Best friend problem?

Lately my bff of 3-4 years "Jane" has been a lot more distant lately. She no longer refers to me as her bff anymore. It's been months since she has signed the word bestie before her name. And she no longer responds to me when I call her bestie by saying OK, bye bestie. I know that this might seem silly to some, but this is really bothering me.

It's not just that, but her very distant attitude. She'll ignore ALL calls now. I'm lucky if she calls me back in a day or two. She takes a lot longer to email me back. Since she HAS been going through a rough time for the past few years, I'm cutting her some slack.

Basically her dad died back in April of this year. I was there for her of course and would answer all of her calls and let her talk for a couple of hours each time. I told her that I'd get flowers, but she told me to save my money as I'm usually on a budget. So I didn't. I got her a nice card that she really appreciated instead. I wasn't invited to the funeral since it was a small private one and only for family to limit costs. I can't imagine her being pissed at me not getting flowers. Is that possible?

Soon after that, her main best friends mom died of a stroke. Her other best friends mom was like her second mother. They've known each other for 20 years, but I have never once met this woman or her other friend. Anyways, ever since this happened, I haven't seen her in FOUR months! I did see her recently, but I sort of had to remind her that I haven't seen her in that long after I saw her post on FB that she just went out with friends.

She was fine when we met. We only me once four months before her dad died of a heart condition. I DO understand that she's been upset about this and a few other things. Is it weird that she is being more distant and ignoring me? Also, is the fact that she is no longer calling me her best friend something to worry about?

Should I say anything about that to her? Or would it make her upset that I would mention that at this time? I might see her again soon, or I might not depending on her schedule now. I'd appreciate any insight into this. I've never had to deal with a friend who's dealing with not just one, but two deaths of two close loved ones in a short period of time. So I don't know how this would affect anyone on a long term basis and the effect that it has on their friends and family.

I think it is hard to know what your friend is thinking. Her behavior is evasive, so even if you ask directly, you are not guaranteed to get a straight answer. I agree with you that her change in signature is probably significant, even though it's a small thing.

I try to interpret these kinds of situations as matter of factly as I can. For whatever reason, friend X isn't contacting me or responding anymore. For a very good friend, I do still keep in touch periodically, with a call/email/txt every few months or so, even if I don't get a response. If I were in your shoes, I would simply accept that my relationship with this person has changed (even if I don't like it). It really does suck when people you like a lot don't want to be as close anymore.

I have noticed that deaths can completely change a person's life. My neighbor's husband died a few months ago. Ever since then, her house is always full of people I've never seen before. For years we would go to parties at this woman's house and the only people there were neighbors -- now I never see her because there's always a crowd of strangers. At first I thought that these people would drift off again, but it seems like the funeral let her renew old relationships.

Hi Shy, it is always difficult if not impossible to know what someone else is thinking.....so since you seem hurt and confused I would ask her.
Since your friend has had so much tragedy in her life recently it may have absolutely nothing to do with you, she may just feel more connected with her other friends lately.
I would make your discussion about her and not about you! At this point in her life she may not want to hear that you are hurt, since she is hurting so much. I would tell her how much you miss her and tell her you know she has been through so much and you would like her to know you are there for her. Tell her you are never to busy to make time for her because you care about and love her!(do not mention other friends)
If this talk does not bring her around at all then maybe you should give her some time.
If she does not come around there may not be anything else you can say.
I know it may be difficult not to take this all personally, but seriously, maybe it is not about you at all!!

Oh, I had to say, I have always said that Cats are some of the Best People I know, so I can really relate to your Cat saying, Cats are better than most people! Thumbs up you are Right On!!!!

Death can make people do crazy things that they don't understand. When my best friend died, I cut off a different friend for reasons that seemed valid at the time but in retrospect were pretty stupid. I thought I was extricating myself from obligations but I was really making my world and life even smaller. Try not to take it too personally because there's no way of knowing exactly what's going through your friend's mind.

All I can say that it is NOT that you did not send the flowers. There was nothing wrong with your not sending the flowers, and you were not invited to the funeral because it was done on a budget, and your card was appreciated, and she herself told you to save money.

