[guilloche]

My T is nudging me to go out and meet real people. I understand why this is a good idea (I don't really have any close friends at the moment, those I've got a couple people that I get together with once or twice a year) - although I worry a little that we're putting the cart before the horse, since we haven't yet really done any "fixing" of all my broken, crazy issues.

But I'm thinking about it, seriously.

I'm wondering if anyone here has any experience with the websites out there that help match up people to be friends. It sounds weird, but apparently, they're starting to pop up.

For example:
https://www.socialjane.com
GirlFriendCircles.com-- a site about friendship

GirfriendCircles seems a bit more organized, but also expensive (something like $60 for a year, then $8/month - if I'm reading that right, I wish it were spelled out more clearly!) - but they run all sorts of activities that help you find people with common interests and actually get to know them. That sounds great!

SocialJane - I don't know as much about, it's a bit cheaper (maybe just a one time signup fee of $15?) but it looks more like a dating site, where you have to review profiles, reach out to people, and set up meetings.

I guess I'm just curious to hear if anyone has ever tried anything like this, and what type of results you got? I'm having trouble searching online for people who use these sites and have written much about them.

Is it something you'd try? I'm an introvert, so a bit nervous... but also intrigued. I'd like to find some people to go do stuff with!

Thanks!

I met a few people on craigslist over by the " personal section " there is all so a section called "community "
and it's a free website .

[angelene]

I'm interested in this as well. People from Craigslist... I don't think I want to attempt that. Is Meetup.com still around?
Apparently so. Anyone have any similar site suggestions?

[guilloche]

Meetup is a great idea too. I've been watching it, but haven't really managed to find anything that's a good fit for me with an event happening soon that I can get to. (I do have my eye on a board-games group there, I figure that should be pretty low-key and fun!)

Here's another site for woman to find friends... but I don't know anything about it, I've just seen it mentioned: Girlfriend Social - Where Women Make Friends

I'm actually leaning towards the Circles one I mentioned before. You can also get a 6-month membership for ~$40, and apparently when your membership expires you can buy another 6 or 12 month one if you don't want to do month-to-month. (And of course, once you make friends, you can let the membership expire and keep the friends).

What I'm liking is the way they organize things. It sounds like they set you up with "connection circles" - informal, small meetings of women that have something in common. You can also (I think?) start your own circle, or meet people on the site. But the circles idea sounds nice, and they supposedly give you an agenda (like questions?) to make the meeting less awkward. It could work...

I'm holding off on joining just yet though, b/c I've got to get my diet issues back to stable. Way too much sugar this week. I think I'd bounce off the walls and scare people in real life!

[hvert]

I looked at GirlfriendCircles once, but there were about 3 people listed for my area If you do sign up for one of these, please report back!

I have tried Meetup and have not had a great experience, I think because I am in a town of less than 100k. Craigslist also didn't work for me - I got a lot of perverted emails, some of which were very funny, but still not really what I was looking for.

I like local interest Facebook and Linkedin groups-- you can get a good feel for the various people before meeting them. I haven't gone to a Tweetup, but I bet that's similar to the other two. And free is good!

I am a huge fan of classes as a way to meet people. I've also been joining some interest based offline groups. I was telling my boyfriend tonight that I think we should start becoming regulars at some bars - I've never had so many friends as I did when I bar hopped (and I never drank!).

[~Christina]

Non tech ways ... A book club ? taking a painting or any kind of art classes? cooking classes ? volunteer locally? .. All are good ways to be in a situation "doing" something, and to be honest a huge majority of women are doing these things to also find some friends.

[ptangptang]

Volunteering?

[guilloche]

Thanks guys. Yeah, I've done a ton of classes (I love learning new things) - but never managed to really develop a friendship that continued past the class. I just finished up a really cool acting class last month with lots of interpersonal interaction (we did alot of exercises and scenes with partners), but apparently everyone else was just as introverted as I am!

I've done some volunteering as well, but honestly, am a bit nervous about the time commitment required.

I'm like 85% sure I'll end up trying to circle of friends thing, but I think I need to hold off a bit and take care of some of my personal chaos , otherwise it will just add to my stress levels. I'll definitely post an update if/when I do it though, and let you all know how it goes!

Thanks.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by ptangptang

Volunteering?

Yes , local spca , dog pound , soup kitchen etc... Seems when your helping others you usually meet good people.

[healingme4me]

I am just not keen on the idea of paying businesses to connect you with chances of friendship or even romance, for that matter.

