[hvert]

I'm working on boundaries and saying no. I'm reading a book about it this morning, in fact!

A friend asked me to do a job for her. I agreed, even though I wanted to say no, because I felt like I 'should' do it. In hindsight, I really wish I had said no. I have encountered frustrations every step of the way.

The latest is this: my friend sent an email to a half dozen people, asking us to schedule a time next week for me to come in and work with each of them one on one. She suggested that I come on the day of some big meeting, but didn't say what the day was.

I asked when their meeting was. I also listed the three out of five days that I am available next week.

One of them wrote back to tell me that their meeting was on one of the two days that I am not available and said that day was perfect for her. Now four people have agreed that I should come in on that day.

I am just sitting here, shaking my head. I thought it was pretty lucky for them that I was available on such short notice for three days next week and they all choose a day I didn't list as an option?

I am not sure how to handle this. Technically I could meet with some of them that morning - my other commitment is in the afternoon. However, there's no way I could complete all the work that morning, so I would need to make multiple trips - plus, I resent the fact that they expect me to come in on a day I said I wasn't available.

[kelly8896]

You're available when your available. I'd simply state again that you are available on this day, this day and this day. When would you like to schedule something.

[hvert]

Thank you - it sounds so simple the way you put it

[hvert]

It's crazy - it took me nearly two hours to email a two line response reiterating the times I was available and letting them know it was going to take more time to complete the work than they were assuming.

Originally Posted by hvert

It's crazy - it took me nearly two hours to email a two line response reiterating the times I was available and letting them know it was going to take more time to complete the work than they were assuming.

But doesn't it feel good to have done that?

[JadeAmethyst]

[hvert]

Yes, it does! I've got them on the right day at least, but they are still not realistic about how much time it will take. I think that I have just had too many of these situations this week and it's getting to me.

[Strive4health]

Gosh, can these people read? Comprehension, hello!

Maybe next time they do this, resend the email where you specify your availability, and ask them to read that email. No sense in repeating, and if they don't get the message you'd have to wonder if they even read what you said.

[hvert]

I think I am just not cut out to freelance. I feel like this person is treating me as if I have nothing else to do all day but attend to them.

They've decided that I need to split the work into two days rather than doing it all at once. It's not an entirely unreasonable request, but it's also a bit like telling the plumber that he needs to install the tub and sink on separate days, in case something goes wrong when he installs the sink. I find it insulting. My boyfriend says 'they're paying you,' but I don't care - I would rather just do the job and be done with it than waste my time making unnecessary trips to their office. They presumably hired me for my expertise, but they are making decisions they are not qualified to make and being rather imperious when they tell me what they want me to do instead of what I know is the right thing to do.

At this point, I am just going to do whatever I have to in order to put this behind me and I will never agree to do more work for them, no matter how broke I am.

[Angelique67]

Frustrating but at least they're paying you. Last week someone asked my opinion on his work (wanted me to consult which involved me doing unpaid work). When I refused, he blew up at me and stormed off. He refuses to do this work for free yet objected when I said the same thing to him!

[hvert]

Oh wow, your friend has some nerve asking you to consult for free!

[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by hvert

Oh wow, your friend has some nerve asking you to consult for free!

Even more nerve saying what I said was bs and storming off saying, this is it, "bye!". He's so beyond impossible it's just staggering. And this has been a pattern with him which was why I lost interest in helping him after 1 project became 2. He always does that. Starts with a straightforward request that becomes more and more and never ending. I suspect he's a narcissist sociopath.

Adding to that, he already has a teacher/mentor whom he pays. But somehow he always wanted to create situations in which I'd be some sort of unpaid assistant. I really hate him for this and the aggravation just has nowhere to go because since I only know him online I can't scream at him or hit him (yes, I want to hit him!). If I were still able to I'd take a long walk. But since I can't, I can't really seem to process my anger.

[hvert]

That's kind of how I feel about my friend's project - it started off as one thing and then turned into something else. I just want it to be over before anything else happens - and I think we are at a point where there's nothing they can really do to drag this out anymore.

I hope.

It's very stressful, though. I had a fight with my BF this morning over something ridiculous (I asked him to stop using my apron as a rag and he accused me of being confrontational and rude with my request). Then I had that stupid email. I wish I could let go of this stuff or handle it better so that it didn't leave me feeling incapable of doing anything else all morning.

It's very annoying when someone wants you to work for free when they are paying someone else to do it. I just ran into a similar situation where someone wanted me to do something for free. I said no, so now they asked me if I know anyone they can hire. Seriously???

I hope you are feeling a bit better about your situation now. Maybe people are being annoying because it's Monday.

[Angelique67]

Why do they do that? Expect help for free - just because you're/I'm an acquaintance/friend??? It aggravates me so much!

I hope the thing you're doing will end without more complications and that you can extricate yourself smoothly. Since I'm not on speaking terms with the oaf that blew up at me unfortunately I can't - well maybe I can tell him off if he didn't block my email. But I doubt I'd get any peace from that. It would just start it up all over again. Best for me just to forget him/this and be proud of myself for standing up for myself.

[hvert]

Ugh, that's unsatisfying that you can't tell him off -- hopefully venting about it here helped I'm glad you said no - that's the important thing.

I feel like my client blocked my emails. She doesn't respond to anything I send directly to her, just what I send to the whole team.

[Pia77]

hi! I feel like this at work. I'm fairly new and everything I say gets ignored, never seen anything like it. Its also a blame culture so as long as I email my comments, I get to cover my back. Its not personal, some people just live in their own world and in my work they've learned to be like this from the culture.

And saying no is so empowering, your book sounds like a good start

[hvert]

I hope the blame culture lessens up and you can get them off your back -- I think I have PTSD from my last 'real' job where blame culture was rampant. They finally settled on me as the scapegoat and I cracked.