[hvert]

I am not really looking for advice on this one, but I wonder how common it is.

I have a friend that I see maybe 4-6 times a year. We used to work together and see each other more often, but we've both left that company. We communicate fairly regularly via text, phone, and Facebook.

She frequently posts status updates referring to big life changes, like "I'm moving, who wants to help?"

I know that she has wanted to move for a long time, so I contact her to find out where she's going -- she's not going anywhere! She still hasn't found a place.

That's just one example, but she does this quite a bit - posting status updates about some big change that prompt me (and probably a lot of other people) to send a message. I guess she wants the attention, but I'm starting to recognize the pattern of getting suckered in. I have another friend who does this, so I'm thinking it must be a phenomena.

Anyone else have friends like this?

[jimmy rich]

Originally Posted by hvert

Anyone else have friends like this?

LOL, not me. I dumped friends like that long ago after doing some Self Esteem work.
jim

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Yeah, that's a bit strange. No idea why they do it. Oh well. What might seem one way to us, can seem another to someone else. Or perhaps she had the intention to move, then something occurred to change it.

[healingme4me]

I know someone who does that. Ditching them isn't an ideal option, not for lacking self esteem, but because family thing. I know they want to, just when it comes down to it, they have some reason or another. I really do hope they can fulfill that wish.

[hvert]

This has nothing to do with my self-esteem and I'm not interested in dumping anyone over it. It's just a sort of odd or curious behavior I've noticed in a couple of people. We all have our quirks - this is just one that strikes me as odd.

I do think that part of it is wishful thinking -- that if she says that she is moving, she thinks it will happen sooner. She's on a 6-12 month waiting list for a new apartment, so asking for moving help seems pretty premature at this point. I think the 'real' update was that she has finally chosen a new building.

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Oh, so she is moving, then.... just not immediately; she didn't specify.

[hvert]

She posted a status update saying 'last chance, who is going to help me move' with one of those stripbit pictures of her moving a bunch of boxes. A bunch of people responded by expressing surprise that she was moving and asking where/when.

I asked her offline and she told me that she is on a waiting list to move to a different town 6-12 months from now. She hasn't signed a lease, she hasn't given up her current place -- and she definitely doesn't need any help moving boxes. Knowing her, I'd say there is about a 30% chance the move will happen at all -- but she posts about it like it's happening this weekend.

[SnakeCharmer]

I have a friend who does that regularly about jobs. They're employed but looking for a better position in a different part of the country. Every few months they say, "I have a new job and I'll be moving soon."

Actually, what they mean is they've applied for a new job and they're feeling totally optimistic, but so far no new jobs have panned out. This has been going on for three years.

I used to be Johnny-On-The-Spot with support and help, but now I wait and see so I'm not wasting any time or effort. By now, I consider it to be like The Little Boy Who Cried Wolf.

Unless you actually show up at your friend's place in work clothes, with boxes and a pick-up truck, you really haven't been suckered in. With my friend, I figure the embarrassment of having to tell people eventually that the job didn't pan out can't be fun for them so I don't say anything about their announcements, except, "What's the news?" That's it. Then I find out it's an application, not a job offer.

Maybe your friend is like mine -- overly optimistic and wanting to share some sort of exciting news that would mean they're reaching a life goal. I don't know. I'd feel embarrassed. I figure it's their problem, not mine, now that I'm not getting sucked into it any longer.

[hvert]

Yes! That is exactly what my friend does! Her announcements about major life changes are usually wishes about the future rather than something that's happening now.

And, yeah, the only way I am getting suckered is by believing something important has happened and asking her about it. There's no actual harm done.

My friend doesn't seem bothered at all when she makes announcements about things that wind up not happening. I do ask for followups when I see her - if <<new boyfriend/new job/new place>> didn't come to pass, she just says it pretty matter of factly.

Now that I think about it, it's only Facebook that she makes these overly optimistic statements. Talking to her in person or on the phone, she is just as direct as could be.

[Nina Simone]

Is it possible she just wants the attention? I have certain FB friends who post for attention. They want you to ask what's going on and/or call to see what's going on with them. I agree with the other posters its best not to feed into it. I usually just "Like" a status/post and keep it moving. A lot of people are losing their ability to really interact with others. Instead of phoning a friend and making plans they go to social media for attention and validation.

[~Christina]

Facebook is a perfect breeding ground for attention seeking

I see it often and just scroll right past it without a second thought.

[hvert]

Yes, you both nailed it - it's attention seeking. I think what bothered me about it is that her Facebook persona is so different from the real life person I know!

[ChipperMonkey]

Facebook is a drama machine. I do NOTHING and would get sucked into drama caused by other people. My mom doesn't even have an account and even she gets sucked into facebook drama! It truly is insane.

You say that no harm was done. I'm glad that you have no issues with people wasting your time. Time is the one equalizer on this planet. We all have the same amount in a day, and my time is extremely valuable to me. If someone I knew was wasting my time like that, I'd find it to be extremely disrespectful and that person would be gone. I don't ask for a lot in life, but I do expect FRIENDS to not waste my time. She needs to grow up and start living life offline. If she is begging for attention on social media, it means she needs to disconnect from the virtual world and reconnect in the real world.

[hvert]

If I was that worried about wasting time, I wouldn't be posting about her status updates here