Led on by OKcupid girl and now can't see her

I finally found my answer. I creeped her instagram again and found a picture of her in some other guy's lap. Now it all makes sense, why she has stopped texting me. Now that I think about it, this all sort of happened around the time she deleted her ok cupid account. After that it was all down hill. She used to text me first all the time. Then no more, and would only reply when I texted her. Now, just flat out ignoring me. I am so pissed off right now. I realize she has every right to be with whoever she wants, and that I don't own her, but it's really messed up to lead someone on like that for so long. Seriously meeting her was the ONLY thing that got me through this past year, the ONLY thing I had to look forward to. And now I am just supposed to brush it off and move on? This has happened to me far too many times in the past, and honestly for now, I just accept being alone and will have to live with it for the meantime because I am just for frustrated with love. It always seems to be the same reason with this kinds of situations. It's ALWAYS that they found another guy. Just thinking of her being so close to me, literally a walking distance away, but with another guy is just so awful to think about. These past months when we were texting she was all the way in canada, and now I can literally WALK to her, but she is with another guy?? I seriously can't express how frustrated I am right now. I don't get it, what I I did wrong. Was I not aggressive enough? How did HE get her? I don't get how I was supposed to "seal the deal" if I hadn't even met her yet. I feel so effing stupid right now. Just thinking of someone else having sex with her while I mope around depressed about her. I seriously just want to drink myself to sleep right now.
I am just really upset right now. Like the fact that after months of waiting for this day, after all the nights in bed just dreaming of being with her, and just daydreaming every day that I would meet this really cool girl, and after dealing with this whole long distance thing of her being all the way in Canada, and now that I can literally WALK to her from my house, but can't?? Just really really upset right now and trying to cope with this. I can't help but keep stalking her instagram and see the location of all her pictures, since they are all right by my house. I just can't process this, she's right in my neighborhood and I can't even see her???

Im sorry your in such pain over this failed attempt of a relationship with her. I think its very hard for anyone using a dating site and converse with someone long distance .. You would feel an attachment to her and romantic feelings ... It happens all the time sadly enough ..

But you need to move forward now,, Yes it will be hard .. First delete her off any social media you have in common. Allow your self to grieve the loss of the relationship but keep yourself busy find a new hobby or take a class at a local college you will met new people dont isolate .. do anything healthy that helps you move forward . Things will get better and soon you will look back at this situation and be able to see things more clearly and not blame it on yourself or resign that you will always be alone .. You will find someone that you can share your life with.

Be kind to your self right now .

Im sorry you're going through this horrible ordeal-

since you mentioned that this is not the first time this has happened- perhaps you should seek out a possible pattern in your behavior- that might help prevent this from happening in the future? None of this is your fault- there will always be heartless people that lie and take advantage of kindhearted people.

I second Christina- please delete her instagram. I have a gf who had a guy use her as a "doormat" on and off for about a year. During which he probably saw her about 10x. Its been two years now since they've broken up. She checks his Facebook non stop. We will be out having drinks- and she will be on her phone checking what he is doing. And he is a piece of ***** bc he knows she's viewing his page. and flaunts himself. She is as broken as the first day the breakup happened. She never had time to heal- bc she did things to prevent this.

This girl was never a good person from the get go. Have you ever watched the MTV show Catfish? I am willing to bet that she was either NEVER in canada- or was not in Canada for as much of the time that she led you to believe. My guess is- she's been nearby this whole/or most of the time- and when she found someone- what a coincidence. She's "back."

If i am correct in this... then she started a friendship based on lies. I find nothing wrong with online dating. My current bf and I actually met thru cupid! We have been together for a year. I wish you a fast recovery thru this and know that you can only get through this if you do the things that are necessary for your heart to heal.

best regards

You need to stop obsessively viewing her photos. That will not help you, and will in fact just prolong your pain and prevent you from finding happiness elsewhere.

It really sucks that she didn't just tell you that she met someone - that would have been respectful of her. But as she didn't, that's enough to show you that she really isn't that great of a person.

You deserve better, and you didn't do anything wrong. She just met someone else. Although emotions were involved and you care a lot, you weren't in a relationship with her. It's unfortunately just something that can happen, especially when you only know someone online.

What exactly is an OKcupid girl? Maybe I am just behind with the times but I don't know what an instigram is either and your whole post has confused the crap out of me.

Okcupid is a dating site...and I believe it's free. Instigram is a social messaging site.

