[Harley326]

I was diagnosed as Bipolar I almost exactly a year ago. I completely went off the rails - lost my job, quit going to school, isolated myself, delusions.. you name it. Now that I'm stable again, one of my only friends believes that the reason I lost it was because of my brothers death 4 years ago. I was diagnosed with PTSD following his accident, so maybe that did have some sort contribution to me losing it, but it wasn't the sole factor. I don't think there was a single factor that created the perfect storm leading up to my episode. Either way, she believes that that's what caused my "nervous breakdown." No matter how many times I tell her it wasn't a nervous breakdown, it was a manic/depressive episode, she always reverts to it being a nervous breakdown. It bothers me because that's not what happened. I know she doesn't mean anything by it, but she believes she understands exactly what happened and everything I went through and despite describing bits of my ordeal, she still gets it wrong while speaking with conviction about what happened. Recently, she's been claiming she needs to be hospitalized. I haven't said anything to her and I would never tell her this, but it feels like she only wants to be hospitalized because I was. It's like she thinks it's cool and will give her a new type of "cred." It's like she wants to go just so she can let everyone know that she has. It makes me feel small. I just wish she understood that mental illness is more than a stunt to grab attention. Has anyone gone through a similar situation? Am I being unfair to her? Sometimes I think I might be.

Sorry for the rambling. It's just that this has been bothering me for a while now.

[hvert]

I have had friends who seemed to want to one-up me in weird ways, yeah, but not as drastic as your friend. I did hear a weird story from another friend of mine. Someone she knew had some really strange health issues - I forget what her symptoms were, but they were bizarre and she had extreme fatigue. She was talked into going to the ER where she learned that she had an extremely rare form of cancer - she wound up staying for two months.

A few days after her diagnosis, her sister demanded that she also be tested for the cancer, even though she had none of the symptoms. Everyone around her thought it was a strange bid for attention.

So no idea why people do this, but your friend is definitely not the only one.

[angelene]

No, you're not alone. I've had copycat/one-upping friends before. These people are twisted and usually crave the spotlight because they have low self-esteem and/or chaos in their lives.

She's being unfair to you. You've expressed your feelings about what happened to you — and you should be considered the expert on that subject! — yet she still ignores what you're saying.

Do you think there is a way to talk to her again in a way that will help her understand that a) this illness isn't a stunt, and b) she's hurting you?

[Harley326]

Originally Posted by angelene

No, you're not alone. I've had copycat/one-upping friends before. These people are twisted and usually crave the spotlight because they have low self-esteem and/or chaos in their lives.

She's being unfair to you. You've expressed your feelings about what happened to you — and you should be considered the expert on that subject! — yet she still ignores what you're saying.

Do you think there is a way to talk to her again in a way that will help her understand that a) this illness isn't a stunt, and b) she's hurting you?

I'm not sure how to go about talking to her again. I don't want her to get mad at me as I don't have many friends anymore and even less who know I was hospitalized and diagnosed as bipolar. I correct her when she talks about "knowing" what I went through, but I don't want to deny whatever she is feeling by telling her I don't believe her/that I feel like she's grabbing for attention. It's always been hard for me to express how I really feel because I've always felt that people wouldn't believe me or that they would think I was being a wuss and I don't want to pass any of those feelings on to her.

[angelene]

Originally Posted by Harley326

I'm not sure how to go about talking to her again. I don't want her to get mad at me as I don't have many friends anymore and even less who know I was hospitalized and diagnosed as bipolar. I correct her when she talks about "knowing" what I went through, but I don't want to deny whatever she is feeling by telling her I don't believe her/that I feel like she's grabbing for attention. It's always been hard for me to express how I really feel because I've always felt that people wouldn't believe me or that they would think I was being a wuss and I don't want to pass any of those feelings on to her.

This is a delicate situation. I don't want you to mess up your friendship if she is one of the only people you get support from. OTOH, it doesn't sound like she's being very supportive and might be doing more damage than good.

Would you be able to engage her in a conversation about both of your struggles — compare notes, as it were? Perhaps you could do this the next time she brings up "knowing" what it's like?