[strawberry.fields]

I have borderline personality disorder and have very rarely felt that I had a good group of friends that supported me and whom I liked quite a bit. I moved to college a year ago and finally have a great friend group- I love them quite a bit and i believe they love me too. They were incredibly supportive during a breakup I had over the summer and hit me up to hang out all the time.

Then I got new roomates. One has been a great friend for eight years; the other two are craigslist roomates. I like them well enough but I have a really hard time adjusting to new people. My friend revealed to me a few weeks ago that since they moved in they had all been discussing my bad habits behind my back; I had felt tension in the house and repeatedly asked everyone to talk to me about any issues but it hadn't worked. I confronted them, we talked, and things seem to be getting better. However, I feel that my roomates developed a rapport that I just can't share in- they don't talk to me the same way, etc.

This wouldn't be a huge issue except that my roomates are now part of my friend group. Every time I go to hang out with my friends my roomates are there. One of my roomates in particular has really hit it off with my friends and they hit him up to hang out one-on-one all the time. One of them has a huge thing for him; another is sleeping with him (right now, actually; i wish they'd keep it down a bit). None of them ever hits me up to hang out one-on-one anymore, and we never have small group hangouts anymore (everyone is always there), so I've felt that my "comfort zone" with my friends has been severely disrupted, and I haven't been able to confide in anyone in several months.

This has been exacerbated by my having a bit of a relapse with the borderline; I've been somewhat withdrawn, severely depressed, and experiencing anxiety attacks (including one that turned into an hours-long dissociative fugue). I haven't talked to any of them about this. I've been seeing a new partner; I feel that my apparent preoccupation with the new partner combined with my maybe seeming a little distant has caused this? I'm trying to be more proactive about reaching out to my friends to confide in them but I feel like they don't really want me to, and aren't really returning my interest. They're much more interested in my roomate or each other. But is this the depression speaking? I have no idea.

I reconnected with two really good friends recently and that's been helping. but I'm not sure where to go from here. Am I too reliant on my friends for support, especially for something like mental illness? am i expecting too much of them? should i go see a therapist instead? how jealous should i really feel of my roomate? and how can i work to build rapport with my roomates given our awkward and tense history?

[kaliope]

well I think seeing a therapist would be a good idea so that this doesn't get out of control. you still have an awareness of what is going on and that your bpd is kicking in and you want to get a handle on it before it fully takes over.

I can see that it would be part bpd and part group dynamics. it is natural in groups that when new members come in that old members feels pushed aside. its the same reason three people have a hard time playing together. but you don't have to feel pushed out if you don't want to. call your friends and ask for that one on one time. it is not like they can read your mind and know that you are missing it. it is not like they know you need to talk. you are feeling left out and so allowing yourself to withdraw. don't. put yourself out there and let your friends know you still need them.