Yes Okcupid is a dating site, and instagram is a photosharing site. And I have seen catfish and I am positive she is real. All her photos add up, and she legitimately came from canada to the US just a couple days ago. As for how I am feeling, well... still awful. I can't help but keep going to her instagram, and seeing all the places she is, the very places I always am, the places where all these months I was, waiting for the day I'd meet her. And now she's here... Honestly I don't know how to fix the instagram stalking problem, since I don't know how to "delete" her instagram, since it can just be searched. I don't know how to describe this feeling. I just feel so angry. It's not even so much about her being with another person. It's just that after texting me all these months, and now that she can come see me... she doesn't want to?? So I never meant anything to her? Imagine a very good friend who lives on the opposite side of the country, and you find out that they were in your neighborhood, and never even called to say they were. Wouldn't you be a bit pissed off??

I really feel like sending her a text saying how I feel. I know this isn't conducive to "moving on", but I just feel like I have to. I don't think it's fair that I have to deal with these emotions and her just think it's ok to just drop me like that, like I wouldn't even care or notice. If she doesn't want to see me fine, but I'd like to let her no that it really upset me that she just stopped talking to and doesn't even care to ever see me, after months of both talking about how much we were looking forward to seeing each other.

I'm just going to text her saying if I said anything wrong, and that I was really looking forward to showing her around town. And that it really wasn't cool to lead me on like that, and for that long, and how hurt I am. If she can't even respond to that, then I will see how lame of a person she actually is and not feel bad about completely erasing her from my memory.

Also thank you all so much for the advice and support in this difficult time.

Hi Rolan- I'm sorry if I came across as insinuating that she wasn't a real person due to my catfish remark. I do indeed believe she is a real person. I just didn't think that she was in Canada as long or as much as she claimed. But if you say so- I believe you. Bc who am I- a complete stranger who doesn't know her - to tell u ur wrong.

There is nothing wrong with contacting her to ask those questions. Bc if she explains why she didn't want to see you- that would be the closure you're looking for- instead of feeling confused and upset. I too would be confused as well if i was going through what you are (I just wouldn't say anything bc I'm a very stubborn person- so I lack your courage).

Best regards- keep us posted!

Don't worry about it, I know that catfishing really does happen to a lot of people. I'm pretty good at knowing the signs though. I do want answers so I am going to text her, but maybe in a couple days or so. Let her know that I will only be here for another week. Honestly if I end up leaving (I'm moving back to college in a couple weeks) before she ever replies or anything, and then she says she wants to stay friends, I think I will just decline. This was just too emotionally exhausting, and I have dealt too many times in the past with liking someone who was in a relationship, and trying to be friends. It doesn't work. It's not healthy. So I will respectfully tell her I would like to end the friendship right there. As far as being friends, what she is doing now is pretty darn low, like reason for ending a friendship right there. I just saw a picture of her at a Target where I sometimes go with my mom. It's just weird seeing the picture, because some weeks ago or something when I was there, probably in that same spot, I was looking at my phone texting her or checking her instagram just thinking about her getting here, and now she is in that same spot. It's just weird, I can't articulate the feeling well enough. But it does really really upset me that I wasn't the one to show her around town. I am still very angry about that. But I would like the closure so I will text her for sure. I will send one warning text (just saying basically that I'm only here for another week), and if nothing to that, straight up tell her what I'm feeling and erase her from my memory. I have an addictive personality, so simple things like getting over someone and moving on are incredibly difficult for me. With the last girl who dropped me and became distant, it took me a good 2 years to get over. I just hope I can forget this girl soon.

I pray that you will not waste two years of your life upset over this girl. Can you try to work on that? It would be such a shame bc the right woman might pass you by while you're wrapped up in your grief. Take care, and best regards.

I will surely try my best. And well... I guess I have my official answer. The inevitable kiss picture. Done. Confirmed. This puts and end to all my "it's just her housemate", "it's just a close friend" hopes. Nope. She officially forgot about me for another guy. I want to puke right now. Just thinking of how much emotion and affection I invested in this girl. She was my everything for this whole semester, all I would think about. And now it's all gone. I wasted all that energy. It was all just a lie. I feel so stupid and foolish. If only she knew how much pain a simple instagram picture would cause someone else...

Create an instagram account- and only view instagram thru your account. Then, block her from your account. You will only lose from this.

This is a girl who does not care about you- she has no idea that you're here, so upset. And even if she knew- it might even confuse her- bc you guys have never met.

she should've texted you and gave you closure instead of dropping off the face of the earth. But she didnt- because she is an inconsiderate person.

But with all that being said- i say the following respectfully- bc obviously you're here to get help and support:

I advise that you look onto yourself- and speak with a therapist- or in the very least- try to address and find the root of this issue: The fact that you get so emotionally involved and attached- is not in the norm. Scratch that- who knows what normal means anyways right? let me say- the fact that you exhibit and respond like this- is NOT emotionally HEALTHY. you need to work on tools that help you cope- as well as ones that help you prevent getting so attached so quickly.

To make matters worse- this is someone you have not gotten the opportunity to meet in person....

Can you tell me about the other situations in which this happened to you as well?

