[babblingbrooke]

Hi, I'm new to the boards and I'm not exactly sure where to post this. I'm hoping this is the correct place?

I am happily married, and have been for two years. I have been with my husband for nearly four years.

Befote meeting my husband, I dated James off and on for two years. For a few months, I took time off from James to date another boy, Christopher. I fell in love with Christopher during those few months, and lost my virginity to him. We ended up breaking up because I left for school and we couldn't deal with the distance. We spoke off and on over the next year, and saw each other one more time, after I had begun dating my now-husband. We met for closure, and slept together, but we haven't seen each other since then, in almost four years.

I picked back up with James after Christopher and I ended things the first time, and he'd visit me at school and we'd get together whenever I was home for breaks. I finally had to end things with James, because I couldn't handle wasting my energy on him when it was clear that we were casual and weren't going to end up together.
I began dating the man who is now my husband a month later, and didn't hear from James until my now-husband and I hit a rough patch, and took a break. I contacted James during that time, and we met up a few times, always with friends, and other than him placing his hand on my thigh while we were sitting at a bar, I didn't le anything happen between us. My now-husband and I made up, and I have not spoken with James in almost three years.

Even after years of no contact with either of my exes, I still cannot get them out of my mind. I have an excellent memory, and so I remember lots of details about both of these relationships. I love my husband very much, and I am so happy with him, so I don't understand why I keep dreaming and daydreaming about these old flames.

I have tried so much to get these good memories of them out of my head. I think of the fights, the lies, the bad memories. I think of the good memories I have with my husband. Nothing works. I just want to stop dwelling on my past so much. Please help.

[bluekoi]

babblingbrooke, Perhaps you should consider seeing a therapist to find out why you cannot let these past loves go? It would be healthier for your marriage not to be dwelling on old boyfriends.