[Firecrystal]

Hello,

What does it mean when you can't form any relationships with other people, friendship or love, ect?
I'm not sure what it's called but if you can't connect with people in a way. I have difficulty making friends and people don't behave as if they want to talk to me. They're distant and cold. I wonder why. Is it because of the way I look? I judge myself as quite pretty but I'm often shy. I know there's a board for shyness and sopcial anxiety on here although this could go here as it's about communication.
How do you make friends? What formula is there that I'm missing?
I try hard to make friends and be nice, but people seem distant and not interestd in getting to know me. Some people look at me in a sharp way as if they don't like me.
I haven't had close friendships before and never been in a relationship with a man either and I'm 40. I don't get why no one likes me.

Is it to do with connection? what do I say to people? I try engaging in conversation and they get bored and sometimes when I see them again they stay formal and nothing goes beyond a "hello" and "nice weather".

It's probably me. I could just be a monster and not know, lol. Is there anyone else who knows what I mean?

[Webgoji]

Well you're not a monster

But it does sound like you might be private in social situations. It's a social energy kind of thing; some people feed off the energy of others while other people have to give their energy out.

Take the Webgoji for example. Extroverts love to feed off me like vampires. Once we say "nice weather", I'll start coaxing them into talking about that weather. What's nice about it compared to last week or whatnot. Or better, instead of just "hello", I say, "How ha doin'?" genuinely interested in how they're doing. People like to talk about their day and I think it makes them feel good to have someone care for just those few minutes.

Once I get to know someone through asking how they're doing or "how was your weekend? Catch any shows?", then I can get to know what they do with their time; movies, skateboarding, whatnot. Then I can ask more specific questions.

Overall, just showing a curiosity and interest in other people helps me. I don't have many close friends, but pretty much everyone likes the Webgoji so give it a shot. Ask specific questions and show that interest in others and they may start to open up.

(Psst ... and being private ain't all that bad. Your energy is yours and people can be exhausting. )

[Firecrystal]

Thank you Webgoji

[cool09]

It's common. It's called "people don't know how to communicate anymore".

[ChipperMonkey]

Well....

In school people had this perception of me that was WAY off. I was always the quiet one. I wouldn't necessarily say "shy" but that's how people thought of me. And because I was so quiet, they thought I was a snob. When I found this out, I was shocked!!! I never looked down on anyone, ever.

I told another friend this... (he's very quiet, too) I told him that when you're a quiet person, people make all sorts of assumptions about you, many of which are untrue. He's a bit different than I am, grew up on the streets and has a bit of a rough edge b/c of it. But, get to know him and his intelligence will blow you away. People choose to judge him based on his looks and assume that he's uneducated and unintelligent.

And the thing is, once people have an ill conceived perception of you, its all the harder for them to want to open up to you and get to know you.

How do you make friends? I don't even remember anymore.... I'm recovering from PTSD and when I went fully symptomatic about 6 years ago, I lost everyone and stopped trying to meet new people. Online is a different story as I feel a bit more uninhibited and can share things with others more freely. I even joined a pen pal site and made a few good friends that way.

Have you tried meeting people online at all? I don't mean with the intention of meeting them in person, but sometimes online friends can help you learn how to open up more and I know that since I feel more comfortable with people in an online world, that carries over to my real life as well.

I struggle connecting with others too. I feel I am misunderstood and people assume the worst because I am quiet and nervous all the time. When I finally do make a friend every time I somehow manage to mess it up or end up being abandoned. I currently have no friends but I hope to eventually make friends. I have tried joining art groups and car clubs but it has yet to work out. So I totally relate.

[Firecrystal]

I can only seem to make friends with people online. Thanks all for the kind and thoughtful feedback

I have notice more and more people are having this problem , have you tried to join a group off line I don't know if the UK have support groups , I think that is a good way to meet other because they know how you feel .

I found a support group where I live , I just have to get the nerve to go to one