So I agree with others in that it is hard to say what her reasons for being distant are, and whether she herself is even aware of them, but if it helps at least a bit, I would drop the topic of flowers from your "worry list" since clearly you did nothing wrong and she did not expect more than a thoughtful card from you.

I would wait it out.

I agree with Hamster....Also

You seem to be on the younger side from your manner of speech (no offense and please forgive my assumption if I am wrong). People DO grow apart sometimes and death can catapult a person into a maturity level that they should not have to be in.

Have patience and let her guide your level of interaction.

It is nothing that you did or can change.

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Thanks for your great advice! Sorry that it took awhile to respond to you! I sometimes get overwhelmed, and I tend to be forgetful! I'm no longer getting as many email updates on most messages, so that doesn't help any!

You're right about what you said! She is going through a lot of stuff right now. On top of everything else, she is having some health issues, etc....So I'll leave her alone for now and let her contact me when she's ready.

She seemed to be doing better when I last saw her, but some people can just hide their pain well. I'll always be there for her whenever she needs me, and she knows that. I did listen to her talk on the phone for hours after her dad died. I'm sure that she wants to be alone now. I'll just send her a text on New Years eve and make it short and sweet.

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Sorry for the slow response. I tend to post way to much on here at once, and I tend to forget to respond to some posts! I'm just forgetful in general, especially when I'm stressed out! I'm no longer getting email notifications for most messages too which doesn't help!

Anyways, you're right about what you said. Thanks for your helpful advice! I'll just give her some space right now and not make anything about me at all. She is going through even more hardship than ever right now with health issues and other stuff, so I'll just end up sending her a short and sweet text on New Year's Eve to let her know that I'm thinking about her.

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LOL! They sure are-

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Hi, sorry for the slow response. I honestly overlooked this post! I tend to be very forgetful, especially when I'm stressed out! Thanks for your response and good advice! I'm over that now. She is dealing with even more issues now with her health and more stuff, so I'll just leave her alone and give her some space for now.

I'll just send her a short and sweet text on New Year's Eve.

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LOL, no problem! I'm not that young, but I am young at heart for sure! You're right about what you said! I'm over this now. She is now dealing with health issues & a few other things that would've made me go insane a long time ago, so I'll just give her some space for now.

I'll just send her a sweet and short text on New Year's Eve and let her get back to me when she's ready to.

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Sorry for the slow response. I forgot about this thread until now! Anyways, you're right about what you said. Sorry to hear about your friend. Maybe you can get back in touch with your former friend and apologize to her for cutting her out of your life because of what happened? I'm sure that she'll forgive you unless she's the type to hold a grudge maybe.

Yes, unfortunately. I did get back in touch but things weren't the same. It was a very long time ago.

Sorry to hear that- Anyways, I hope that you and everyone else on here end up having a Happy New Years!

Thank you! Happy new year to you too!

I is very hard to understand why hay have been a BFF and noww you don't know.
You sent a card, it is not about the flowers,
Do you go out with her and other friends she has? It is nice to try to stay in touch, you are supportive to her thru the pain of death in her family, Maybe she will get back to you and explain . I am sorry for what you are going thru

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Hi, things between us are OK now. She is going through so much, that I guess she needs more space, so I'll give her more space. In her last email, she did suggest hanging out sometime soon after I mentioned that. So hopefully I'll get to see her soon.

Oh Shy, thank you so much for your sweet reply. I really hope I did help in some way! a nice Happy New year with no expectations, etc would be very nice. I hope it worked out for you. Take Care!!!

Hi Curley, you did help me a little bit! Right now I'm only getting emails once in awhile from my bff, and after I asked her if she'd like to go out sometime soon, she said yes. No plans have been made yet, but it does seem like she is interested in going out to eat and maybe watch a movie or go shopping in a few weeks.

I hope that she means that. So far this year has been OK. I have been going to the gym for the last two days. I just joined one. I'm determined to loose weight this year! So far I did good by going there for 40-45 minutes two days in a row so far!

I hope that things are going good for you too!