withdrawn

It's been another of those kind of days, bringing me to the point of accepting that this is life for me. I have PTSD, anxiety, and depression. My husband just said to me (in the aftermath of yet again another argument) that he has noticed I have become more "withdrawn". Sure, he is right about that. Heck, right now I am sitting on a stack of shingles in a dilapidated shed drinking Luke warm coffee. This is my hiding place for the day I guess. I got triggered this morning and got off the couch to get my coffee. He got agitated and it turned into an argument. He doesn't know how to handle my issues but acts like and says things like I can control it?? I tried to do the right thing and tried to let it go..but the quiet tension ended up making the mind movies and voices worse. Then comes the flood of feelings of hating myself...seeing every wrong I have done in my life and feeling like I deserve my misery...everyone leaves me..no one likes me...maybe I should wake up and realize that I am not loveable. He said a bit ago that he was done trying..and I get one apology and that's it. That statement alone is hard to understand. I know much of this probably doesn't make sense...it makes no sense to me as well. I used to be different in a good way...I guess I shouldn't blame him??