Boyfriend has depression, possibly ptsd and pushed me away

am a 21 year old female in college and have been dating my boyfriend for 1 and 1/2 years. Weve never fought, saw eye to eye, were best friends...loving him was so easy. We always took care of eachother. I went across the country got depressed from being away from him and wanted to come home and he bought me a plane ticket back to be with him. another time I went somewhere and was dropped off at a bus station and he came and picked me up at 1am cause he didnt want me to walk the 1/8 of a mile. He isjust a good guy.

He is also a college student, hes 23. He was deployed to Afghanistan in 2010. Sometimes he tells me he feels awful about killing people, or seeing his friends blow up. This week though he lost his mind. For the past 2 weeks he has been going to the VA for counseling (He has stomach issues and has to get a scope done but he needed a evaulation first). He tells me repeatively that talkinga bout it with this woman there really upsets him, I can sense it too he is REALLY upset by it. But like I always do Im there to listen to him and help in whatever way possible.

This week he was really depressed he kept saying "ive been thinking about hte meaning of life' And Tuesday he was quiet hardly talked to me didnt kiss me goodbye. Came over after dinner and broke up with me. He said he was having emotional issues and didnt want me to get hurt. He needed time to figure himself out on his own. He said it wasnt me it was him-he loved me but wasnt in love with me. (What the hell does that mean-after all he has ever done its obvous that boy is very much in love with me). And he left.

He came over the next night and I kept saying I didnt understand what was wrong. he said he wasnt good enough for me, I needed someone who was more effectionate. He would push me away when he didnt want to be kissed-that isnt an isssue, guys arent as afffectionate I expect that. I knew he loved me though. He hugged me and apologized and said he wish he could take it all back. I told him that I was gonna have trust issues now and that I didnt understand why he was leaving, why I couldnt be there to help him. He said he needed time. He said we should be friends for now and see where it goes. Im heartbroken.
I called him over last night and he kept pushing me away I said really mean things cause Im so inlove and heartbroken. I dont know what to do. Be nice to him and risk him throwing me away again if he gets a job out of state. I would follow that boy anywhere. He texted me that his meeting today 'went well'
I just dont know what to do. Our family lives are messed up we each had a parent walk out and remarry leaving the other parent to be very poor and just not a happy area. We understood eachother and now he pushed me out. I dont understand. He said he was having very bad war nightmare this weeks. I read that bad war nightmares lead to this. But I dont know what to do. He threw away his best friend-he doesnt have any really close friends.
I said horrible horrible things that I never say. I said F U. I never swear its so not lady like and I feel so awful about it. But Im just so hurt, and he just threw away his best friend. Do you think he is mad that I swore at him and said hurtful things? I want him back but he said he already hurt me and there still is a chance of getting back together. My friend says he just needs time and space but I dont know how long Im suppose to wait.
I appreciate your answer. Im so heartbroken and didnt understand what he meant last night until I found this website about PTSD from war trauma. He just threw me away without talking about it. And the other night he held me and apologized about what he did saying he wish he could take it back, and then last night when I tried to get him back he pushed me back and said he couldnt do the whole up and down thing.
He came over the other night and apologized up and down saying he wish he could take it all back. He hugged me and held me and held me. I didnthug him back I was kind of mean about it I dont understand how he could throw me away and expect everything to be ok. The next night he texted and asked if I needed anything in town I said no, and was mean still. Then later that night I had him come over and I tried to hug him and he pushed me away saying he needed time-that it might not be over yet but he is not ready for a relationship. Do you think he will come back? I dont even know if I should sit by him in class next week =(
Will he pull through and be his loving self again? I dont wanna lose him.
He keeps making conversation. Sometimes I dont hear from him in hours. He had breakfast with me and I honestly felt sick. He gets to my table and asks if he could sit there I said yea. I wasnt the absolute nicest, I told him about my day and nothing else-only the questions he asked me about. I didnt ask too much about him. He said he finished his book that hes been reading, that he hasnt really left his room. But he seemed distant. But he keeps contacting me. I seriously don't know. Its so awkward and painful for me. He keeps talking to my friends like I said he doesnt really have friends. I dont know how much I can put up with this. I just want us back the way we were.
Today I wrote him a letter apologizing for my actions and not fully understanding. I told him that I would be there for him and that I loved him and basically everything to have him understand why I acted the way I did and how I have come to better understand the situation. It was a lengthy letter. He texted me back and said that he wanted me to focus on friends and school. That this was hard for both of us. And that he didnt realize that he hurt me this bad. I didnt say in the letter that I wanted him back just that I was there for him.
I cant tell though if hes just trying to let me go slowly or if there is still a chance he will bounce back. I will continue to give him space and see I guess But Im hurting bad. He keeps texting me everyday and talked to me today about what hes been up too. But I just honestly dont know.

Can anyone help me please?

