[sissyf026]

I am need for some advice or a different point of view. I’m not sure of how much background is necessary, so I’ll try to be brief J I have been dating this man for some time now. Lately he has been talking more and more about our future, living together, etc. Both of us are divorced and have children so this is not a decision that will be made lightly. I have many things to consider and weigh out, all of which I am prepared to talk about – except one topic. He has a tattoo of his ex’s name. We have never really discussed it. I don’t really even understand why this particular topic is awkward for me. I do know however that I would not move in with him while he had the tattoo. My problem is I don’t know how to approach the topic without sounding like I am demanding he cover it up. I want him to not feel defensive. For me, it’s kind of like the symbolic wedding ring, the family picture hanging on the wall if that makes sense. Many people don’t understand why I can tolerate it while we are dating, I guess it does bother me. But moving in together is a big step for any relationship. One step closer to marriage in a lot of ways. I suppose that is why. I would appreciate any suggestions or advice, even if it’s to tell me I am acting crazy J

[healingme4me]

I don't find it unreasonable to question why he hasn't done anything about the exes name, yet. To me, seems like a no brainer on his end.

"I will not discuss the future until that is gone or covered up"

He has no reason to still have it. It should have been gone the day the divorce papers were signed.

[GreyFemmeCyborg]

First, you have every right to be feeling the way you do.

Second, try bringing it up when you're alone together, and be sure to avoid personal attacks. Let him know how much it would mean to you, and that it would show you how committed he is. Offer to help him come up with new designs to cover it, or offer your support in whichever way you see fit.

If he doesn't want to get rid of it or cover it up, then there is a much bigger conversation that needs to be had. If he says it's "not a big deal", be sure to stand up for yourself! It's totally a big deal.

[Slamjammer]

"I'm sorry John (or whatever ) but there is something that has been really bugging me. I don't feel comfortable seeing Gertrude's name on your arm. Before we take our relationship to the next level, it needs to go away. "

Just make sure you really want the relationship to move ahead. If he does it, you are committed.

[~Christina]

Maybe he is just clueless about it. Just voice that it is a problem that you have. Covering up a tattoo is really easy to be honest. Maybe you could both decide on a design to take care of this problem.

Good luck

[sissyf026]

I have to honestly say I feel so much better this morning. I wasn't sure if I was being unreasonable and petty. Thank you all so much!

[kelly8896]

I agree that you should discuss the issue with him. He may be clueless. I like Christina’s idea on coming up with a design together to cover it up.

I’ll be honest; I was clueless on something similar. I had a collage of pictures of me and my kids hanging in the house. A couple of pictures in the collage contained me, my kids and my ex (the kid’s dad). After dating this guy for quite a long time we had decided to get engaged. He mentioned the collage and that he didn’t like the fact that I had pictures of my ex hanging. I had really never thought about them so it never dawned on me that it would be upsetting to him. After we talked, I replaced the pictures and all was well.

I know a tattoo is a little harder to replace, remove or cover up, but I can most defiantly see your point of view and think you should talk about it and be honest in what your feelings are in the matter.

Good luck!

[hamster-bamster]

I know that when Johnny Depp broke up with Winona Ryder, he modified his tattoo from: "winona foreer" to "wine forever".

Maybe this man's ex' name can also lend itself to a meaningful modification?