If you are offended by anything i say- i emphasize that its hard to get well meaning things- across when in written- and from one stranger to another. I just hope to be one of the many ears/eyes of support on this forum.

Best Regards

No I was not offended at all by what you said, you give good advice and I appreciate and agree with all of it. I know you mean well. I am really trying so hard to distance myself from her, but that is so hard, because geographically she is so close to me now. Like just seeing a picture she took today, she was at the SAME spot I was at at the SAME time. It's one thing if she was still in Canada, but right here?? That just makes the situation that much worse.

And to describe my whole problem with attachment, well, I am a pretty miserable person. I hate to be that blunt, but it's just how I feel. I can't remember the last time I was legitimately happy. I have no motivation to do anything, I have social anxiety, and I just overall feel depressed with my life. I sort of just cling to girls as a way to try and make me feel happy and loved. I know the whole "only you can solve your problems" talk, I really do, I have heard it, and I recognize I am the only one who can solve my problems. But that does not change the fact that I still crave affection. And that is why I cling so tightly to women I become infatuated with. Also, I have never in my life had a girlfriend. Every single attempt I have made to pursue someone has ended in pain and disappointment, so I really do not know what it is like to feel that way about someone, and have them feel the same way back about you (in person at least). I am just craving that feeling. It doesn't help that I am already 22. I also spent a lot of time obsessed with one of my past professors. It never went anywhere and left me feeling less of myself and depressed. I have never had a positive experience with love. I know the whole just let it happen and live your life, it will happen naturally talk. I have been doing that for many years. And then I tried online dating, and it led to nothing but misery here. I think with this girl right here, more than any actual love or affection, I am just feeling anger. Anger at her for not letting me know she is here, and anger at myself for being so stupid as to open myself up so much to someone who was only going to betray me.

I turn to fitness as a solution of advice for many people that seem to doubt themselves. If the idea of that turns you off- please take a moment to consider it.

Our body is our temple. we have only one life. and one body in which to live it. Don't we deserve to make our body the best and most beautiful vehicle possible? And also- as we age- our ability to retain fat increases, as our metabolism decreases. So learning to eat healthy, if it isn't already be enforced- needs to start- so that slowly- year after year- you develop better and better habits- so that in our old age- we are not craving putting junk in our bodies. There is not a single person i know- who is in shape (actually healthy- work out, and eat good)- who has a low self esteem.

Forget your guidos, meatheads- and gym pricks who are full of themselves bc they think that just bc they have the body- they don't need to have manners nor a brain. I'm talking about truly happy people who have learned to eat well and developed a routine to be fit.

How about starting something like P90x? I have a gf who was overweight- and a newbie at the gym. in three months- she was unrecognizable. you do not need to do something so extreme. bc extreme never lasts. Slow and steady is what always wins the race. you need to clear your mind and raise your self esteem.

talk to a therapist. I believe in the power of therapy. but you must also collaborate- and do things that are proactive. When one has confidence that their body is fit.... and has good healthy greens coursing their their blood- you have no idea how much confidence it gives you.

Right now- you need to stay away from women. you are YOUNG. Yes i know- most people you know have already had a serious gf. BUT- you're like that woman- who just exited a relationship- and is in her mid 30s- she could've found another relationship easily- BUT since a woman's biological clock (to have kids) really starts to show the beginning of the end in their mid 30s (not to mention the increased risk for genetic disorders) - every single guy she meets- she scares away- bc they can almost sense her need for them to complete something big in her life. And it in effect, makes her very clingy and needy. And that will scare away anyone.

You are so freaked out and in a rush to have a relationship- that you are scaring the women that you do meet. You turn almost obsessive- and that will put too much pressure on said woman- so- sorry- you can't date right now. bc even if you did, and started successfully seeing someone- it will not last bc you will make them the complete center of your world- and your everything.

you need to do healthy things to improve your mind and body- enough so that you become confident enough to know that having a woman is not what everything is about in life- and when you do, you'll be able to easily find but more importantly- keep that woman around.

When you spoke to the girl on okcupid- besides talking to her about herself, how often would you talk about your self and your problems. If so, how often did you tell her how important she was to you and how much you depended on her, how much you needed her. how often did you tell her she was your everything? Most women do not want to hear that. Thats something you tell a woman, after MUTUAL love has been established. and even then, its not said in excess.

i'm not saying you said that- i'm trying to break down how your conversations go- that we can establish what might upset a woman, and what might be okay- you're welcome to message me on here in private if you feel more comfortable talking about this elsewhere.

best regards

Okay. Thanks for clearing that up for me rolan86 and Waiting4. I have heard of some dating sites on TV but I never heard of that one and the way you were describing her as an ‘OK Cupid Girl’ I thought she might have been some kind of kinky Mrs Claus or something along those lines.

