[EglantineRose]

So I have been talking to this guy online now for a couple of months (I’m 22 and he is 28 so our age difference is six years). It was really unexpected to meet him (I told him I was only looking for friends but we still kept talking). I was sort of bored on Facebook so I went onto some dating page, expecting maybe to have short conversations but definitely not to talk for this long. I’ve never dated and I hadn’t planned to for a while (despite my age), because I’m still overcoming depression and anxiety that have both been very severe, and so I’m trying to put my life back together. I don’t even have friends right now because I’m still trying to motivate myself to go out more and develop friendships. I haven’t had friends for a long time because my depression/anxiety has been very isolating.
At first I thought he was just a nice person who could be a friend. He lives nearby but still a distance away, and I honestly didn’t get the impression that he would be someone I’d like as more than a friend. He went to college for trades but I’m earning a university degree (which isn’t something I have a problem with because I like when somebody pursues that it is that they want to do). Because of my anxiety or whatever I deal with I’m always skeptical of people and I’m not very trusting, but he is my friend on Facebook and I’m confident now that everything he is telling me is adding up and he is who he says he is.
I can tell that he really likes me, a lot, and he wants to talk on the phone and possibly meet eventually. I really like him too, even though it’s not something I planned on and the way it happened was really out of character for me (because I do not normally go on dating sites, especially because I hadn’t even planned on dating until I have my life together). Loneliness is probably why I chose to talk to him for so long, but now I really like him. I admire his honesty, and the fact that he accepts my circumstances is incredible. I’m being very careful about this obviously, but I’m happy to have met him regardless of what happens.
I have a few concerns about this, though. I’m currently living with a family member who has no idea this conversation is going on, and even though I’m an adult, they always want to know who I’m talking to and I do not get much space. I’m sure if they found out this was going on they’d be very critical and possibly tell other family members about it. I know they wouldn’t accept it, so I wouldn’t be sure what to do about that. Also, I’m not sure if I’d be ready for it at this point in my life. I’m so confused now because we have a connection but I wasn’t planning on this. Also, being very anxious I still don’t totally trust him. How do you trust someone who you’ve never met before? Any suggestions would be appreciated.

[Little Lulu]

I don't think you can trust someone you have never met. Trust is something that is earned over time. That said, you have a somewhat good feel for this guy at this point so scheduling a 'date' seems reasonable. Meeting in the daytime for coffee in a public place is the usual way to proceed in the on-line dating world. Tell someone (not necessarily your family) when and where you are going for safety reasons. Keep the date short ... you are only getting a feel for whether you want to proceed at this point. And you may have some anxiety to deal with which is another good reason to keep the meeting brief.

Best wishes. I hope it turns out well for you.

[hvert]

I agree with Little Lulu's suggestions -- meet up with this person, hopefully soon, at a coffee shop during the day. If it's possible, you could even ask a friend to be there as well, sitting at another table, or else just go to a place where the employees know you.

[EglantineRose]

Thank you both for the advice. I agree completely with meeting in a public place, letting someone know, etc., I wouldn’t meet under any other circumstances. I meant more of what he is saying, but he’s been so honest about his life, even about things that are not easy to accept, but I’m understanding because I’ve had my own problems so I won’t judge. I’m not sure who I would tell, though, because I don’t have any friends right now. I know people in the community I live, though- not friends, but acquaintances from my support group and stuff who if I absolutely had to tell I might be able to.
As for meeting soon, I’m not sure that I’m comfortable with that. Even though I’ve read that you are supposed to meet soon, I don’t really agree with that. I like talking to him online and I’d like to speak with him over the phone for a while and see what happens. Like I said, I wasn’t looking for a relationship and so if we become friends and just talk I don’t see anything wrong with that either. I’m still hesitant because I’m working on a lot of things in my life and trying to improve my circumstances, and we connected completely by chance, so I don’t see anything wrong with taking a couple of months or so to talk before possibly meeting.
The tough thing about this is that, even with phone conversations I will have to leave my house because I know that my family member is going to be questioning who I’m talking to. While I would understand that concern, they tend to try to get overly involved in my life and decisions, which I don’t like very much, especially because they themselves have gone on dating sites and have met people in real life. My living situation (going off topic) is something that has bothered me for a long time because despite the fact that I love this family member, they can be overbearing, critical, intrusive, and negative to be around. We both have agreed that our living situation isn’t working out and hasn't for years. I'm hoping to live closer to my university campus and share a place with another student or someone who is positive and mature.