If anything I've learned, sometimes good things, cannot be forced, they need time to grow.

Hope the sites are helpful for you, would be curious to hear updates. If it's more successful than dating sites, I think that it could be a good thing.

[angelene]

GirlFriendCircles piqued my interest but unfortunately:

"We don't yet have enough women to be as impressive as we want to be for you!"

They've offered to let me join for free while they recruit new members. I am wicked shy so even the free sign-up is freaking me out! I know that's silly, but if I'm going to join something, I need to be fully prepared to participate.

Years ago I was a part of my area's Fibromyalgia Meetup(.com), but the group leader ended up stepping down out of much frustration. She'd schedule a meetup and then not enough people — yours truly included! — would show due to FMS and/or other issues.

I like the idea of small groups centered on common topics or activities...
But I do see healingme4me's point.

[MissMultiProblem]

One free site is InterPals Penpals - Make friends online and find free pen pals from around the world!
I have been using it for years, for snail mail pen pals, language practice and also meeting local people. It is huge community and you can be sure to receive lots of junk mail as well as real mail. If you feel like some certain countries are on your "not interested" list, you can block them, also you can make sure only people of certain age, sex or location can write to you.

[Firecrystal]

I've made friends on forums. Just find out what interests you the most, for instance it could be anything from cookery, sewing, art, history, pets, to the most side track interests like romance novels, films, skating, fashion, pop music, ect. Also keep in mind ALWAYS that you should be safe and not give away your personal info to people you meet online.

[guilloche]

Healingme4me - Yeah, I sort of think that way too. Except... as I get older, it's getting harder to meet people. Like I said, I've done classes and volunteering, but it's not clicking for me. It's hard in a class... at least for me... because it feels like everyone else already has plenty of friends, and doesn't want/need another one!

Anyway, like I said, I think I'm willing to try it out. I just need to get a couple other things straightened out first, or it will be more stressful than useful. I think that knowing everyone else there is also actively looking to make friends, and the planned meetings, is kind of intriguing for me. I think, for me, if it works, the money will have been totally worth it.

The woman who created the site is actually kind of neat. Apparently she used to be a pastor (?) and now does life coaching. But she really believes in friendship (or is a brilliant marketer, take your pick!) and has written a lot about how friendships develop.

I really like what's she's said about "we don't discover our best friends. we develop them." Basically, all our friends start out at the "acquaintance" level, and those that we get along with and share interests with and spend time can be "developed" into best friends. I don't know, I find it interesting... maybe I'm just weird!

Oh Angelene! If you qualify for a free membership, you should SO do it! I mean, you may not end up meeting alot of people (b/c there aren't alot of people in your area using it), but what the heck - it's free, and you're not under any obligation to actually meet ANYONE if none of them seem to be a good match! It would give you a great chance to poke around the site and see how it looks, without costing anything - and even if you just meet one nice person, think how awesome that could be!

BTW sorry that your meetup didn't work out! That's a drag . We had a neat paleo oriented meetup going on here that I kept meaning to try out... but never did, and eventually the founder shut down the group and moved on with her life. I regret not having went to any of the events!

MissMultiProblem - Neat, thanks for the link. I've been studying a little French, and would love to find a penpal to practice with!

[guilloche]

Thanks Firecrystal... yeah, I do tend to meet nice folks on forums. But I'm hoping to find some people who live nearby for going out to lunch, checking out museums and plays, maybe taking trips. I need to pry myself away from the computer a little more but forums are another good idea!

[angelene]

Originally Posted by guilloche

Oh Angelene! If you qualify for a free membership, you should SO do it! I mean, you may not end up meeting alot of people (b/c there aren't alot of people in your area using it), but what the heck - it's free, and you're not under any obligation to actually meet ANYONE if none of them seem to be a good match! It would give you a great chance to poke around the site and see how it looks, without costing anything - and even if you just meet one nice person, think how awesome that could be!

BTW sorry that your meetup didn't work out! That's a drag . We had a neat paleo oriented meetup going on here that I kept meaning to try out... but never did, and eventually the founder shut down the group and moved on with her life. I regret not having went to any of the events!

guilloche, you have given me the courage to sign up!

[guilloche]

Yay Angelene! If you're comfortable sharing how it goes, I'd love to hear more about the experience... I remember reading that as they get initial (free) members in an area, they plan to do more marketing in that area - so hopefully they find some more awesome folks close to you for you to meetup with soon!