[ocdbee]

I am a woman in my early 20s who has been in a relationship with a young man in his early 20s. We have built a life together: got an apartment with pets and we constantly discuss marriage, children and future plans. I love him, and I want to be with him forever. He respects me, he cares, he listens, he makes me laugh, and he is attractive and great in bed. I have a crazy sex drive. I am almost always in the mood. He is not this way. Never really has been. We have sex 2-3 times a week. If it were up to me, it would be daily. We both work and go to school, and he is always too tired to have sex and it frustrates me and makes me feel unwanted and rejected. I crave sexual attention because it boosts my self esteem. I have BDD, and sex has been a short-term solution for it. I have a strong desire to have sex, and since he is not providing it, it is making me stray. I fantasize about being with new men that make me feel wanted and beautiful, something that my partner hasn't been doing so much of lately. I even fantasize about experimenting with women - which is all very new, I've never really had these feelings before. I crave intimacy and kissing and breathing somebody in. I am not going to cheat, but I still want to. I don't want to leave my boyfriend, and I have tried to talk to him and he says we have enough sex and I am just creating issues. I don't know what else to do because I am unsatisfied and I feel guilty for wanting other people.

[Maria116]

I was a in a relationship which turned into marriage from age 23 to age 29 where I was extremely dissatisfied sexually. He was horrible in bed plus it only took place no more than once a week. I had one particular opportunity to cheat where I remember crying to my friend about how torn I was. Looking back I'm proud to say that I've stayed faithful to my husband the entire time from when we met and until we divorced. I've had better experiences afterward.

[curley]

Since everything else sounds like it is there, the love the caring, you really need to consider everything and decide if you could handle losing everything you have. Because you probably would if you were unfaithful!
It is also possible that your hormones could be off, maybe you could have them checked. although, it could be the fact that you are young which makes you want sex more. but the hormones are a possibility to check out.

[VioletBubble]

A mismatch in sex drives is an issue that isn't likely to go away, but only get amplified with time. If he feels you two are having enough sex and isn't interested in more, you are at a stalemate. Were you with him during a less busy (ie. tired) time? How much of that (busy, tired) do you think is the problem here?

Having an affair is only going to breakup the relationship, either now or in the future.

I don't think wanting daily sex means your hormones are off, and maybe if you didn't have BDD, you'd still have a high sex drive. Nothing wrong with a woman wanting and needing frequent sex.

But an affair will solve nothing (I see you said you do not want to have an affair).

I'm sorry, I don't have any answers.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by ocdbee

We have sex 2-3 times a week. If it were up to me, it would be daily. We both work and go to school, and he is always too tired to have sex and it frustrates me and makes me feel unwanted and rejected. I crave sexual attention because it boosts my self esteem. .

It's good that you are in touch with how sexual attention boosts your self esteem. And you recognize that your bf being too tired makes you feel unwanted and rejected.

Therein lies the real dilemma, imo. He's young, and unaware how to properly address your varying sex drives. Has he ever attempted a compromise? Do you live together?

[healingme4me]

To add, I don't know why it ires me to hear that a high libido is all about hormones? She's young, however, highly unlikely to outgrow that. She may, as she ages, learn how to temper it and recognize her self worth doesn't hinge on her sexuality alone...

[Slamjammer]

Affairs are high maintenance and can be complicated. It sounds like you already have a good relationship in every way except sex. You don't need an affair, you just want more sex. Not to be crude, but why not just buy a "toy" and avoid all the headaches of an affair?

[Koko2]

Maybe you should find someone with a compatible sex drive. Most young men have high sex drives, so maybe he's having an affair. It could be a possibility anyways.

[Trippin2.0]

If its purely a mismatched sex drive, then buying yourself a BOB should fix your problem.


But! From what you've written, sounds to me that you actually crave the reassurance sex brings, as opposed to the orgasms...


Distinguishing between which of these two scenarios is the actual issue, will lead you to your solution.


If you're just plain horny all the time, then its time to take some responsibility for your own pleasure. (I'd be singing a different tune if your bf never or hardly ever wanted to have sex) but I digress...


