When Plans Change... Is it Weird to Say No to Alternative Plans?

hvert · Aug 07, 2014 at 01:54 PM

I oversee a garden at an outdoor tourist attraction. Occasionally I invite other people to come with me. They get free admission, I get some extra help, and the organization may get some new volunteers or customers in the future.

If it rains, I have to reschedule. I am not sure how to handle it when the people I invite suggest alternative activities in the case of rain. I would prefer to simply not get together at all and to see the person on the day we reschedule. These are usually acquaintances I've met through a gardening program, not close friends.

I sometimes feel awkward about declining their suggestion that we meet for breakfast or coffee instead. Does that look really weird? It's not like I can say that I already have plans.

Little Lulu · Aug 07, 2014 at 02:39 PM

It seems fine to me to say something like 'thank you, but I am going to use the time to run some errands I have been putting off' and then let it go. After all, they chose to help and wouldn't have signed on if they were not interested in the job.

unaluna · Aug 07, 2014 at 03:11 PM

Do you tell them ahead of time ie when you first set a date, that if it rains, you'll have to give them a raincheck?

That i think makes it more clear that its like "take your kid to work day", and the invitation applies only if youre working. Otherwise you have other work to do, its not playtime just cuz its raining - cuz thats how you roll.

hvert · Aug 07, 2014 at 03:49 PM

Thank you both! I sometimes wonder if I am the only person who gets tangled up in stuff like this

I do tell them ahead of time that we'll have to reschedule if it rains (liked your pun, there

), so it's not a surprise. I may take a break from bringing people along after this one. It just gets too complicated and turns my favorite volunteer gig into an ordeal. In hindsight, I have been using this as a sort of counter-invite for some of the people I've met who keep inviting me to things I have no interest in. No wonder I dread going with them

unaluna · Aug 07, 2014 at 07:43 PM

I think this thread helped me be more honest with a friend of mine today. I cancelled on her yesterday for our plans today and she texted me a little while ago asking how i was feeling. It upset me. So i told her that - that it felt like after the recent contact with my family, i felt like i was on code orange, and her asking me how i was feeling upset me. Anyway it turned out good. And yeah i could not resist the raincheck!!

Trippin2.0 · Aug 08, 2014 at 01:33 AM

Seems like your aquaintances enjoy spending time with you and agree to volunteer at the garden in order to do so. That's why they suggest alternate plans when it rains...

Maybe these people consider you more than an aquaintance or are trying to develop friendships with you.

I'm sure they'll get the message that you're not interested in friendship if you keep declining. Hopefully they don't feel slighted and won't stop visiting your garden because of it.

hvert · Aug 08, 2014 at 05:25 AM

Trippin, yes, this happens with acquaintances who are interested in more of a friendship than I am. I am really struggling with this issue lately. I have met a lot of people I like to do things with and see occasionally, but I don't want to develop friendships with all of them. I feel guilty saying no.

Hankster, I'm glad you cleared the air with your friend. It's not raining here, so looks like I'm heading out to weed

hvert · Aug 08, 2014 at 10:20 AM

Wow! I don't think I will waste my time worrying that I will hurt someone's feelings if I tell them I don't want to have breakfast!

Long story short, the person I was meeting overslept. Fine, accidents happen. Suggesting I wait in a parking lot for another half hour was an irritating move and not possible since all garden work has to be done before the place opens. Going over to my house uninvited and leaving something to make up for it --- not cool! I never gave this woman my address!

aventurapsych · Aug 08, 2014 at 11:09 AM

it's not weird at all. you shouldn't do something that you feel uncomfortable doing

Menu

My Support Forums - Mental Health Support Groups

Get emotional support and friendship from others like you!

When Plans Change... Is it Weird to Say No to Alternative Plans?

My Support Forums

Little Lulu Grand Poohbah Member Since Mar 2013 Location: Eastern US Posts: 1,761 11 462 hugs given	Aug 07, 2014 at 02:39 PM #2 It seems fine to me to say something like 'thank you, but I am going to use the time to run some errands I have been putting off' and then let it go. After all, they chose to help and wouldn't have signed on if they were not interested in the job.
	Reply With Quote

unaluna Elder Harridan x-hankster Member Since Jun 2011 Location: Milan/Michigan Posts: 40,128 (SuperPoster!) 13 67k hugs given	Aug 07, 2014 at 03:11 PM #3 Do you tell them ahead of time ie when you first set a date, that if it rains, you'll have to give them a raincheck? That i think makes it more clear that its like "take your kid to work day", and the invitation applies only if youre working. Otherwise you have other work to do, its not playtime just cuz its raining - cuz thats how you roll.
	Reply With Quote

aventurapsych Junior Member Member Since Aug 2014 Location: Aventura Posts: 13 9	Aug 08, 2014 at 11:09 AM #9 it's not weird at all. you shouldn't do something that you feel uncomfortable doing __________________ There is Always Hope
	Reply With Quote