[MindfulSerenity]

This will be my first post on this website and not to be my last, I enjoy helping people and I find other peoples problems very intriguing to learn about. But to open myself to this forum I want to open up about my own recent problem I'm having. If you extend the courtesy to read everything I'm going to write, I really appreciate it, it means alot to me to see strangers on the internet showing that compassion and empathy towards a new member. After countless looking at websites of if I should take back my ex and looking at the most generically emotionally supporting information, I want some real advice from people who can understand where I'm coming from.

Before I write this whole thing, I'll supply information generally about me and her.

Me: shortText (dot )com/551d8cca
Ivy: shorttext ( dot ) com/551de773
So during this story I'm going to refer to myself as Eli, keep in mind that we are both high school students, yet I consider us to be alot more emotionally progressed then most of our peers at school but I could be grossly overestimating myself, or it could be my ego talking when I say this.

Ivy and I met through my ex-girlfriend; we became best friends for a good 7 months. In this time she had told me she liked me but I assumed she was joking and after later verification she told me she was, at this time I had a girlfriend so it was all morally unacceptable. We were the best of friends, we would tell each other everything and even though at the time I was trying to go down a path that dramatically effected our friendship, Ivy persisted to be there for me over and over again. During her problems I was there for her as well, it all came down to this one point, on my birthday we were talking about my relationship and how I was sick of it, how this person made me feel miserable and unhappy, this entire night she had hinted at liking me but oblivious me took no notice of it. 2 days after this she approached me, asked me if I would sit down and told me that if she was to cry, I was to hug her, little did I know she was about to hand me the love letter which had started a new mental complex for me, a new way of adapting and feeling emotion. I was in love with this girl, childish at such a young age but I loved this girl with all my heart.

As time went on we went through bumps through our relationship but we always go through it. One of the key problems was that I wasn’t attending school and this drove her move towards her bestfriend, as she was obviously spending more time with him then me and they got closer and closer everyday. As for myself, I was paralysed by anxiety to even leave my apartment. The one problem I had with Ivy is that she was extremely self-endulged, her problems always seemed to matter more than mine and whenever I had a problem, it was taken as an attack, no matter how many different ways I approached it and it always started fights. I eventually shriveled into my shell and kept my problems to myself as unhealthy was this was, everything continued on like normal, I would see her every weekend, we’d hug and sleep together. Eventually this all slowed down, I had become best friends with somebody she hated (at the time I was unaware of this hatred) and I seeked out of my bestfriend what Ivy had never given me, which was emotional support and this had made Ivy furious to see me seeking that from someone else. I tried bringing up that she doesn’t do that but she would always shut me down and push me away.

It got to a point where I made a big mistake (At this time I haven’t mentioned any of Ivy’s mistakes but that’s because emotionally, I forgive really easy, I let things go and they don’t affect me as much as they would Ivy), Ivy had made a lot of mistakes and I very few, but I had made one that drastically changed the shape of our relationship forever. I had sent a photo of myself naked to this bestfriend, it wasn’t for the intend of being sexual, it was comedic and I was completely flaccid if that gives me any points towards being ethical /sarcasm. From this point on our relationship went down hill and I tried to keep it together. Ivy had become more and more aggressive than she ever had been, hitting and being quite abusive etc and I had become more of a turtle that crawled into his shell whenever she got like this (This behavior had been there before Caity but never as bad).

Towards the very end of our breakup Ivy was at a point where everything was my fault, even things before my best friend was part of our lives, she blamed me for everything. If she had betrayed my trust (Which happened quite often), she would disregard it and tell me it was my fault and eventually we broke up. Now, this entire story has been all the negatives of the relationship I had, there were a lot of positives, they eventually became outwayed by the negatives. She was my first for a lot of things, I still loved her so dearly but things right now are just so complicated, she switches between loving me and hating me, she becomes very hostile randomly at times. But with all this said, if I was to ask if getting back together with her was a good idea, the answer would be no, but I find that to be bias since I myself never stated any of the positives of our relationship, well barely any, but my question is, if we were to get back together, could this change? Could the past be whipped away? And is there a chance that she will ever change?

[Travelinglady]

Hello, MindfulSerenity, and welcome to Psych Central! I see some red flags in this relationship. She does not seem emotionally healthy to me, and she is obviously not good for you. I think it would be best if you move on. I don't think she could change any without lots and lots of therapy, and she is unlikely to agree to that. I think you would find therapy useful, too, to deal with your withdrawing into your shell and letting someone mistreat you so much.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by MindfulSerenity

Before I write this whole thing, I'll supply information generally about me and her.

Me: shortText (dot )com/551d8cca
Ivy: shorttext ( dot ) com/551de773

what does that mean?

[healingme4me]

The hurts that have been made, won't probably disappear. The mentioned outbursts read as though accepting new best friends in lieu of girlfriend being best friend could have triggered her angsty turmoil.
Sounds complicated. Not sure why you'd want a relationship that was more negative than positive.