If it's the BDD quick fix you crave, well then it's also time to take responsibility and take this issue to therapy.


Whatever it is, cheating is obviously not the answer. This would be such a senseless way to destroy a good relationship, and would no doubt add to your emotional and mental turmoil.

[ocdbee]

Originally Posted by Slamjammer

Affairs are high maintenance and can be complicated. It sounds like you already have a good relationship in every way except sex. You don't need an affair, you just want more sex. Not to be crude, but why not just buy a "toy" and avoid all the headaches of an affair?

Because I crave the intimacy from sharing that with a person.

Originally Posted by ocdbee

I have a strong desire to have sex, and since he is not providing it, it is making me stray. I fantasize about being with new men that make me feel wanted and beautiful, something that my partner hasn't been doing so much of lately.

Then it will happen then , do you go to places where " It could just happen " ?

Have u been with someone else already ?

[ocdbee]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

It's good that you are in touch with how sexual attention boosts your self esteem. And you recognize that your bf being too tired makes you feel unwanted and rejected.

Therein lies the real dilemma, imo. He's young, and unaware how to properly address your varying sex drives. Has he ever attempted a compromise? Do you live together?

He has attempted a compromise. And we do live together. The compromise didn't work though, since he is always tired. He has health issues that cause fatigue. He has had this ailment since childhood. It affects other parts of our days, like staying out late and exercising.

[ocdbee]

Originally Posted by Bad Boy

Then it will happen then , do you go to places where " It could just happen " ?

Have u been with someone else already ?

Not really. We have kind of been home bodies lately. And I have not cheated. I just masturbate a lot. Not very satisfying.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by ocdbee

He has attempted a compromise. And we do live together. The compromise didn't work though, since he is always tired. He has health issues that cause fatigue. He has had this ailment since childhood. It affects other parts of our days, like staying out late and exercising.

Does he not give you that wholeness feeling of being desired, regardless of whether you've shared a physical moment? Does he know you desire being with other people?

Originally Posted by ocdbee

Not really. We have kind of been home bodies lately. And I have not cheated. I just masturbate a lot. Not very satisfying.

Ok , I would love to help you out with that !

Have you tried a " F**kCation " staying in bed all weekend ? Lots of sexual experimentation ?
Stress kills sex , is there to much stress there ?

Cheating is not the answer it will only bring more problems unless you asked your b/f if you can have sex with other guys .
If he is not into you hooking up with other guys then this guy is not for you , and your looking to cheat hello red flag bells should be going off in your head that he's not the guy for you .

[healingme4me]

I have been thinking about this more. It sounds like there's a chance that more than just physical intimacy is missing. I can get like that sometimes. I've pushed myself through the years to realize that if the emotional connection, the need to be treated like pampering me matters, if I'm not feeling important, physical connection is a way i feel connected. I've learned it's really a final resort.
Thing is, without working through it, and believe me it wasn't something I worked through in talk therapy, more heartache and pain lies ahead. It was more than sex that was craved, it was a satisfying relationship. My needs were unmet and unaddressed, and sadly being the type of person who usually would put myself last, I didn't really know what those were. That was discovered in therapy, after removing myself from a marriage that entailed domestic violence and a husband that felt that sex was something i was obligated to produce, after all my libido is high.
I'd say sort through everything. Don't want to come away from making choices that could leave you feeling used or misused.

Originally Posted by ocdbee

It affects other parts of our days, like staying out late and exercising.

Originally Posted by ocdbee

We have kind of been home bodies lately. .

[BobbyDavis]

I think it all depends on how important sex is to you in your relationship.

My Wife and I didn’t have sex until after we were married because of some personal problems in her past and I married her not knowing if we would ever have it at all and even though we have sex now and have a two year old and another baby on the way I would have stayed with her even if we never had sex because l love her and I could live without sex. In your case, I think you should break up with your boyfriend now because if you care about him it is better that you break up with him than cheat on him with another man or woman and having him find out later.