In my first LDR and first relationship since divorce

I met someone a bout a year into my divorce and she lives 300 mile from me. We became fast friends on the phone and then we started to "as friends" visit each other. She was in a relationship that was ending and eventually we realized our feelings for each other meant more.

The problem is now I want more but we are both stuck due to split custody. I find myself thinking about what she is up to not in a jealous way but more of an insecure Im waiting for the call to ditch me. I am quite sure this is due to the betrayal I experienced. This causes me anxiety and I have been trying to fill myself up. I workout and keep busy but it is the late hours and early hours that seem to be the worst.

Some of this comes from being a single father and not having much social interaction. My daughter is 3 and if not with her I am working. I have recently got her into a few community events but other than that we remain alone.

My GF texted me this morning to tell me she stopped at a Halloween party last night and I got chills. I know it shouldn't matter but the long distance and blind trust are taking a toll. I think sometimes its the thought of the odds not being in our favor…I should also state she is from my home town and gets here often. Her Dad and Brother live near me. I have been friends with her brother and never knew her.. The family and I all get along well and that feels good. I am just confused.

It seems simple that I should be confidant we have fostered this relationship over the last 2 years. Friends for about the first year, and romantic for about 9 months… Sigh~

...So how often do you get to see each other? Does she have custody of a child too? I suppose for the moment all you can do is arrange more visits and schedule adequate lengths of time over the phone/via email to talk to each other but eventually you'll have to think about the future. I think it's great that you're a dedicated Father and of course your children are your top priority but you're entitled to happiness too - maybe one day you can live together in a location that's adequately suited to her needs as well as your children's. Compromises will have to made but for any relationship that's worth having this is par for the course.

If she has no commitments and this is a problem solely from your end maybe she can look into temporarily renting a place closer to you - that way she can stay for long weekends and maybe a week or so when she has time off. Depending on how the relationship grows perhaps she might feel comfortable to move back to the area or somewhere closer to it.

I hope you can work something out - it would seem your relationship is at a turning point and now would be a good time to start discussing what's next. Good luck.

Hello Otteaga: This is a difficult situation for sure. I would think some candid discussion between you & your GF might be in order. It seems to me you're kind-of stuck right now. From what you wrote it sounds like you have no social life to speak of. You're either working or you're with your daughter. So all of your "instincts" for socialization, so to speak, (to say nothing of intimacy) are focused on someone who's 300 miles away most of the time.

My "instincts" tell me this may work for awhile. (In fact, it has worked for 2 years.) But it is unlikely to work for allot longer. You're already suffering the effects of loneliness. Of course, I don't know how your GF is feeling. Perhaps she has more opportunities for socialization than you do currently. But either way, it would be my thought that probably sooner rather than later the two of you will have to talk this out & reach some decisions with regard to where, if anywhere, your relationship is going.

If, realistically, there's simply no chance of the two of you being together any time soon, then perhaps it would be best to at least put the romantic part of your relationship to rest for now. If it simply can't go anywhere, there's no point in fanning the flames. You would be better served by taking a look at your current living situation & trying to figure out how you can incorporate some opportunities for socialization with other adults into it. The two of you can, perhaps, continue to be friends. And down the road, depending on how things work out, the romantic aspects of your relationship can be revisited when it becomes more practical for the two of you to be together. These are my thoughts with regard to your situation, anyway.

Long distance relationships are so hard! You both need a lot of patience and grace. Have you considered using this time to develop and grow yourself? Is there a possibility of her moving closer? Open and honest communication has always been the key to success fir me. Enjoy spending time with your daughter and meeting new friends.

~Ducktapetherapy77