Here is your problem. You are 22 years old and you are wasting your time falling in love with women you have never even met face to face on dating sites. Get off your computer and go out in to the real world and meet some real women for a change. There are millions of them out there looking for love just like you and if you keep moping over this girl the chances are the right woman might pass you by like Iceberg28 said. I don’t know how online dating works but from the stories I have heard about it I would not be caught dead on one if I was single because this woman might be real but the next one you talk to could be some 64 year old guy from a country like Zimbabwe posing as a woman to try to scam you out of money and you are just the type of person they would be looking for. There are too many weirdos on the internet and I would question why somebody would even use a dating site as opposed to going out and meeting people unless they were desperate.

Hey bobbydavis, great advice- but times have changed . I'm a single mom. A financial analyst. With no time to go out seeking men. Most of my friends are married or live out of state.

I did do the online dating thing. And I mandate a video chat (nothing kinky haha)- strictly to make sure it's not a 64 yr old man from Zimbabwe ;P.

I am 28. Under 100lbs w. a well proportioned synthetically inflated chest (hehe). I am attractive but i'd like to say that my personality is far better and funner than my looks.

But I agree with you. Online dating is not conducive for Rolan. It would further enable him to hide at home rather than get out there in the world and work on making himself a happier person. However I do not feel that he is ready to date. That's just IMHO though.

Oops. And I forgot to mention. I found my current bf of one year on okcupid actually. He's the second guy I had ever met online. And second guy (in terms of online dating) that I gave my phone number to. And I did go to local police hq and run a background check bc I have heard horror stories. And a girl like me can be easy jail bait. Clean record. Nothing amended. Just had a speeding ticket he never fixed. But just paid the fine for. Question: who doesn't hire an attorney to fix a speeding ticket?!!!

I'd say its time for you to work on yourself. No woman wants to be with a miserable man. Ugh, its hard enough to keep ourselves afloat, but then having to deal with someone else who is just miserable all the time? Well, its not really all that much fun.

I'm not sure why so many guys hit their early 20's and act like they're over the hill. I have seen it over and over and over again. You're young, so go out and live!

Similar thing happened to me with someone from okcupid. It sucks, yeah. But you need to let it go.

I agree. Dude, just let it slide. move on man, This is unhealthy. Myself and probably everyone on this post has been in your shoes. It does get better with time. I know It's the same old stuff you don't want to hear. But its good advice. I wish you well

I suppose 22 is still young, yet it surely does not feel young when everyone you know who is younger than you has already been in relationships. It also doesn't help that I am still a virgin. No matter how many times I hear how normal it is, or that there is nothing wrong with it, I still feel insecure about it. And regarding the whole "just go out and live your life" talk, well. I don't really know what that means. What constitutes "living". I was in college for the past four years. I went out, I made friends, I went to parties, I went to club events, I tried very hard to be social. Was that living? A lot of it sure didn't feel like it. I had many shallow, superficial conversations, and overall wasted a ton of time trying to make friends with the wrong people. Is that what going out and living means? To this I say, go out where? The bars? I've been. A party? I've been. A lot of these outings only led me to develop social anxiety. I know it's not good to live online like I do, but I don't see all that much joy in going out. If it's with good friends of course, but to just drop everything right now and go out and live, well I just don't know what that means. I apologize if I sound harsh hear, but I have tried doing this for many years, and still don't have an answer to it. How all of college passed me without ever having a relationship I don't know. I feel like an utter failure for it. And while I can tell myself things like, well, I was busy. I was focused on my grades. I didn't meet anyone, I still feel bad. I went through college, supposedly the best time of your life, and never had a relationship.

As for this Okcupid girl, I think I can get over her in time. I just have to get over my anger. I feel more anger for her than sadness and emotion. I could go on and on about how I am shocked and angry that she has no desire to let me know she's in town, but I have already gone off on that enough. I just need to channel my anger into something productive.

What I also don't get is why people tell me I shouldn't be dating right now. Yes, I know I have some issues with attachment, but at what point will I be ready, when I am comfortable being alone? What about sexual urges? Would I just shut off my libido? I really don't understand how I will get over my desire to snuggle up next to someone. I really don't.

Hi Rolan, how are you holding up? I hope you're doing well or at least better.

Hey, I am not familiar with your situation, but your situation reminds me of a friend of mine. He started to get nervous as he got older because he had not had any luck dating - and each year he got older, the worries got worse, until it became a very big problem for him to overcome.

He got counseling specifically for that issue and it really worked out well for him. He learned a lot of practical things. I am not sure if you are already doing that, but if you aren't, maybe it is worth a try. He was much older than you, in his late 30s.

I am with you on the 'living' thing. I went out all the time for a few years, feeling like I had missed out on the good times I should have had during college because I was too success oriented. I had fun going out, but in the end it all seemed sort of shallow. Now that I have stopped going out for five years, I want to go out again, though