Feeling extremely low after breakup

So a few weeks ago, my girlfriend of 18 months broke up with me over text message. We were each other's world, each other's best friends and we did so much together (she was here for the beginning of my gender reassignment - female to male, travelling places, helping each other get jobs and planned to move out next year). The relationship had a lot of arguments and to be completely honest; I got emotionally abusive towards the end because I was having difficulty dealing with a lot of what was going on in my life, though throughout all of it she was incredibly patient and strong but I guess it got too much for her. I was aware of the way I was acting and was doing everything in my ability to change (offering breaks, therapy for myself etc) but I guess it was too late, don't get me wrong though I loved and still love her very very much.

I didn't handle the breakup well and I tried to call and text to make a compromise, but some of her friends basically told her to cut contact with me. Within a day, she went from being in love with me, to hating me.

Fast forward to now; she's moved on (seems to have moved on, sleeping with someone new nf planning to move out with someone else) and I'm still here; I've lost 5 kilograms (down to 56kg), can't get out of bed to go to university and having hourly thoughts of suicide and regret for the way it ended.

I've lost not only my best friend, but all of the friends I made a long the way through her. My family tell me to get over it and that it isn't worth being sad over, but I cannot stop thinking about it even though I'm trying so hard to be strong. I don't want to make my family sad by killing myself, but at the same time I just want to be gone and let this pain go away once and for all.

They say time heals all wounds, not exactly true, I still cry over a girl from 30 years ago, but time does dull the pain, and allow you to move forward. Each of us grieves differently, don't let others try to put a time line on your grief over your loss.

You can obsess over a mistake, or you can work on bettering yourself and having a better relationship in the future. You've got a whole life ahead of you to experience all sorts. You will make mistakes, loads of them, but you'll learn, and you'll improve as a result. We all make mistakes, but only some of us actually learn from them.

{ Kein Teufel }
Translation: Not a devil
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