Hi there !My opinion and I've been threw something like this before similar but not the same but I think you should stop all contact with him whatsoever and do not talk with him . Don't sit with him at school avoid him and ignore. If you stay in contact it will be much worse and to be honest it will make him realize a lot and he will wonder oh why isn't she talking to me or why is she ignoring me what is she doing and he will miss you and come to his senses and realize. You need to act like you don't care as much as you do and be independent as painful as it is. Obviously this boy loves you but also seems he is playing games with you a bit and is taking you for granted he is telling you this then telling you that. It is a bit odd. Sure the guy needs some time to think and space but you can't wait forever . And the fact that he wants all that but still contacts you seems like a very good sign that he cares but seems like he wants you to feel this way . To me when someone goes threw this especially what your guy is . is when they need their gf or partner best friend the most . and remember he could end up pushing you away for good. So he seems to be playing games with you more then over a little 40% percent on my part. He should be doing what he said to you not screwing with your feelings and messing with them. Him telling you he just wants to be friends and go from there is just an excuse ! Since when does a guy that loves you just wants to be friends and basically start over just cause he is in a tough spot ? Doesn't make sense. He will pull through and I'm sure things will get better but you really have to think about this. I think the best thing to do is what I first said at the top ! It will help BIG TIME . but you must go threw with it and stick to it as hard as it is. Make this boy realize you love him but will not wait forever and make HIM realize what he has in front of him. Make HIM scared to loose you by fully ignoring him. Cut him off if he says he needs time give it to him. No contact would be better as bad as it sounds but willhelp trust me!! Because if he really wanted all of what he is saying why would he still talk with you? He would cut you out completely but he would also not be talking with you if he really needed that space and time to think. By you doing this what I'm all saying especially the first part at the TOP in my message to you would drive him crazy and insane like he is doingto you give him what he is saying he wants he will realize and see in the end. Talkto other guys make him worry but do not talk to him you have to to show him your just as serious show him a side of you he has not seen and be mean sometimes you have to . I promise you will see change if you try this out as hard as it will be

He seems to think he can come and go and messes with you and your feelings. This would be really goof for you to try I know it will be painful but it will help and would not hurt to try but it has to be longer then a day maybe do this for a good 1 week or 2-3 weeks and don't give into him at all or call him or answer his msgs or texts or call don't see him or anything cut everything off completely . don't ask him to go over . this is something i suggest you try but you have to do it all without any contact and no in person seeing each other nothing. Ignore him . it will help.

I wish you the best of luck !! Xoxo
Don't give up yet !

One last tip you will be doing everything he said you wanted and it will make him realize so fast how he screwed up and messed up so you do this and I promise you will see the better of you both ! Keep your head up hun!!

He wanted you to do * make it look like it and just wait a bit and let it all come together ! But you must do this for it to help!!!!

Goodluck

Possibly PTSD? He watched his buddies get killed and had to kill in combat. There is no doubt. He's having night terrors and probably reliving it every night. He feels completely numb and is not sure what is real and what is not. He is not playing games with you and you need to not worry about the status of the "relationship" with this guy and be unconditionally supportive as a friend. You are worried about whether y'all will be together and wonder why he's distant and sending mixed signals, when this guy has to worry about reliving his friends getting blown up every time he lays his head on the pillow- to put things into perspective. Your goal should be to help him without the expectation of anything in return as someone who truly cares, and not put any pressure on him about a relationship, which is relatively insignificant right now compared with the need for treatment, care, and support. You need to educate yourself as much as possible, because it doesn't seem you realize how serious this is.

This what you do if you want to protect yourself, but don't claim you care about him if you do.

His behavior has nothing to do with petty relationship games, but stems from a very severe and life threatening illness. By all means, if you think it's just a game then move on, it's that simple. Don't play your own games to try to make him realize that he "really does" want you. That's a waste of time and energy and is juvenile. Just move on.

If its that serious the boy should be not talking to her at all if he really needs his " space time and to think and just be friends " @ Hellboy should not be contacting her what so ever . he should be worrying about him. Not mixing this woman up. That's the real deal. So sorry.

Your whole response @hellboy gives nothing about her to help her . But more of to help HIM. She asked for help for her with him. Not to dump him and move on. I gave my opinion woman to woman from similar experience of how to keep the relationship but what she could do that would actually help ! So thanks.

If it's that serious? This boy's wartime experience is coming to surface, he's suffering and will be for the rest of his life and your real deal advice is to be disingenuous and manipulative, I guess watching one's friends get blown up doesn't register for you as something that would merit compassion toward your loved one?

Your whole woman to woman response is about manipulating the situation and this suffering man. They had a great relationship until recently, likely because he had a breakdown. He is not a bad guy and not a game player. She wants feedback in dealing with this situation. I told her she needed to educate herself and decide what kind of role she was gonna play in this. Put the petty concerns of a relationships definition to the side for the time being. Your suggestion to abandon a war vet in this condition that you care about is mind-boggling. Your advice strikes me as immature and counterproductive to say the least, for all parties involved. That's the real deal.

Yet you tell her to move on ? Smart!

Its not abandoning . Don't put words in my mouth. When a man needs his time space and to think its best for them to be alone it works better . So they can focus on themselves !

That's the point of a break up . Or in situations like this when they say there is a chance getting back together like he has said . You don't go staying in touch and contacting the person 24/7 . That will never work if you go down that path . He needs to figure himself out and as I said for this woman the advice I gave her is the truth . No contact would make a difference rather then always talking.