[youdunsay]

I'm twenty six, Asian girl. I wish to work in overseas in a few years time because I don't see myself getting married and setting up a typical Asian family. Worst, my parents wish to caged me in this lonely nation. Well I understand the part on filial piety but they don't understand what I really want to do in life. They are fabulous in talking me out on how well Asia is doing, how I should respect them, etc. They can talk through just to make me feel guilty and cry. I am grateful for them to keep me in while I am jobless but somehow deep down in my heart, I kind of resent them. It feels as though I am their tool for retirement and loneliness whereas my brother, a guy, is free to do as he wishes.

[Travelinglady]

Hello, youdunsay, and welcome to Psych Central! You are not the only Asian person we have had here who feels trapped by the conventions/beliefs of your culture.

First of all, can you afford to go live in another country? Find a job before you go to such a place? I am sad to think you would be miserable the rest of your life.

My parents wanted me not to marry, so I could look after them, too. (Unusual for Americans.) But I knew I wanted to leave home, marry, have a family--and I have done all that.

Could you face the possibility that they might disown you if you leave? I hope not, but it might happen......Or at least they will be unkind to you and see you as a "bad daughter."

[dedicated]

I understand your situation because I am Asian too. It's a tradition I suppose, that Asian parents are over protective to daughters and have more trust to their sons to go independently than their daughters. It's high time for you to discuss your goals and preferences in life. Express in thoughts and in deeds that you are trustworthy to be independent enough but not totally taking them out from your life. You will someday need their support. When you are in your independent journey, frequently update them on how you are doing to eliminate their fears. Make them proud of you. Wish you the best young lady.

[sugibabie]

Don't be trapped find what makes you happy