[Nicks_Nose]

I am finally dating a very nice man. After 9 years of celibacy and single parenthood, my sons are grown and seeking their own paths an I have a new man in my life. I care for him very much and he is very respectful to me and very loving. Here come the issues though...

Economic stresses: We live in a labour town where the average wage is minimum wage or not much higher. The outrageous costs of rent are resulting in many people having to rent a room instead of a full unit because it is too excpensive, or people have to share a residence with others to afford housing. This has resulted in myself either sharing rental costs with m son or now, my son, myself and my parents living together. My partner also resides with other people. There is no "us" or "we" space to be together in. For both of us to rent a unit together in this town is simply unaffordable presently and thus is one stressor.

Family expectations: My partner is from a lesser educational background than my father and myself. My partner does, however, contain life experience and wisdom I respect him for. My father cannot do so, unfortunately. It seems that my son cannot see his worth either. I am residing in a housing unit with a son I love and a father who is quickly taking over the parental control roll again and brazenly stating his negative views of my partner which forces me to defend my partner and triggers deep resentment for years of this authoritarian personality trait my father has always had.

Health habits: My partner smokes and I never have. He respects this and will try to keep smoke away from me and will not smoke in my home. He has even stated at times that he does not enjoy smoking but he is surrounded by multiple smokers in this comunity and I am the minority in our social network. He is also one of those men who do not see a doctor unless he is near death and I have high healthy lifestyle standards as do the rest of my family. Can I be patient enough to wait for his gradual progression into a healthier lifestyle without seeming like a nag and pushing it on him constantly?

These three issues aside, he is very respectful to me and has already encouraged changes in myself that I would never have done for other people and he has equally been flexible and attentive to my concerns when I have voiced them. I need help in balancing outside influences and economic issues with our own needs and expectations. Any suggestions?

If your into health then you will soon relies that should be on the top of the list .
Second hand smoke is just as bad as smoking .
If he doesn't care to go to the doctor at least yearly check ups then that's not good as well . When you get older you need to take care of yourself , he's not young anymore and can't get away with not taking care of the body .

[Koko2]

Your situation seems to be somewhat like actual dating in the middle ages because they had arranged marriages back then. I know what you're going through with the economics and parental control unit. I wouldn't be certain that he'll quit smoking and transition to a healthier lifestyle though it's possible. Is he at least joining a support group to try?

[hamster-bamster]

e-cigs? Also, he does not understand preventive maintenance. He thinks that you turn to drs when you are on the verge of dying. In reality it might be too late by then. If he has a car, he knows the car needs to have oil changes. It needs maintenance. We fill it up with gas, wash it every now and then, etc. Maybe this analogy would work for him.

I think that the biggest issue is your father and not economics or health. In terms of the guy, he does very much seem like a good catch.

[BobbyDavis]

Quitting smoking isn’t easy to do.

Contrary to the belief of non-smokers it isn’t just something you can do in one day and it can take up to months for a person to completely quit smoking. I started smoking in 1992 when I was just a child and I got expelled from my first school because the stupid teacher thought I was trying to burn down the school with a lighter even though I told her it was for cigarettes and I have quit drinking and coke over the years but I still smoke at least two packets a week because as much as I want to give it up it is really hard for me to do and my Wife doesn’t mind anymore as long as I go outside to do it and not smoke in front of our children.

If you really want him to quit I would suggest getting him help.