the family" - usually at my expense.

Or, if sons were involved, I'd be concerned about her treatment of potential wives...

It does sound like it needs addressing. She has no right treating any of these women with hostility and disdain, and to be forced to accept as is, unacceptable. ..


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[Trippin2.0]

She seems unhealthily territorial, because she must be thee only woman in the household, yet had no problem striking up a friendship with a former female housemate after she had moved out.

Something's amiss and I hope she makes the committment to seek help in order to identify what it is, before she causes huge longterm problems.

Her behaviour is just plain unacceptable.

[tommytom]

Thanks for great replies.

InTheProcess - she's definitely not jealous because of me. I behave very tactful - I doubt she even care enough about me to be jealous. She seems to be jealous of other males she has good relations with. I've tried to bring up topic on few occasions but with no luck.

One thing which can be added is that she's always "too nice" for almost any male person she meets or know. For her most of the guys around are handsome, cool and so on - even though many of them are not even about the average. I would say she's flirty with other men. Knowing her past it looks to me she won attention of many of them being sexually "ready" - which of course most of the men like.At the same time she didn't (at least in the past) develop friendship with females.

So perhaps she strikes to be female nr 1 around - but I wouldn't call her alpha-female - she's rather of fragile nature. It looks to me she attacks other women because of her insecurities. But of course it just my hypothesis.

I really try to understand her as a person - not only in this case - because there are several issues in our relationship which I would like to solve. So I've got this feeling that this and other "issues" are somehow interconnected.

[tommytom]

Originally Posted by ChipperMonkey

Was she ever abused by a woman? Mentally, emotionally, verbally, physically or sexually? I ask because I have issues with women as well, as I was abused as a child by two different women. I am not hostile or negative toward women, but I do have my issues. It is hard for me to be friends with a woman. Actually, right now I have no female friends. I cannot be in a room of only women, or else I start having flashbacks and panic attacks.

She wasn't abused by women in any way but she was by men. Which makes it even stranger.