[Kabuto]

I feel like most of the "big changes" that I'm making in my life were kind of thrust upon me- but none the less, how can I adapt to these?

I have a teaching job coming up in the fall, away from home. I need to take it, because I know it's the best thing I can do for myself and my future. There will be a lot of adjustments to take place- living with a lot of people, in a social environment.

I'm going to need to drop all my emotional baggage before I start this. There was a girl involved too, someone I loved more than anything, and one of the only people I truly connected with (at least on my end). But she broke my heart, and I'm going to have to really move on from not just her, but my shadowy lifestyle.

This will be a tough change. I feel like the dark, brooding, loner, artist parts of me are all going to need to disappear, if I am going to thrive in this world (well, all except artist). And yet, I will miss being a loner, I will miss being an existentialist, I feel like I ultimately want to return to my isolationist roots, but don't know how to make it last without starving. :/

[Vergil]

Sometimes making changes is good, even if they seems enormous. Although it doesn't mean you have to give everything up.
I would still carve time in my days for being a broody loner artist if i were you. You know, just try to find a nice balance.

[waiting4]

Originally Posted by Kabuto

I feel like most of the "big changes" that I'm making in my life were kind of thrust upon me- but none the less, how can I adapt to these?

I have a teaching job coming up in the fall, away from home. I need to take it, because I know it's the best thing I can do for myself and my future. There will be a lot of adjustments to take place- living with a lot of people, in a social environment.

I'm going to need to drop all my emotional baggage before I start this. There was a girl involved too, someone I loved more than anything, and one of the only people I truly connected with (at least on my end). But she broke my heart, and I'm going to have to really move on from not just her, but my shadowy lifestyle.

This will be a tough change. I feel like the dark, brooding, loner, artist parts of me are all going to need to disappear, if I am going to thrive in this world (well, all except artist). And yet, I will miss being a loner, I will miss being an existentialist, I feel like I ultimately want to return to my isolationist roots, but don't know how to make it last without starving. :/

Ahhhh Kabuto...you remind me of East Berlin. No, really, you do.

When the wall came down, not so very, very long ago, about a year later I had the opportunity to go to what was still considered East Berlin. The difference between West Berlin and East was stark....the west was a metropolis, a college town, lots of shopping, excitement...street performers etc.

The east however, looked as tho it had just finished up WW2....buildings were still falling apart, some looked freshly bombed out...everything, the streets, sidewalks, store fronts, restaurants...everything looked as it may have during the early 50's to mid 1960's. I met a couple there, a man and his gf...the man was a poet, his gf a painter. Both were lovely people and both were inclined to tell me of their mutual frustration, and angst over the wall coming down, and the intrusion of 'westerners' into their little city. I was flummoxed. "Why?" I asked, "You're going to have more freedom, than you've had--" They agreed. "You can go from east to west anytime you like--" They agreed. "You'll have access to better healthcare, better, cleaner places to live..amenities you haven't had before--" They again, agreed.

"But," the man complained, "Where is the pain?" I stared at him. He continued, "How can we write and paint of heartbreak of the soul, when the soul is let free? We need a canvass to create the expression of our pain, so the world feels us...how can we, if we are suddenly no better than the rest of the world?"

I really had no answer. It seemed a ridiculous question. Many years later, I understood why they were so abruptly lost in a time of plenty, when the time of famine was so much more familiar, and therefore understandable to them.

Do keep a bit of darkness if it makes the art easier, but remember, there is much to be created from beauty...please don't mistake that the view is less important because it does not make you weep.

Take care..