I do. My therapist said it to me recently and I didn't know what to say. I felt embarrassed, and unable to agree without some reservations. Yes, maybe? I don't know.

I hate hate hate when people tell me my parents love me.

All I want to do is scream at them.

If my parents loved me they did a really crappy job of showing it.

For me it has always been mind boggling to apply that concept to them...no matter who tells this to me.

[ChipperMonkey]

YES.

Do you know how there are 5 love languages? One of them is verbally being told "I love you" or some other term of endearment, ie I like you, I care about you, you're beautiful, etc. My mom never told me that she loved me as a kid, and now as an adult she uses it as a manipulation tool. I'd go so far as to say that being told "I love you" is a trigger for me because I want to scream, throw the phone across the room, etc. It makes me sick to hear these things. So no, I don't think my mom loves me so much as wants to control me. It makes me sick just to write this.

My concept of love is so messed up because of her that I can't accept words of kindness from any guy I'm involved with. I try *so* hard to fight it, but I can't always... How messed up is it that I can't even hear "I love you" without being triggered? She is proof that "love" isn't about love (to her), its about manipulation and control.

Words are cheap; show me that you care through your actions.

[lilypup]

My mom was a living you know what.
I try to let my kids know I love them. I say it every day several times a day. I apologize when they are upset or I am wrong. I make them good things to eat. I help them emotionally and physically with their problems. Yet the other day my daughter (in anger) said "you don't even love me". It's hard to be a parent.

Originally Posted by ChipperMonkey

YES.

Do you know how there are 5 love languages? One of them is verbally being told "I love you" or some other term of endearment, ie I like you, I care about you, you're beautiful, etc. My mom never told me that she loved me as a kid, and now as an adult she uses it as a manipulation tool. I'd go so far as to say that being told "I love you" is a trigger for me because I want to scream, throw the phone across the room, etc. It makes me sick to hear these things. So no, I don't think my mom loves me so much as wants to control me. It makes me sick just to write this.

My concept of love is so messed up because of her that I can't accept words of kindness from any guy I'm involved with. I try *so* hard to fight it, but I can't always... How messed up is it that I can't even hear "I love you" without being triggered? She is proof that "love" isn't about love (to her), its about manipulation and control.

Words are cheap; show me that you care through your actions.

This is exactly why it's so irritating when someone says "But that's your mom, she loves you..." or say the same of my dad... I don't even bother wasting my energy on explaining myself at that point...

[IrisBloom]

I used to feel that way. When someone would say my parents loved me, it meant nothing to me. I wasn't hostile or angry, just had no concept that parents were supposed to love their kids. As I aged, I realized they both did love me in their own way. It wasn't what I needed, but it was all they could do.

[scorpiosis37]

My dad loves me. His wife, the woman who gave birth to me, absolutely does not. She said she doesn't, my dad agrees she doesn't, and my T agrees she doesn't. She has never played any role in my life, except that she maintains a relationship with my dad. When ignorant people say silly things like "of course she does, she's your mom!" It gets on my absolute last nerve. They do not understand the situation. My T agrees that people who don't know my situation need to stop saying dumb things like that because it only makes it harder for me to heal from the void I had from growing up without a mom. (Someone giving birth to you does not make them a "mom").